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Thursday, September 14, 2017

PEEPING IN!

Hellooooo!
Long time no see!
I am very much around ... just peeping in as I have a little break.
So many things on my plate right now ... later, we go yarn😁
It's evening now, I want to rest a while before leaving for work.
I will write a long post next time.
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Monday, August 21, 2017

TOUGH LOVE!

I want to believe we all know the 'ways of the eagles' right? If you don't, you can read it here. The mother eagle do show tough love to her eaglets! Same way parents, relatives and friends might do to us, NOT because they are haters, rather it is coming from a place of concern. NOT every criticism is out of bitterness! YES! It will be painful but they are doing it to force you on your feet because the path of life is not filled with roses ... which even have hidden thorns!

 Let me illustrate with my situation; My mother on several occasions, told me to get a job or start a business because life is not as it seems and an elderly neighbour in Nigeria, once said, men cannot be trusted and depended on, and few bloggers have mentioned that it is because of the unexpectedness  ... as much as it pained me that, nobody actually understood my dilemma, (Who would look after my kids?) I had to make an effort; I sold recharge cards, ice-block,  Zobo drink, video CDS and leased out novels ... my ice-block business collapsed because of epileptic electricity,  Zobo did not move at all, gains from recharge cards were too minimal and some people bought on credit, I made good turn out on novels, and CDS. I later got a store manager position that paid 20k monthly, the time and days were flexible which I liked, before I relocated.

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 NOW! Compare it to a commenter who referred to SAHMs as maggots, that they should go and find something doing! That all they do is to eat off the man, making him not to progress. As much as this person that spew this bile filled words, wants every woman to be financially independent, she is angry! I sincerely pray for such person future daughter-in-laws, because I hear she has sons mostly. But I do wonder what she and her 'friends' will call mistresses/concubines/side-chicks that depends on their married lovers for rent, school fees, feeding, and clothes? But deride the legal wives at home who are looking after the kids ... abi no be human being dey for the creche you carry your kids to? Or the maid/ nanny that looks after them at home for you? Maybe the 'logs' in her eyes did not let her 'see'?

OKAY! Why am I writing about tough love today? It is because of a recent gist I heard within our 9ja community o. A mother came to visit her sons here. She first stayed with the eldest. Due to her health challenges, she needed all round care. Those who work in the health business will understand what I mean ... wait a minute oo ... have I ever told you guys my kind of job? Hmmm....I think not ... but I had mentioned it in my favourite entertainment blog ... I worked as a care giver ... right now, I am in the retail industry. SO! The Eldest DIL was taking care of her, combined with her every day job, which was not easy. Her kids were grown, so they helped. 

The mother later moved to the younger son's home. The younger DIL's job was demanding, her kids little, combined to giving her MIL an all round care was very tasking! She did her best, but body no be wood! When the MIL saw that she was OYO, she began, doing some things for herself! This took everyone by surprise because they thought she was incapable! The eldest DIL realized that her MIL took advantage of her unlike the no-nonsense attitude in her younger son's home! When she returned back to her eldest son's home, she maintained her lane wella! All the paparazzi stopped! Her eldest DIL felt so much relief and thanked the younger DIL.

The younger DIL did NOT hate her MIL before some of you will jump into conclusion and start calling her names o. She treated her with the same respect as the eldest DIL did, but she simply made her MIL to realize she is NOT a super-woman! That in this country where immigrants are chasing after the $$$, ain't nobody gat time and energy to be an one-to-one- care-giver, unless one is being paid for it, shikenah!! You have to pull your own weight around or make efforts, unless one is obviously incapable ... even with that sef, special gadgets are installed in homes to make job and life easier for all parties involved. If it was back home, there will be many hands to help because of our communal family system. 

When I heard the story, I thought within myself, if both the DILS were SAHMs nko? CHEI! Dem for see W-EN! Dem for see shege! WO! Dem for hear am hot! (It would have been demanding!) She would want 100% attention, afterall, they are not working, but siddon in her sons' house  chopping their money left, right and center, so they must work for it by force by fire ke! AHAHAHA... Abi no be true I dey talk so?

