Search This Blog

Follow by Email

Monday, August 21, 2017

TOUGH LOVE!

I want to believe we all know the 'ways of the eagles' right? If you don't, you can read it here. The mother eagle do show tough love to her eaglets! Same way parents, relatives and friends might do to us, NOT because they are haters, rather it is coming from a place of concern. NOT every criticism is out of bitterness! YES! It will be painful but they are doing it to force you on your feet because the path of life is not filled with roses ... which even have hidden thorns!

 Let me illustrate with my situation; My mother on several occasions, told me to get a job or start a business because life is not as it seems and an elderly neighbour in Nigeria, once said, men cannot be trusted and depended on, and few bloggers have mentioned that it is because of the unexpectedness  ... as much as it pained me that, nobody actually understood my dilemma, (Who would look after my kids?) I had to make an effort; I sold recharge cards, ice-block,  Zobo drink, video CDS and leased out novels ... my ice-block business collapsed because of epileptic electricity,  Zobo did not move at all, gains from recharge cards were too minimal and some people bought on credit, I made good turn out on novels, and CDS. I later got a store manager position that paid 20k monthly, the time and days were flexible which I liked, before I relocated.

source


 NOW! Compare it to a commenter who referred to SAHMs as maggots, that they should go and find something doing! That all they do is to eat off the man, making him not to progress. As much as this person that spew this bile filled words, wants every woman to be financially independent, she is angry! I sincerely pray for such person future daughter-in-laws, because I hear she has sons mostly. But I do wonder what she and her 'friends' will call mistresses/concubines/side-chicks that depends on their married lovers for rent, school fees, feeding, and clothes? But deride the legal wives at home who are looking after the kids ... abi no be human being dey for the creche you carry your kids to? Or the maid/ nanny that looks after them at home for you? Maybe the 'logs' in her eyes did not let her 'see'?

OKAY! Why am I writing about tough love today? It is because of a recent gist I heard within our 9ja community o. A mother came to visit her sons here. She first stayed with the eldest. Due to her health challenges, she needed all round care. Those who work in the health business will understand what I mean ... wait a minute oo ... have I ever told you guys my kind of job? Hmmm....I think not ... but I had mentioned it in my favourite entertainment blog ... I worked as a care giver ... right now, I am in the retail industry. SO! The Eldest DIL was taking care of her, combined with her every day job, which was not easy. Her kids were grown, so they helped. 

The mother later moved to the younger son's home. The younger DIL's job was demanding, her kids little, combined to giving her MIL an all round care was very tasking! She did her best, but body no be wood! When the MIL saw that she was OYO, she began, doing some things for herself! This took everyone by surprise because they thought she was incapable! The eldest DIL realized that her MIL took advantage of her unlike the no-nonsense attitude in her younger son's home! When she returned back to her eldest son's home, she maintained her lane wella! All the paparazzi stopped! Her eldest DIL felt so much relief and thanked the younger DIL.

The younger DIL did NOT hate her MIL before some of you will jump into conclusion and start calling her names o. She treated her with the same respect as the eldest DIL did, but she simply made her MIL to realize she is NOT a super-woman! That in this country where immigrants are chasing after the $$$, ain't nobody gat time and energy to be an one-to-one- care-giver, unless one is being paid for it, shikenah!! You have to pull your own weight around or make efforts, unless one is obviously incapable ... even with that sef, special gadgets are installed in homes to make job and life easier for all parties involved. If it was back home, there will be many hands to help because of our communal family system. 

When I heard the story, I thought within myself, if both the DILS were SAHMs nko? CHEI! Dem for see W-EN! Dem for see shege! WO! Dem for hear am hot! (It would have been demanding!) She would want 100% attention, afterall, they are not working, but siddon in her sons' house  chopping their money left, right and center, so they must work for it by force by fire ke! AHAHAHA... Abi no be true I dey talk so?

Jokes apart though, pampering does not get some things done, some hard experiences push us to achieve our best! As my people do say, no pain, no gain! And the scriptures says we should count it all joy when trials and temptations come across our ways, because when we overcome them, we will become stronger in faith ... and our creator and father will never give us a burden more than what we can carry. And this popular song by kelly clarkson ..what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger! SO! Don't going hating people when they are hard on you, try to see the direction they are coming from ... it will be painful ... but worth it at the end.




Thursday, August 17, 2017

DEAR NIGERIAN HUSBANDS.

