Thursday, May 17, 2018


'Nigerian women are suffering in Nigeria'. This was the comment a Nigerian man made when we were talking yesterday based on his observation after relocating. He went further to say it is Nigerian men that are really enjoying in Nigeria. He said so, because, he asked his wife they should travel back to Nigeria to spend the summer holiday, she refused! He did not blame her, all their years of marriage in Nigeria, his mother was living with them! He now realized how unhappy his wife was in her own matrimonial home! Living abroad, he saw the happiness in his wife.

It is so good when someone admits to a truth rather than pretending. And I applauded him for his honesty. Nigerian women are restricted by culture, society and religious expectations unlike Nigerian men, who have so much freedom to do what they want! Many of you that have been reading my blog from 2010, we know the challenges I went through my marriage, but, ever since I relocated 6 years ago, I am truly happy in my marriage because I saw a new side of my husband I never realized he had; He does 80% of cooking, 100%  grocery shopping, put extended family members in their place, we don't quarrel so much over finances like before because our needs and wants comes first before anybody, he tells them, he had paid his dues in the past!  When we celebrated our 16 years of marriage last year July, I asked him, what brought about this pleasant changes? He simply said; America! No friends and extended families to interfere in our business! NO NONSENSICAL CULTURES suppressing me! When we quarrel, we settle, and overcome any challenges together.  THANK YOU LORD and GOD BLESS AMERICA!

If you doubt me, I will tell you stories of 3 MILs who refused to return back to their husbands after visiting their DILs! I know all the parties involved, before someone will say; story, story again! (sometimes, I wonder what that person was thinking when she made that comment!!! JEEZ! Things I had endured in blogsville in the name of telling the truth and keeping it real!)

The first MIL, came for omogwo. After 5 months, mama, did not want to go back,  because living here was less stressful to her. It was when her husband sent her a strong message, that was when she quickly packed her things and went back to her matrimonial home! The second MIL came visiting, 6 years later, she was still in her DIL's house! She is the 2nd wife , so her husband did not bother to ask for her! But the poor DIL was miserable! She decided to act smart and invited her own parents over. The MIL reluctantly went back home, because it will be a shame to be struggling for space with her in-laws in her DIL's house! The third MIL, came visiting, 5 years passed, her husband fell seriously sick, several messages were sent to her, she was giving one excuse or the other and refused to return back home! They even sent someone to her, to tell her the seriousness of the sickness, whosai, she still refused to go, using citizenship preparation as an excuse! Eventually, her son travelled last month to see his father! YEP! She is still here in yankee! So, I asked; 'What if her husband succumbs to the sickness? (GOD forbids! I don't wish her that, just saying) Won't she travel to do the needful? And when her in-laws show her shege out of annoyance, she would brand them witches and being wicked!

Living abroad has it's own flaws, just like everything made and controlled by humans.  Some women abuse the freedom and drive some African men to become miserable in their homes! Few months back, the African community was thrown into mourning when a husband killed his wife and himself leaving their 3 kids orphans! My colleagues were talking about the issue, that it was because she disobeyed him and went to Las Vegas with a group of friends, and remember the slogan?  Whatever happens in Vegas ..... stays in Vegas! African women should know where and when to draw the line. We should respect our husbands and know which battles to fight.



  1. I don't think any husband has the right to control his wife's movement. If she wanted to go to Vegas, why should that be an issue? I agree that some women can be really stubborn but to shoot her because she went against his orders? Nah, something else was wrong with that marriage. She probably went to Vegas to get away from him for a while. Now those kids are left alone. Talking about drawing the line, I have to disagree with you on this.why should we have to be the ones drawing the line? The men also have to. We all grew up in a country like u said where men have the freedom and women were condemned for doing the same things the men did. They move to a country where it isn't as bad and they both can't handle it. How is it then the woman's place to draw the line?

    1. Nice to hear from you J. Yep, some ish definitely had been going on in the marriage, and going to Vegas was what might had tipped it over. Definitely a selfish move on the man's part forgetting about the fate of their children.

      It is ok to agree to disagree :D I still believe for the peace of their matrimonial homes, wives should learn to PICK THEIR BATTLES. When 2 elephants fights, it is the GRASS that usually SUFFERS! Whether we like to admit it or not,the MOST ONUS of a STABLE home falls on the wife's shoulder especially when children are involved.

      And yes, men knows when to draw the line. For instance, my hubby knows the limit he can push my button, without getting a adverse reaction from me, Likewise I. So in each marriage, the couples should definitely know their spouse's limit!

      Hence, I was advising all wives to KNOW when to draw the line and not be carried away with the power of freedom. See J, some wives will never admit it to the public after gra-gra- fight or quarrel with their hubby over 'power-tussle' that they wished they could turn the hands of the clock back. IMO, some things ain't worth fighting over or for.


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