Jokes apart though, pampering does not get some things done, some hard experiences push us to achieve our best! As my people do say, no pain, no gain! And the scriptures says we should count it all joy when trials and temptations come across our ways, because when we overcome them, we will become stronger in faith ... and our creator and father will never give us a burden more than what we can carry. And this popular song by kelly clarkson ..what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger! SO! Don't going hating people when they are hard on you, try to see the direction they are coming from ... it will be painful ... but worth it at the end.




Thursday, August 17, 2017

DEAR NIGERIAN HUSBANDS.

Dear  Nigerian Husbands,
It has come to our notice that, you are calling us intolerant, when it comes to our in-laws.That if, it were our own parents and siblings, we would welcome them happily.


Hmmm.... it is not as you think ooo, our dear husbands; The crown on our heads, the owner of our heads, the glory of our heads, the one that paid our dowries, the father of our children, the one that makes our heart go, jigidijigidi, like locomotive engine, the one that knows where our 'mumu' button is and press it wella, the one that knows how to make us scream out your name in pleasure! Please hear us out.


How do you want us to feel, after sweating it out in the kitchen and our food was rejected by your siblings or parents, the same food you and our children ate? The same food, you gave your hard-earned money to cook for the family? Is it easy to be thinking of a balanced meal 3x a day, 7 days a week, 30 days a month and 365 days in a year? We are not running a hotel or restaurant that one can pick their meals!


We take care of our children, you,ourselves, as if that is not enough, we will still be expected to look after your siblings and parents who will not help in anyway! We are not snow-white that sang for birds, rabbits, cats, rats and roaches that came and helped her with house chores! Imagine, sweeping, washing dishes, doing the laundry, and cooking for many adults and children! One person for 7 or more people? Do the maths na! 1 divided by 7? Is it not in negative? We are not super-women like Clark's cousin ...  whats her name again ooo ... we can't remember jor, because our head is so jammed up with many things to do! HABA! We are not maids in our homes but your partner!


Our husbands' house is our matrimonial home, our manor, our domain, NOT an extension of your parents or siblings house! OUR rules not theirs! So, it annoys us when your siblings or parents wants to impose their ways on us in OUR territory! HABA! When you are in Rome, behave like the Romans! If they will stay with us, then abide by our rules! 



Do they know your finances? We ask because, we don't understand the constant demands and expectations from us! So, we cannot 'drink water and put cup down again' without them wanting to drink from the same cup? We know you have an obligation to them, but at the expense of your own children and wives? Is it a stranger that will train your own children? YES! Your parents sent you to school or trained you, if they did not, you will be a problem to them not to us! This is the blunt truth! Afterall, their own parents trained them! That is the cycle or wheel of life,and you will have to train your own children! Shikenah!


How is this different from our own siblings and parents when they come abi? 
HAAA! It is different oo! Just like 7up! Our own siblings or parents will not fold their hands, or lift up their legs for us to sweep under their feet, when they see us busy, they will help us with the chores. They will not reject any food we cook and if we are broke, they will assist us in any little way they can and they will obey our rules which might not be different from the rules in our maiden home because the honest bitter truth is that, it is the women that OWNS the home, not the man! You still doubt us? Ask your mothers then!


And before you men point the obvious that someday we too will be in-laws in future, we know and say a resounding AMEN! Any Nigerian in-law and person  who respects him/herself, will adhered to the wise saying in proverbs 25:17 from the wisest king who lived on earth ... 
Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house-- too much of you, and they will hate you.
New Living Translation
Don't visit your neighbors too often, or you will wear out your welcome.
English Standard Version
Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor’s house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you.

Tuesday, August 08, 2017

I AM NOT THE SAME PERSON!