Dear  Nigerian Husbands,
It has come to our notice that, you are calling us intolerant, when it comes to our in-laws.That if, it were our own parents and siblings, we would welcome them happily.


Hmmm.... it is not as you think ooo, our dear husbands; The crown on our heads, the owner of our heads, the glory of our heads, the one that paid our dowries, the father of our children, the one that makes our heart go, jigidijigidi, like locomotive engine, the one that knows where our 'mumu' button is and press it wella, the one that knows how to make us scream out your name in pleasure! Please hear us out.


How do you want us to feel, after sweating it out in the kitchen and our food was rejected by your siblings or parents, the same food you and our children ate? The same food, you gave your hard-earned money to cook for the family? Is it easy to be thinking of a balanced meal 3x a day, 7 days a week, 30 days a month and 365 days in a year? We are not running a hotel or restaurant that one can pick their meals!


We take care of our children, you,ourselves, as if that is not enough, we will still be expected to look after your siblings and parents who will not help in anyway! We are not snow-white that sang for birds, rabbits, cats, rats and roaches that came and helped her with house chores! Imagine, sweeping, washing dishes, doing the laundry, and cooking for many adults and children! One person for 7 or more people? Do the maths na! 1 divided by 7? Is it not in negative? We are not super-women like Clark's cousin ...  whats her name again ooo ... we can't remember jor, because our head is so jammed up with many things to do! HABA! We are not maids in our homes but your partner!


Our husbands' house is our matrimonial home, our manor, our domain, NOT an extension of your parents or siblings house! OUR rules not theirs! So, it annoys us when your siblings or parents wants to impose their ways on us in OUR territory! HABA! When you are in Rome, behave like the Romans! If they will stay with us, then abide by our rules! 



Do they know your finances? We ask because, we don't understand the constant demands and expectations from us! So, we cannot 'drink water and put cup down again' without them wanting to drink from the same cup? We know you have an obligation to them, but at the expense of your own children and wives? Is it a stranger that will train your own children? YES! Your parents sent you to school or trained you, if they did not, you will be a problem to them not to us! This is the blunt truth! Afterall, their own parents trained them! That is the cycle or wheel of life,and you will have to train your own children! Shikenah!


How is this different from our own siblings and parents when they come abi? 
HAAA! It is different oo! Just like 7up! Our own siblings or parents will not fold their hands, or lift up their legs for us to sweep under their feet, when they see us busy, they will help us with the chores. They will not reject any food we cook and if we are broke, they will assist us in any little way they can and they will obey our rules which might not be different from the rules in our maiden home because the honest bitter truth is that, it is the women that OWNS the home, not the man! You still doubt us? Ask your mothers then!


And before you men point the obvious that someday we too will be in-laws in future, we know and say a resounding AMEN! Any Nigerian in-law and person  who respects him/herself, will adhered to the wise saying in proverbs 25:17 from the wisest king who lived on earth ... 
Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house-- too much of you, and they will hate you.
New Living Translation
Don't visit your neighbors too often, or you will wear out your welcome.
English Standard Version
Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor’s house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you.

Tuesday, August 08, 2017

I AM NOT THE SAME PERSON!

I mentioned in one of my previous post that some of my values have changed due to experience and environment. I will try my best to explain it, so there won't be any mis- understanding as it happened when I made my inner confession public. This might be a long read because I will simply go with the flow of my thoughts, without editing .... so bear with me.

I worked before I got married and the team spirit was imbibed in me. If you like to go solo, you will be seen as 'your-own-too-much-kind of person' or 'I-too-do-person', and you might not be liked for that! So, imagine my surprise, when I saw the reverse is the case here! It is; I, me and myself, even in a team! I couldn't understand the 'self-centeredness-mentality in work places, everyone was simply covering their ass and doing ONLY their jobs assigned to them! I had to learn the hard way that there is no 'we' in a team! I later knew the reason behind this concept ... some people will want to take advantage of you! Like monkey dey work, baboon dey chop! Some just want the paycheck without pulling their own weight around! And they see an enabler as bad as the enablee! (is there a word like that? ahahha, but you get the gist sha?)


