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Saturday, February 25, 2017

A SHOULDER TO LEAN ON.

Hubby was telling me last week how a colleague of his showed so much appreciation for the advice he gave to him. This colleague always complained of severe abdominal pain, which he said, has been going on for a long time, and he had visited the hospital, nothing was found after scan and test carried out. The last option was to insert a microscopic camera through his esophagus into his stomach to know what ails him. It was the cost of it that made him refused because his insurance said they won't pay!


'It might be appendicitis'  My hubby said, which another co-worker agreed. He went ahead to tell him about my cousin, blackky, who experienced similar thing, and the hospital continued treating her for typhoid and malaria. My mum had to rush her to a clinic close to our house when she was in excruciating pain.The doctor said, she needed to be operated on immediately because it was appendicitis! If you see how ripe this thing was ehen?! Thank GOD for using that doctor o! It would have raptured on her way back to school! Wetin my mum for talk? Her late sister's only daughter? GOD be praised! The colleague was reluctant because, he believed the experienced doctors he visited could not go wrong. But my hubby and the other co-worker, persuaded him to see a different doctor and suggest that it might be appendicitis.


He did not come to work for some days, only for him to resume last week, and told hubby, he was right. He was operated on immediately, that it remained a little for it to rapture! He would have been 'past' now, if he had delayed! And he said, that is why it is good to share your problem, because you don't really know who has the right solution to give. It was this same way, a Nigerian man knew he had sleep apnea.


He is right, but not in 9ja sha! Share your problem ke? Make dem use am cuss you later abi? NO WAY O! Me, myself and I  will be the only ones to know! This 'I-don't-want-people-to-know-my-problem-mentality, is so ingrained in us, that, even our leaders don't share any important personal info with us, unless forced to, and they give us half story! Regardless they are 'servants' of the masses, dem no send! Abi, make the 'witch' that caused it in the first place begin to gloat and finish what 'they' started? LAI LAI O!
source


Please don't blame us oo, because many will start using the problem as a yard stick to measure theirs and make comments like; 'Ha! Thank God ooo, my own is even better than this person sef!' Tell me, you think the person will be happy to hear that? Making he/she to feel bad? Many times, when I read some comments in blogs concerning certain issue, I just sigh! Females are the worst at doing this! Hence, many women bottle up their problem and fall into depression! Even in blogsville, many bloggers keep very important info from the ears of the public, regardless being anonymous or not. There is no human being on earth that does not go through a certain phase in their lives that will try their endurance and faith! When there is a shoulder to lean on, it helps to make the 'load' easier to carry until one throws it on the ground with a resounding thud!


I am a sharer. Many of you reading my blog for a long time knows I wear my heart on my sleeves which has helped me to handle difficult situations, and makes me feel better which is good for my well-being. Many people have developed high blood pressure because of the fear of sharing. The truth my people is that, sometimes you cannot do it alone...you need help....  no man is an Island.The thumb of the rule is that, don't share what you know will hurt you so bad or cause colossal damage, when it gets 'outside'. Simply apply wisdom.  Issues concerning health, faith, finances and relationships can be shared, because absolutely nothing is new under the sun! Also, don't commonize or look down on anybody ...  some people have vast wealth of knowledge because life has thrown 'lemons' at them, that they have learned to make 'lemonade' out of it. 

Peace out!



Sunday, February 19, 2017

GENDER EQUALITY IN NIGERIA.

I wanted the dust raised by the gender equality argument in Nigeria to calm down before I throw in my own 2 cents into the coffers. It has been argued that the bill is not about physical and biological equality, rather socio-eco-political. OK! We then agree that men are stronger, because we want them to change the car tires, open that jar of prickles, lift heavy items,  and go to wars right? Just as we know they have no business in getting pregnant and having PMS, yes? What we want is equal wages for the same jobs, to be governors/presidents, and to able to take major decisions without their consents, abi?

Then why do we tell them; 'Be a man!' Or 'You are a man, or walk like a man? Because we have high expectation from them! I have not talked about money yet ... many women are breadwinners in their household, and some earn far more than men, but deep down, they want the men to bore the major expenses in the home,or during dates. while they chip in. Valentine day celebration just passed, and women were expecting more from their husbands and boyfriends than what they were giving! I said it in an old blogsville interview when asked if there is equality between male and female? I replied NO.The insults that followed ehen? And I still stand on it!

Equality in a layman's understanding is 50-50 of ANYTHING and EVERYTHING! Our fore bearers fought for RIGHT TO WORK! RIGHT TO VOTE! And are still fighting for THE RIGHT TO HAVE SAME WAGES FOR THE SAME JOB DESCRIPTION! I am emphasizing on the word RIGHT, which is different from EQUAL! 'What is your point?' You might all ask? Simple! They picked their battles! 