I mentioned in one of my previous post that some of my values have changed due to experience and environment. I will try my best to explain it, so there won't be any mis- understanding as it happened when I made my inner confession public. This might be a long read because I will simply go with the flow of my thoughts, without editing .... so bear with me.

I worked before I got married and the team spirit was imbibed in me. If you like to go solo, you will be seen as 'your-own-too-much-kind of person' or 'I-too-do-person', and you might not be liked for that! So, imagine my surprise, when I saw the reverse is the case here! It is; I, me and myself, even in a team! I couldn't understand the 'self-centeredness-mentality in work places, everyone was simply covering their ass and doing ONLY their jobs assigned to them! I had to learn the hard way that there is no 'we' in a team! I later knew the reason behind this concept ... some people will want to take advantage of you! Like monkey dey work, baboon dey chop! Some just want the paycheck without pulling their own weight around! And they see an enabler as bad as the enablee! (is there a word like that? ahahha, but you get the gist sha?)


Some times, I have to be fighting a battle inside me ... Do it! Don't do it! Do it! Don't do it! Few times I give in and do it because, what is in you, is in you! Sometimes I will 'strong' my mind wella like stone and look the other way ... why? Simply because nobody gives a s***,  as long as the work got done! Oga at the top just wants to see the end result, Shikenah! It is when there are drawbacks or cracks, they now take a look to see where the problem is coming from, before it would be addressed, or else you will be working like 'jackie', and be collecting the same pay, afterall, dem no send you message! Infact, when they know you are good at what you do, they will add jara sef! When a co-worker advised me in my former place of work, I thought she was joking, until I experienced it, then me too, borrow small sense and re-adjust.



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Lemme share these instances with you. In my former place of work, when we received packages from the mail, anything that cannot enter the trash can beside us, we took it to the back, into the big garbage bin. So, I came in one night, and saw empty big boxes by the hallway, after 2 days, nobody threw it away ... maybe the person travelled to the moon, I eventually picked it up, only to come the next night, and there were another big boxes! SERIOUSLY???!!! This person must be a joke! Back from the moon abi? Maybe she had a hired help, I didn't know about? I just jejely waka pass and throughout that night, I took another way, just to avoid seeing it and be tempted to remove it! My other co-workers no send! Let me digress here ... many bloggers and readers thinks I like wahala ... but I have said it here before, I don't like trouble, to avoid  any form of confrontation, I can take another route or walk away, but when I am left with no choice, then I bare my fangs! The boxes were there until I went for my days off, when I came back, they were gone and the person did not put more! What happened? I dunno! Maybe her hired help quit?



My new place of work is smaller, so we are told to clean after ourselves, before the next shift comes in, unlike my former place where we had housekeepers. You will think, what is the biggie right? Well, it will surprise you that some don't know or like to 'wipe their own butt!'  Many times, I had to empty other people's trash before I start my own duties, it got to a point I left a note on the board for them to take out their trash ... FOR WHERE! Instead, it was ripped off and thrown away! I see! I said to myself! 'No problemo!' So, they knew what they were doing ba? They next nights, I kukuma, shift their trash to one corner, found alternative, and emptied mine! After some days, I think someone noticed it, and they now clean after themselves! One should learn not to take crap, because you want to be the bigger or better person ... it does not help in all situations. Simply choose wisely. The day a co-worker bluntly said it was not her job, when a manager asked her to do something another co-worker 'neglected' to do, I said YES! You wan mess with akata? My oyibo manager go do the thing  jejely! Since then, the manager became strict with that shift! 



I have also learnt to squarely face my lane! As long as it is not my a** on the line, it is not my problem! This much my co-team worker told me when I pointed out an observation to him regarding one of his duties, that it will cause problem later. I apologized to him, while saying OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! inside of me. It was none of my damn f*****g business, right? But you see, my manager and I ended up doing it the next day, when the problem happened! And he was off!  This made me strong-minded not to help him with any of his duties like I was doing before. This co- worker is the weak link in our wheel of operation, not because he does not know what to do ... he simply didn't want to do it or couldn't be bothered! His lackadaisical attitude drove us crazy that we just had to accept him for who he is ... if na dudu, he for don get the boot! Another lesson learnt .... you have to live with people's flaws as they also tolerate you!