Some times, I have to be fighting a battle inside me ... Do it! Don't do it! Do it! Don't do it! Few times I give in and do it because, what is in you, is in you! Sometimes I will 'strong' my mind wella like stone and look the other way ... why? Simply because nobody gives a s***,  as long as the work got done! Oga at the top just wants to see the end result, Shikenah! It is when there are drawbacks or cracks, they now take a look to see where the problem is coming from, before it would be addressed, or else you will be working like 'jackie', and be collecting the same pay, afterall, dem no send you message! Infact, when they know you are good at what you do, they will add jara sef! When a co-worker advised me in my former place of work, I thought she was joking, until I experienced it, then me too, borrow small sense and re-adjust.



source


Lemme share these instances with you. In my former place of work, when we received packages from the mail, anything that cannot enter the trash can beside us, we took it to the back, into the big garbage bin. So, I came in one night, and saw empty big boxes by the hallway, after 2 days, nobody threw it away ... maybe the person travelled to the moon, I eventually picked it up, only to come the next night, and there were another big boxes! SERIOUSLY???!!! This person must be a joke! Back from the moon abi? Maybe she had a hired help, I didn't know about? I just jejely waka pass and throughout that night, I took another way, just to avoid seeing it and be tempted to remove it! My other co-workers no send! Let me digress here ... many bloggers and readers thinks I like wahala ... but I have said it here before, I don't like trouble, to avoid  any form of confrontation, I can take another route or walk away, but when I am left with no choice, then I bare my fangs! The boxes were there until I went for my days off, when I came back, they were gone and the person did not put more! What happened? I dunno! Maybe her hired help quit?



My new place of work is smaller, so we are told to clean after ourselves, before the next shift comes in, unlike my former place where we had housekeepers. You will think, what is the biggie right? Well, it will surprise you that some don't know or like to 'wipe their own butt!'  Many times, I had to empty other people's trash before I start my own duties, it got to a point I left a note on the board for them to take out their trash ... FOR WHERE! Instead, it was ripped off and thrown away! I see! I said to myself! 'No problemo!' So, they knew what they were doing ba? They next nights, I kukuma, shift their trash to one corner, found alternative, and emptied mine! After some days, I think someone noticed it, and they now clean after themselves! One should learn not to take crap, because you want to be the bigger or better person ... it does not help in all situations. Simply choose wisely. The day a co-worker bluntly said it was not her job, when a manager asked her to do something another co-worker 'neglected' to do, I said YES! You wan mess with akata? My oyibo manager go do the thing  jejely! Since then, the manager became strict with that shift! 



I have also learnt to squarely face my lane! As long as it is not my a** on the line, it is not my problem! This much my co-team worker told me when I pointed out an observation to him regarding one of his duties, that it will cause problem later. I apologized to him, while saying OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! inside of me. It was none of my damn f*****g business, right? But you see, my manager and I ended up doing it the next day, when the problem happened! And he was off!  This made me strong-minded not to help him with any of his duties like I was doing before. This co- worker is the weak link in our wheel of operation, not because he does not know what to do ... he simply didn't want to do it or couldn't be bothered! His lackadaisical attitude drove us crazy that we just had to accept him for who he is ... if na dudu, he for don get the boot! Another lesson learnt .... you have to live with people's flaws as they also tolerate you!


Smoking! HUMPH! By force by fire, I have become a secondary smoker which is worst than the primary smoker! I don't like it and will never like it!  The smell is choking and nauseating! NO! I don't hate those that smoke oo. It happens during our break; I wait for them to finish first before having mine or I have mine first before theirs, but I will miss the 'juicy wine from the office grape-vine'. Yep! Many unofficial information are discussed between the smokers, because oga  sef join! 


Which reminds me of the novel I read several years ago, about an employee who had to join the smokers club because she was always left behind promotions. She later found out that, when they smoked, both ogas at the top and subordinates became friends and important unofficial info was leaked out at that vulnerable moment! She was puffing fake cigarettes, and became friendly with her boss, later she got promoted, her boss found out about her 'act!' So, what I'm saying? Sometimes, you've got to do, what you've got to do to survive, stay afloat or be at the top and when the consequences comes, SUCK it up! 



I have nice neighbours who are smokers and Christians too! Truthfully speaking, I have not seen it in the bible where it is a sin as I was taught in Nigerian churches. It is simply unhealthy. Many smokers are kind, helpful than some of our so-called christian brethren! Smoking is seen or accepted like, when you get hungry, eat! Or when you get thirsty, drink! It is nothing to them here, that is why I was not surprised to hear that some doctors and priests smoke! The problem is the addiction and upgrading to something higher which is dangerous. SO! I told them,the smell bothered me, and they were gracious enough to sit several feet away from me when smoking, and I bury my nose inside my blouse ... I look funny doing that ... but that is the price I have to pay to be in good rapport with my team, afterall, no man is an Island.