Again, I ask, What are Nigerian women fighting for? In summary,they are fighting against inhuman or degrading treatment of women! Who does not like to be treated with respect huh? IF WE WOMEN DON'T RESPECT OURSELVES! THEN HOW DO YOU WANT THE MEN FOLK TO RESPECT US? 
Is it the nude pictures?
is it calling each other 'ho'?
Is it passing another man's child to another?
Is it betraying a friend's/sister's trust by sleeping with their husbands/boyfriends?
Is it fighting in public over a man?
Is it using 'bottom power' to get all juicy jobs/contracts/pass exams?
LADIES! RESPECT IS EARNED!IT IS EARNED! And the men have earned it in many ways! I can imagine, how the men might have laughed reading some of the issues raised in the bill,because they know, what our gender is capable of at the right price!

I know some might say, I am derailing off the track, that this is not what the bill was actually talking about! Really? You cannot address one and leave the other! NO MA! All are interlinked! OKAY! If not that, amongst we women, there is discrimination! Is it in the office? Or blogs? or Meetings? We shame the uneducated woman! We shame women that don't have economy power! We body-shame other women! 

Do you know the battles we should pick,that will get global attention? 
FEMALE GENITAL MUTILATION!
MEN NOT PAYING REASONABLE CHILD SUPPORT AND ALIMONY,
IN-LAWS TAKING PROPERTIES FROM WIDOWS!

I did not put up early marriage up there, because if a man approaches a family and say, I want to marry your 12 year old daughter , and they say NO, will he force them? They need enlightenment instead. I did not mention numerous wives because, it is fellow woman like you and I, that will gladly be a 2nd/3rd/4th/5th wife regardless of religious/cultural practice, because of greed and fame! I did not mention the slap-on-the-wrist-punishment given to adulterous married men because married women are also up in their neck in the act! I did not mention helping out with chores, because it depends on ones home training.

So, women, let us simply pick our battles one by one and gradually,we will get what we want...RESPECT and RECOGNITION for our important roles in the society.
Thank you and have a blessed week ahead.

Sunday, February 12, 2017

LOVE IS IN THE AIR!

Flowers are beautifully displayed in shopping outlets. This always happens in valentine and mother's day celebrations. And of course, there are the big teddy bears, chocolates, cards and strawberries coated with chocolates. Love is in the air! And women continue to complain, they are not appreciated? COME ON! Wait until you see father's day display!😃

A Nigerian elderly man once said, his daughter must marry a Nigerian in this obodo oyibo, because he does not want her to forget her root and the thought of letting her go with a 'stranger' to a different state or country he might not visit often, was scary.This was a hot discussion or should I say debate like 2 years ago, and I was with the school of tort that said; 'where ever she finds love and happiness, let her go', afterall, he brought another man's daughter to a foreign land! And technology is there to help him keep in touch with her. I understood his fear as a parent, but as a woman, I know we want to be with the man that makes our heart go ji-gi-di-ji-gi-di like Nigeria locomotive.😆

Anyways,last month, I heard that the man started singing a different tune when he attended a wedding where a Nigerian lady married a white guy, who happens to be divorced. Trust Nigerians nau, it became a topic for gisting, abi, gossiping, anything una like, call am ... infact, we should be holding talk shows! Why? He saw many Nigerian single ladies at the reception, wishing, they have husbands regardless of the race, and when some shared their experiences with Nigerian guys, they vowed not to have anything with them again, and are ready to marry oyibo or latino! It was then he knew how far!

I have been observing the dating scene here and come to understand why parents allow their children date early as when they are in high school. Watching hollywood movies in Nigeria then, I wondered why parents will allow their children go out on a date? This is because, the thunderous slap or severe beating Nigerian parents will give their daughter if a boy has the audacity to come to their house to ask to see her, is better imagined than experienced, 'you don spoil!' Will be the insult hauled at her! That is why teenagers do corner-corner love, until they are very old enough, which can be in their 20's if not 30's sef, to tell their parents they have a boyfriend. Some parents don't want to know , but expects you to bring in a man to show them, when they start asking, 'where is ya husband?' As if, you will just wave a magic wand ,... abra-ca-dabra, husband materializes! Same parents that were playing the ostrich before o!  Our 9ja parents! I throw-way q-bey hands for una oo!

It can be very cold and lonely, I tell you! Especially for people not with their families. The mind-your-business-attitude, and 'I-don;t-want-litigation-issues-later' don't allow socialization. It is in schools, work places and religious gatherings that people meet and interact ... sometimes ... and it ends as they walk out of the doors. Most people drive rather than walk, public transport is not common in some states, like, where I stay in Texas, it is in down-town you will see public transportation, only Uber operates in the city I live. Some don't like riding buses because they miss the time schedules, and waiting in the cold during winter and under the blazing sun during summer, is something-else! So, how will people meet? No wonder bars and clubs are the places you will see many people in the evenings.