Smoking! HUMPH! By force by fire, I have become a secondary smoker which is worst than the primary smoker! I don't like it and will never like it!  The smell is choking and nauseating! NO! I don't hate those that smoke oo. It happens during our break; I wait for them to finish first before having mine or I have mine first before theirs, but I will miss the 'juicy wine from the office grape-vine'. Yep! Many unofficial information are discussed between the smokers, because oga  sef join! 


Which reminds me of the novel I read several years ago, about an employee who had to join the smokers club because she was always left behind promotions. She later found out that, when they smoked, both ogas at the top and subordinates became friends and important unofficial info was leaked out at that vulnerable moment! She was puffing fake cigarettes, and became friendly with her boss, later she got promoted, her boss found out about her 'act!' So, what I'm saying? Sometimes, you've got to do, what you've got to do to survive, stay afloat or be at the top and when the consequences comes, SUCK it up! 



I have nice neighbours who are smokers and Christians too! Truthfully speaking, I have not seen it in the bible where it is a sin as I was taught in Nigerian churches. It is simply unhealthy. Many smokers are kind, helpful than some of our so-called christian brethren! Smoking is seen or accepted like, when you get hungry, eat! Or when you get thirsty, drink! It is nothing to them here, that is why I was not surprised to hear that some doctors and priests smoke! The problem is the addiction and upgrading to something higher which is dangerous. SO! I told them,the smell bothered me, and they were gracious enough to sit several feet away from me when smoking, and I bury my nose inside my blouse ... I look funny doing that ... but that is the price I have to pay to be in good rapport with my team, afterall, no man is an Island.



WELL! Daz all for today ... I have bored you enough for now .... maybe some other time! 

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Thursday, August 03, 2017

APARTMENTS AND HOUSES.

We call residential properties in Nigeria; House. Be it flats, tenement buildings, duplexes, mansions ... all is house! I came to know that there is a difference when we relocated. There is apartment which is same as Flat in Nigeria. There is Town house which Nigerians call semi-detached duplex, and there is single-family unit house / 2-floors house, which is known back home as bungalow or 2- story house. 

I had once talked about the problem of roaches (dem no dey call am cockroaches o!) in the Estate I lived In Nigeria,which was not helped by my neighbour who decided to use the backyard as her storage for unwanted household items. Then in New jersey where I had to complain to the janitor, after few weeks of moving into a semi-detached town-house. Later in Texas, when we moved into a recently built apartment, the management had to carry out fumigation many times because of my complaints, apart from my own effort. Hence, I took time to look wella for a detached town house when we moved again, and for the past 2 years, I HAVE NOT SEEN A SINGLE ROACH! Abeg, make no winchy come turn to roach visit me oo ... ahahhaha. Which reminds me, after writing the last post on this constant problem, an anonymous wrote in my favourite entertainment blog that it is only people that are dirty that have roaches .....I laughed! That means, ALL Nigerians in Nigeria are dirty! I didn't say some because there are open gutters every where, clogged drainages and improper waste disposal which is a haven for roaches! These cretins find a way into our homes and starts breeding! 


Apartments. Source

There are no open gutters here, nor clogged drainages and there are proper disposal of waste, so where did these cretins come from? By the way, why this post? It is because, my co-worker who had been searching for an apartment eventually found one and was excited. I told her to avoid ground floor because of roaches, that a friend (Patrina) once said, it did not get to her apartment that was 2 floors above. 'Oh, they are everywhere! All apartments have them, because there are many people in a big building!' she replied. My other co-worker agreed too, that you just have to live with it. She said, her sister's apartment was really infested regardless of the several measures taken to curb them, until they found out, her up-stair's neighbour was a hoarder! I remember when I was complaining bitterly, a lady in the same estate told me to check around, that someone was probably hoarding or not taking out their trash!
House. Source


