My friend is an intelligent and hard-working lady, who grew up in a strict christian environment: You know the type of humble,quiet ladies, that don't like to offend anybody or look for trouble chei?
She observed one particular bad habit about her husband; He can complain for Africa about everything and anything!!! Even if cockroach crawled pass, he was suspicious of it's moves! She tried reasoning with him ... WHOSAI! To make matters worst, her husband could not hold down a job! If he did not get fired, he would resign! Just as he dropped out of his master's programme without any valid reason! SIGH!
Money matter nko? Forget matter for matthias! Tori brekete! She was the breadwinner in the home! She did not mind because she earned higher, but he would still borrow from her! Wetin she for do? Since he could not keep a job for more than a month because of too much complain! Which employer get time for that nansense? His complaining was too much, that he would even accuse workers in the bank of conspiracy theory if the ATM machine refused to disperse cash. I kid you not! MSCHEW!!!
Trouble started when she was pregnant for their first child. He displayed a weird behaviour that scared the s*** out of her! No! No! He did not hit her as some of you might be thinking. She ran to her in-laws to report him; That was when she was told, his outburst was due to clinical depression he had been diagnosed with before she met and married him! She asked, why she was not told earlier? Afterall it was not a death sentence ke! Their answer was; 'they told us not to tell you!' LIKE SERIOUSLY?Who were the 'they' biko? Abi friends or other family members that won't pray for such for their own daughter? You see how some human beings are? TAAA!!!
Being a faithful and loving wife, she showered love upon him, was submissive, fasted, prayed, read about the topic to know how best to manage his depression. She even attended a spiritual counselling retreat for both of them, all in a aid to help him feel better and have a happy home ... did it work? FOR WHERE! The guy-man simply refused to accept he had a problem sef! Or agreed he was ever wrong! He was Mr perfect, while others were at fault! URRGH!!!
Baby arrived, and as usual, all expenses were on her, le hub did not contribute a farthing to the upkeep of their child. she juggled her career, baby, matrimonial home, finances and his ailment, so as to keep the 'ship' sailing smoothly. Hmm! I doff my gele for her oo, she is a strong woman. Indeed she is what I will call a virtuous woman.
Few years into her marriage her husband displayed a behaviour that drove her crazy! I meant literally o! That she started having a 2nd thought about their relationship. Meanwhile, he had, had one of those 'outburst' that her in-laws claimed it was due to depression, that it took several people to calm him down! Eventually, all her in-laws gave her the OYO (on-your-own, for my few non-Nigerian readers who don't understand the slang) attitude. He started accusing her of all sorts ... including witch- craft! Complaining about her to anybody who cared to listen, until they heard her own side of the story, and were speechless, as I was when she opened up to me!
When he started pointing that same accusing finger towards their young child, she knew it was no longer 'funny' and fled for her life with her son! She stayed away from her matrimonial home for many months. Her family and friends intervened; He was taken to the psychiatric hospital and diagnosed to have paranoid schizophrenia!!! This, his family KNEW all along, but LIED to her it was clinical depression!
She was in utter shock! Again, being a loving and dutiful wife, she tried to help, by taking him to his appointments and bought his medications which he bluntly REFUSED to take! The doctors said, he could not be forced as an adult. She couldn't mix it with his meals or drinks, because his mother had tried that method in the earlier days before he got married and he stopped eating her food. And on numerous occasions after he got married, he had thrown her own pot of soups and stews away because it looked 'somehow' to him. That was the FINAL straw!
She confided in her pastor and some elders of the church and they agreed with her to get separated from her husband and go for annulment of the marriage because it was based on DECEIT: Him and his family knew he had a mental illness and didn't let her know, to make an informed decision. And all that time he had episodes while married to her, the family were only giving him sedatives after several people have held him down. She had a break down! 6 years of marriage, nullified! After so much emotional sufferings! Her only joy is her child. GOD, her family and friends were her pillar of support. Now, she is living alone with her child, while her husband is with his parents, and she has peace of mind. We are happy for her.
Many Nigerians are yet to fully accept that mental illness is real and the subject is broad! Depression is not the only mental illness as many think. I am happy her pastors agreed to a separation and then annulment, not the usual pray and fast advise they give. Unlike her SIL who was quoting orishirishi scripture verses to her, that cannot be found in the bible sef! And her BIL telling her, marriage is like a wrapped box, you don't know what you will find inside ... REALLY? Won't he dump his own wife in a twinkle of eye and marry one okpeke if she has mental illness? I call it double standard o jare! The most scary thing is that, persons with mental illness can be manipulative and will find some people believing them and doubting themselves, especially when they have the power of authority or pulls the financial strings. Today, as I write, she is a FREE and happy woman ... according to the law, she was never married, so by the grace of GOD she will find love again. AMEN!
Let me summarize things I read about mental illness, for a better understanding:
Psychosis is a loss of touch with reality.
Hallucination is hearing and seeing things that do not exist in reality.
Delusion is a false fixed belief( always around religion).
Emotional disorder, an exaggerated expression of normal behaviour in an attempt to manage a difficult situation.
Anxiety disorders, includes: Panic, phobic, OCD, and PSTD.
Eating disorders, includes; Pica, bulimia and anorexia.
Somatoform disorders, includes; Psychosomatic and hypochondriasis.
Factitious disorder, also factitious disorder by proxy.
Impulsive control disorders, includes:Hair picking,self-injury, and kleptomania.
Intermittent explosive disorder, includes; Aggressive outbursts, blames his victims.
Personality disorders, includes; Borderline, narcissistic, and anti-social.
Affective disorders, includes; major depression, bipolar and postpartum.
Schizophrenia,includes: Disorganized, catatonic and paranoid: Paranoid schizophrenics are suspicious of everybody and everything! They are convincing and manipulative. Anti-psychotic medications are administered to them.
Thank you for reading. I know it was a long post, but believe me when I say, I summarized it as much as I could without losing the context of the story.