Let me illustrate with my situation; My mother on several occasions, told me to get a job or start a business because life is not as it seems and an elderly neighbour in Nigeria, once said, men cannot be trusted and depended on, and few bloggers have mentioned that it is because of the unexpectedness ... as much as it pained me that, nobody actually understood my dilemma, (Who would look after my kids?) I had to make an effort; I sold recharge cards, ice-block, Zobo drink, video CDS and leased out novels ... my ice-block business collapsed because of epileptic electricity, Zobo did not move at all, gains from recharge cards were too minimal and some people bought on credit, I made good turn out on novels, and CDS. I later got a store manager position that paid 20k monthly, the time and days were flexible which I liked, before I relocated.
NOW! Compare it to a commenter who referred to SAHMs as maggots, that they should go and find something doing! That all they do is to eat off the man, making him not to progress. As much as this person that spew this bile filled words, wants every woman to be financially independent, she is angry! I sincerely pray for such person future daughter-in-laws, because I hear she has sons mostly. But I do wonder what she and her 'friends' will call mistresses/concubines/side-chicks that depends on their married lovers for rent, school fees, feeding, and clothes? But deride the legal wives at home who are looking after the kids ... abi no be human being dey for the creche you carry your kids to? Or the maid/ nanny that looks after them at home for you? Maybe the 'logs' in her eyes did not let her 'see'?
OKAY! Why am I writing about tough love today? It is because of a recent gist I heard within our 9ja community o. A mother came to visit her sons here. She first stayed with the eldest. Due to her health challenges, she needed all round care. Those who work in the health business will understand what I mean ... wait a minute oo ... have I ever told you guys my kind of job? Hmmm....I think not ... but I had mentioned it in my favourite entertainment blog ... I worked as a care giver ... right now, I am in the retail industry. SO! The Eldest DIL was taking care of her, combined with her every day job, which was not easy. Her kids were grown, so they helped.
The mother later moved to the younger son's home. The younger DIL's job was demanding, her kids little, combined to giving her MIL an all round care was very tasking! She did her best, but body no be wood! When the MIL saw that she was OYO, she began, doing some things for herself! This took everyone by surprise because they thought she was incapable! The eldest DIL realized that her MIL took advantage of her unlike the no-nonsense attitude in her younger son's home! When she returned back to her eldest son's home, she maintained her lane wella! All the paparazzi stopped! Her eldest DIL felt so much relief and thanked the younger DIL.
The younger DIL did NOT hate her MIL before some of you will jump into conclusion and start calling her names o. She treated her with the same respect as the eldest DIL did, but she simply made her MIL to realize she is NOT a super-woman! That in this country where immigrants are chasing after the $$$, ain't nobody gat time and energy to be an one-to-one- care-giver, unless one is being paid for it, shikenah!! You have to pull your own weight around or make efforts, unless one is obviously incapable ... even with that sef, special gadgets are installed in homes to make job and life easier for all parties involved. If it was back home, there will be many hands to help because of our communal family system.
When I heard the story, I thought within myself, if both the DILS were SAHMs nko? CHEI! Dem for see W-EN! Dem for see shege! WO! Dem for hear am hot! (It would have been demanding!) She would want 100% attention, afterall, they are not working, but siddon in her sons' house chopping their money left, right and center, so they must work for it by force by fire ke! AHAHAHA... Abi no be true I dey talk so?
Jokes apart though, pampering does not get some things done, some hard experiences push us to achieve our best! As my people do say, no pain, no gain! And the scriptures says we should count it all joy when trials and temptations come across our ways, because when we overcome them, we will become stronger in faith ... and our creator and father will never give us a burden more than what we can carry. And this popular song by kelly clarkson ..what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger! SO! Don't going hating people when they are hard on you, try to see the direction they are coming from ... it will be painful ... but worth it at the end.