The roaches here are not like the type in Nigeria oo! These ones are much smaller, darker in colour and come out enmass. When you see them, it is like ants gathering over a cube of sugar! I kid you not! I made sure there was never dishes in the sink, the trash was taken out every night, and I decluttered, often; WHOSAI! The more they come out! So WHERE WERE THESE CRETINS COMING OUT FROM? I simply didn't know! But I do know that, they have built a colony inside the walls because it is made out of wood. 80% of residential buildings are made of wood or pako as we call it in 9ja! Well padded with the foundation and load-bearing  beams/columns made out of concrete. I asked why, and was told because of cold. If bricks were used, during winter, it will be extremely cold inside, which will cost more to heat up ... no wonder when we visited  Aberdeen, the cold wan wound us inside house, even with the heater on!

The differences between houses and apartments is not the cost of leasing ... infact you will be surprised to know they are on the same range! The difference is maintenance; Janitors clean the surroundings of the apartments building, mown the lawns, and double as handy-men who fix whatever problems in the apartments. While in houses, you do all these yourself, the landlord, only fix structural damage as long as you did not cause it, and if there is a leakage or the stove (not called gas cooker oo), is not functioning well, and you might co- pay depending on the agreement.


Town-houses. source


Houses are good for large families; It is spacious, the kids can play and scream as they want without fear of a neighbour coming to knock on the door to keep it down or report to the office, who will send a warning letter. I remember, how my up-stair's neighbour's kid jumped so hard on their floor that the ceiling fan above me shook violently, that I immediately went upstairs to tell them. What of when a former neighbour was bouncing a ball on their floor, on one spot for an hour in the night, under my bedroom and I was pregnant then .... me-hn..I couldn't sleep ... I was so mad ... the next morning this teenager  smirked at me ... then I knew it was deliberate ... it was during the ' racial-tension-time' in yankee ...  so glad when they moved out ... the management refused to renew their lease.

I will advise any immigrant with more than 2 kids to lease a house or detached town-house, than an apartment. It will give you peace of mind, more privacy and NO ROACHES!


Monday, July 31, 2017

TROUBLE DEY SLEEP...YANGA GO WAKE AM!

Wahalaaaa! Trouble dey sleep yanga go wake am!

I drank a certain energy drink out of long throat last night at work ..... 12 hours later I am still wide awake!

I have tossed on the bed tire! Eventually opened my laptop to update and do some changes..so restless to watch any movie or read a book sef, who send me message?

Awoof dey really purge belly! Osho free things make me drink am oo! 

No wonder my co-workers drink several cans every night! This is worst than coffee to me! At least, I manage sleep, though, caffeine makes me jittery. 

Glad this is my off night....can't wait for oga to come and give me 'therapy' so I might sleep *wink*

Ok, later guys.

Monday, July 24, 2017

WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?

Hello everyone!
So much had happened in the virtual world this past weeks!
A wife calling out her husband's side chic!  Who wears the shoe...
A Granddaughter saw her grandmother making love! Double standard!
A wife assassinated her husband! Insanity!
Aigbe went back to Gentry! AHAHAHAHAAAAAAA. 
The lady faking Dv and calling the cops! SERIOUSLY??

The common denominator in all these is WOMAN! WOMAN! WOMAN!
Sometimes, I ask myself, what is our problem???
What do we really want???
Love? Money? S*x? faithfulness? Respect?
Are our men the problem or is it us?
Or is it the curse Eve brought unto us.. our desire will be to please our men always?
I mean WHAT IS REALLY THE PROBLEM???