In Nigeria, 'good girls and boys' don't go clubbing!😏  You can be 'toasted' in the bus or while waiting at the bus stop. Your neighbour's son can be 'scooping' you when passing the front of their house. Or your gangster mother can 'set-you-up' with each other. Or your 'naughty' friend can match-mate you with her brother. The list is endless, because, we live in a communal system, unlike here. So, if 2 teenagers like themselves in high school, since they won't graduate until they are 17-18 years, parents allow them go to dates with a chaperone or after the no-sex talk,  because, many marry their high school sweet hearts, after their college degree or immediately self! My neighbour married at age 19, while her hubby was 20 ... 19 years later, they are still together with 4 kids.

I was amused when a girl said she has a crush on my son ... a very tall and pretty girl. I asked my son, he was shy to admit it first, but, after much cajoling, he opened up too ... I told him, I am cool with it ... they can be friends ... when they both go to university ... who knows?😁 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!💑

Monday, February 06, 2017

THE CHERRY-PICKING CHRISTIANS.

I do sometimes have a bible study with my children when we don't go to church. Last week, I talked about the 10 commandments, and as I read;'Thou shall keep the Sabbath day holy ....... I hesitated, because it brought back to my mind the question I had asked as a teenager then; If we all kept the Sabbath day holy, then who will be at the hospitals, police stations, fire stations, Electricity and water stations, and who will drive people to their various churches?

'Man was not created for Sabbath but Sabbath for man!' Jesus told the accusers of his disciples when they saw one of them 'working'.  Of course, I want to believe that we know that Sabbath was not originally on Sunday but Saturday right? And there is another perspective on what Jesus meant; we can decide whatever day we want our Sabbath to be ... Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday or Thursday or Friday! 

Why am I bringing this up? It is because I realized you and I have become 'cherry-picking-Christians'. We simply pick whatever scriptures that suits our lifestyles. But the scripture says, God'd word remains the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow! And, when we break one of the commandments, we are guilty of breaking the remaining 9! SO THERE!

I work on Sundays, likewise many essential services needed for human survival. But the scripture says ... not even our animals, or  slaves   should work on that day, we should rest, because GOD who created the universe rested on the 7th day after working for 6 days! 

So my brothers and sisters, before we start putting on our 'holy' garments because we don't wear jewelries, or wigs, or apply makeup, or tie  our hair 24/7, or don't have premarital sex, or never miss night vigil or whats-nots! WE ARE ALL SINNERS! YEP! You and I! So brethren let us pluck that our  a** down on a chair, and take a deep look into our souls and know that we are simply living by HIS GRACE and you ... yes YOU! (pointing) That will come and read this post and carry your nose up in the air like an 'aristocrat' and quickly walk out with your sanctimonious cloak flapping behind you, you need the word more! For HE said, I will show mercy on whom I choose to!

Shalom!

Wednesday, February 01, 2017

IN THIS NEW MONTH KE?!

I know it is too soon to write another post when the previous is just 2 days old, but I want to serve it hot and don't be putting my muse on hold again and lose her in the process. SO! Blackky my cousin called me yesterday;

Aunty o!

Yes!

You remember the former place una live before una travel comot chei?

SHIOR! Which kain question be that? Why I no go remember? Which year I comot sef? I even remember the first place where my parents lived when they moved to lagos sef! 

HA! HA!No vex! Your body too dey pepper you sha! 

Ahahaha, you no serious at all! Nah me you dey talk to like that? You know say, I for don twist that your mouth for you, suppose, you near me!

TAAA! I am a big girl now o!

Big wetin? E neva tey when I stopped changing your nappy sef!

AUNTYYY! HIAN!! E don do!

I hear! So whatsup?

Ehen-ehen, you know all those shop-containers inside and around the Estate?

Yes.

Them don they destroy all o! 

Say WETIN?

Yes oo!

I dey go badagry, when I see commotion every where as I pass mile 2. Then, I hear people dey talk say, govt wan come destroy containers na dey for near road, around the estate and inside sef. They don give them notice since, but they think say, ' na-as-usual', nothing go happen. Some come write petition when they know say water don pass garri...

Ehen-ehen?

...but dem no look their face! See wahala for everywhere o, I no fit take picture, I for send you.

NA WA! E mean say, my turkey customer cold room, the bakery and that popular evening supermarket will be affected ! OGA OOO! People's livelihood in this recession, gone just like that?

NA SO OO!

That was how houses,  hospitals, and schools were destroyed when they wanted to expand the road about 10 years ago, now this?

Na so we see am oo!

So, were will the traders go now, ehen?

Some go rent shop inside that rice market. Some, find where to put their load first.

SIGH!

We talked more, but I don't want to bore you guys. For those who don't understand all that jargon up there; My cousin was simply telling me that shops are being destroyed in the former Estate I lived before relocating, thereby making things more difficult for people.

I trust my country people, they will always overcome any hurdle on their lane! I am so concerned about my friend, whose shop was affected, after spending so much on renovation last year. I spoke to her yesterday after chatting with my cousin. It's well!

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