WELL! Daz all for today ... I have bored you enough for now .... maybe some other time! 

.

Thursday, August 03, 2017

APARTMENTS AND HOUSES.

We call residential properties in Nigeria; House. Be it flats, tenement buildings, duplexes, mansions ... all is house! I came to know that there is a difference when we relocated. There is apartment which is same as Flat in Nigeria. There is Town house which Nigerians call semi-detached duplex, and there is single-family unit house / 2-floors house, which is known back home as bungalow or 2- story house. 

I had once talked about the problem of roaches (dem no dey call am cockroaches o!) in the Estate I lived In Nigeria,which was not helped by my neighbour who decided to use the backyard as her storage for unwanted household items. Then in New jersey where I had to complain to the janitor, after few weeks of moving into a semi-detached town-house. Later in Texas, when we moved into a recently built apartment, the management had to carry out fumigation many times because of my complaints, apart from my own effort. Hence, I took time to look wella for a detached town house when we moved again, and for the past 2 years, I HAVE NOT SEEN A SINGLE ROACH! Abeg, make no winchy come turn to roach visit me oo ... ahahhaha. Which reminds me, after writing the last post on this constant problem, an anonymous wrote in my favourite entertainment blog that it is only people that are dirty that have roaches .....I laughed! That means, ALL Nigerians in Nigeria are dirty! I didn't say some because there are open gutters every where, clogged drainages and improper waste disposal which is a haven for roaches! These cretins find a way into our homes and starts breeding! 


Apartments. Source

There are no open gutters here, nor clogged drainages and there are proper disposal of waste, so where did these cretins come from? By the way, why this post? It is because, my co-worker who had been searching for an apartment eventually found one and was excited. I told her to avoid ground floor because of roaches, that a friend (Patrina) once said, it did not get to her apartment that was 2 floors above. 'Oh, they are everywhere! All apartments have them, because there are many people in a big building!' she replied. My other co-worker agreed too, that you just have to live with it. She said, her sister's apartment was really infested regardless of the several measures taken to curb them, until they found out, her up-stair's neighbour was a hoarder! I remember when I was complaining bitterly, a lady in the same estate told me to check around, that someone was probably hoarding or not taking out their trash!
House. Source


The roaches here are not like the type in Nigeria oo! These ones are much smaller, darker in colour and come out enmass. When you see them, it is like ants gathering over a cube of sugar! I kid you not! I made sure there was never dishes in the sink, the trash was taken out every night, and I decluttered, often; WHOSAI! The more they come out! So WHERE WERE THESE CRETINS COMING OUT FROM? I simply didn't know! But I do know that, they have built a colony inside the walls because it is made out of wood. 80% of residential buildings are made of wood or pako as we call it in 9ja! Well padded with the foundation and load-bearing  beams/columns made out of concrete. I asked why, and was told because of cold. If bricks were used, during winter, it will be extremely cold inside, which will cost more to heat up ... no wonder when we visited  Aberdeen, the cold wan wound us inside house, even with the heater on!

The differences between houses and apartments is not the cost of leasing ... infact you will be surprised to know they are on the same range! The difference is maintenance; Janitors clean the surroundings of the apartments building, mown the lawns, and double as handy-men who fix whatever problems in the apartments. While in houses, you do all these yourself, the landlord, only fix structural damage as long as you did not cause it, and if there is a leakage or the stove (not called gas cooker oo), is not functioning well, and you might co- pay depending on the agreement.


Town-houses. source


Houses are good for large families; It is spacious, the kids can play and scream as they want without fear of a neighbour coming to knock on the door to keep it down or report to the office, who will send a warning letter. I remember, how my up-stair's neighbour's kid jumped so hard on their floor that the ceiling fan above me shook violently, that I immediately went upstairs to tell them. What of when a former neighbour was bouncing a ball on their floor, on one spot for an hour in the night, under my bedroom and I was pregnant then .... me-hn..I couldn't sleep ... I was so mad ... the next morning this teenager  smirked at me ... then I knew it was deliberate ... it was during the ' racial-tension-time' in yankee ...  so glad when they moved out ... the management refused to renew their lease.

I will advise any immigrant with more than 2 kids to lease a house or detached town-house, than an apartment. It will give you peace of mind, more privacy and NO ROACHES!


Total Pageviews