You see, it amuses me when we cuss out each other, if not fat vs slim, it will be working wife vs housewife, or natural hair vs relaxed hair,or natural birth vs CS, beautiful vs ugly, or having class vs not having class! And we expect to be taken serious by men? We are NOT better than the men we castigate, yet we fast and pray for husbands! I don't support other women blindly, simply because we have the same anatomy! Women can be very deceitful, hypocritical and evasive to achieve their goal ... many men are paying the price! Hell has no fury as a woman when scorned! We are more outspoken than men, that is why, we think they don't suffer emotionally and physically ... their ego prevents them.

The irony is that women gave birth to men! Just like the potter and it's clay, we mould them to become who and what they are! That is why, I don't agree with the proverbs 31 virtuous woman thing! That queen-mother was setting too high a standard for her future queen-daughter-in-law for her king-son! None for her future son-in-law for her daughter? The scripture says; Wives submit ... Husbands love .... when a wife is submissive, she is turned to a doormat ... when a husband loves , he is turned to mumu because the human nature is corrupt! The middle ground here is RESPECT! 

SO! Back to the question, what do we want as women?
Financial security, to be able to meet the family NEEDS not necessarily luxuries.
Respect, I did not say love, because, it has been confused with lust!
And faithfulness, we don't like sharing!
I did not say s*x because every woman's libido differs. Regardless of that, a woman will choose comfort-ability over sex! There are adult toys to help her out. 
Thanks for reading.



Saturday, July 15, 2017

EXPERIENCE IS A GOOD TEACHER ... OTHERS EXPERIENCE IS THE BEST!

Hello everyone! Please rest assured, I DO believe in GOD and our Saviour! My previous post was misunderstood. Being a Christian does not mean, one cannot have an open mind and acquire more knowledge. OK! That one is out of the way. Thanks.

Have you ever remembered a past action or decision and you cringed because you realized you were either childish, naive, rash in your decision or just downright stupid?! Why is that? Simply because you have gained experience as you go through the phases of life ... I don't want to say age, because some people go through a lot much earlier than others .... and we learn everyday. This is why, our elders say; What your parents sees while sitting down, you will not see it even if you climb the tallest palm tree! This is not about age ... but experience!

Why, am I or is it I am? Hmmm ... am I, sounds better, but our 9ja 'doctors' of English  says there is nothing like, am I! Okay oo, even the people nah get the language do use am I! Alright! As I was saying o jare ... I can't resist sneaking in pidgin now and then, it makes story sweet wella!  Ehen! Ehen! As I was saying, I gained a new experience yesterday, but for the sake of avoiding a long post which many people don't have the patient to read anymore, when they can use their time and data to do other things, I will write about it some other day.  

I just want you to pick something from this post; Our values and priority do change with the experience as we make our journey in this path of life, so lets have an open mind. Gracias!


Wednesday, July 05, 2017

MY INNERMOST CONFESSION.

 I was taught Christianity is the only true  religion on earth and non-believers will perish in hell! I have suppressed my questions and curiosity all these years not to be seen as an unbeliever or worst a backslider!. The truth is that, I am hungry for the knowledge about other religion and the honest-truth about how Christianity in totality! I know it was coined from the name Christ, but we all know that name is very common amongst a certain race now. The first time I came across the name JESUS CHRIST borne by a mere human, I was so surprised and wondered, did his parents not see any other name? And I pondered, whenever I end my prayer 'in Jesus name I pray.' Am I praying through this individual? Or when I say. 'I cover myself with the blood of Jesus Christ'. Am I referring to that particular individual? Well, that is not what, I am going to talk about today.

I love the monks way of living.
I believe in re-incarnation.
I like Astrology.
Which is ALL against the church teachings. I refused to say scriptures because the 3 wise men followed the stars to locate Christ.(Mattew 2:1-12) And John the Baptist was thought to the re-incarnation of Elijah(Mattew 11:13-14, John 1:19-21, Malachi 4:5, Luke 1:13-17, 2 kings1:8)  and the earlier prophets lived a rigid lifestyle, shunning all materialism and mediate often. 

My questions are; Is Christianity the only true religion?
Don't other religions get revelations and see visions?
Don't God manifest Himself to them as He wishes?
Don't our creator perform miracles in other religions?
I ask all these questions because, GOD himself said I will judge your motive behind every actions (proverbs 21:2) and John in revelation said, he saw a multitude of people of diverse race and tongues in the presence of the throne awaiting judgement (Revelation 7:9).  Even the chosen race, do not believe in Christianity! Does that mean, GOD is no longer with them since HE made an everlasting covenant with Abraham? (Genesis 17). Please, don't reply with the power of darkness answer ... that demons give these other religions false revelations, visions and miracles! Because if you do, there are many instances in Christendom where many revelations, visions and miracles were all lies!  

Many Nigerians back home will always wonder why do Christians who left for abroad always change ... some become atheists, some lukewarm, some very liberal,  some non-believers of all the 'paparazzi' in our churches. It is for the simple reason that, living abroad will test your faith often ... when you see and hear things that have been accepted as the norm even within the church all in the name of settling down, you will be weak! Who I am to judge? I have not walked in their shoes nor do I know their story!

As much as I want to believe Christianity is the one and only true religion ... I can't!
That is it! I said it! A monk once said:
God is not a Christian.
God is not a Jew.
God is not a Muslim.
God is not a Buddhist.
God is LOVE!

Love thy neighbour as thyself!(Do unto others as you want them to do to you!)
Worship thy LORD thy GOD with all thine heart and in truth!
These are the 2 greatest commandments Christ said to his disciples when they asked Him. (Mattew 22: 36-40) DO WE, AS CHRISTIANS ADHERED TO THESE? Then how can we say Christianity is the true and only religion recognized by GOD? Can we say the hand is more important than the leg? (1 Corinthians 12:15)  Or the eyes more important than the ears? Or the tongue more important than the teeth? Did GOD not create all the parts to function differently but ONE BODY? 

p.s I will open the comment section for this post, to learn and gain knowledge from you all. Thank you. Happy new month...7th month ... GOD'S perfect number! 

p.s.s, I just got notified that the comment section is not showing ... checked my settings, it is activated, but I don't know why it is not enabled on this post ... no problemo .. you can send me a mail if you wish to newdawn9th@gmail.com ... Appreciate.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

DON'T TAKE IT PERSONAL!

Many times, I have heard these words; 'Don't take it personal!'. 'Keep it professional!' And I have wondered how? When you are working with humans and not robots? Yet, they say be 'passionate and committed to your job'! Again, I ask, 'how can you do that if you don't give  your all? To explain my point clearly, lemme gist you what went down in my place of work.

I started a new job 4 months back and was working with my night manager. Unknown to me she and the day manager had an 'ish' going on and I was caught in the middle ... a tale of 2 elephants fighting and the grass suffering for it! No matter how hard we worked, no good feed back! When we handover our reports in the morning, her written comment to our GM was not encouraging at o! From a scale of 1-10, it was like 2! Yeahh, it was that bad!


Did I like her? NOPE! From day one of she walking through the door on my first night, there was anger all over her and she was so cold ... that the smile froze on my face when I wanted to say hello. She barely gave me a glance ... she no care who dey there! Having gained experience from my former place of work, I too boned her and faced my lane. For a week, I never said a word to her! She was the one that started greeting me ... I replied if I like ... but I made sure I don't ever greet her first! Since, I am the type that wear my heart on my sleeve, no matter how hard I try to hide it, she knew I was pissed off with her!


SO! As I was saying, I didn't know what was going down between both of them, but I was not happy with her feedback because it will reflect on my appraisal! Is my own night manager without her flaws? NAYYY! She get her own for body as every human being including me ... but she is a drama queen with a capital D! She is nice but manipulative! When I knew it had nothing to do with the way I work, but, just sheer vindictiveness on the part of the day manager, I tried hard not to let it get to me and continued to do my best, which the GM noticed and appreciated, but officially, we were not doing good enough! 


Then, the night manager allowed herself to fall into the trap of the day manager! She started dating a co-worker which was against the company's policy! Of course, her foe heard, called GM, who in turn called our oga at the top, with immediate alacrity, she and her lover were transferred to different branches! I only came back from my 2 days off and met a new night manager, who is a friend to the day manager ... and yep, our report became very favourable ... from a scale of 1-10 ... we got 8! How? Are we doing anything different? NOO! It was purely 'bad-belly tinz!' 


And people say, it is nothing personal? We should be professional? Have I come to like the day manager? TAAA! Her personality is vile! This much a GM from another branch complained about! Can you believe my own GM didn't like my night manager and was happy she had left? And, am I glad she had gone? Sincerely yes! Why? Simply because there is no more tension in the office! And I don't have to be at the receiving end!  JEZZZ! Sometimes I was tempted to knock their heads together! 


The blunt truth is that personal emotions cannot be separated from professionalism, because humans are social beings! Yes! I know in the legal and medical field is is strongly advised not to let that happen but s*** happens all the time!


Happy celebrations to all Muslims. Barka de sallah.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

TITHING!

YES! YES! Scurry away as you read the title because it is a sensitive matter and you don't want to be caught sinning, right? I understand,I was in that position before, because of the teachings of the church. But like Paul said,'when we were children, we thought like one ...' As babies in Christendom, we believed and followed everything our 'adults' said and did until we 'grew up' and realized somethings ain't just right!

The bible recorded that Abraham paid his tithe from *the spoils of war* when he met the priest on his way home. The good book explained that tithes were paid once in every 3 years into the temple of GOD, to help the priests who were not given lands, orphans, widows, the fatherless and the poor. 

Thousands of years ago, a DIVINE being made  ALL believers, priests through His sacrifice and our body is now a temple, where the HOLY SPIRIT dwells. Hence, no more 'Levities to help us present our requests before our creator and tithes don't have to be paid inside a building! 'The poor will always be amongst you' Christ said, so they still need help. Giving your tithe to charity, orphanages, widows, fatherless, or anyone you see that is poor, is still fulfilling the scripture of tithing.

And, NO! Student allowance is NOT for tithing!
And, NO! House-keeping allowance is NOT tithing!
And,NO! Monetary gifts is NOT for tithing!
And, NO! Business capital is NOT for tithing!
And, NO! Fraudulent money is NOT for tithing!

Our harvest, which is now our income we earned, since we are  all NO longer farmers, cloth weavers, cattle rearers, wine-makers and fishermen, is which, to be tithed. You don't earn an income or don't make profits from your business, you DO NOT TITHE!
Shalom.

1 Corinthians 13:11 
Hebrew 7:2
Deuteronomy 26:12

Tuesday, June 06, 2017

CAN WE EVER GET TIRED OF THIS TOPIC?

HOWDY! Like play, like joke, June is here! Half of the year already! We thank GOD for HIS grace to see it. OKAY! What I want to bare my mind on today, is on the FB post about men cheating and my first cousin who happens to be a pastor agreed that all men cheat! SHIOR! I opened my mouth when I read his comment ... even you pastor? 😁 YEAH! I know it is an overflogged issue but it always gets people attention when infidelity matter is brought up. And from the comments, you will know the women who are yet to be in the institution! E dey sweet for mouth to advise wives, enter first, then come back later to tell us if you adhered to your own words!
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It is always the men that scream blue murder when they are cheated upon because they say women cheat with their hearts in it, while theirs is purely physical! I hear! Why then abandon your family for your mistress? Or Neglect your responsibilities at home to satisfy your concubine needs huh? Men also say cheating women might end up giving them pregnancies that are not theirs, but you men also have love-children outside your matrimonial home! 

All the same, none cheat with themselves! It takes two to tango! The men cheat with women, and women do same with men. SO! Who is really cheating on who, since, It is a merry go round? And again, cheating is as old as as the earth. Yet! We never get tired of talking about it! Why? Apart from the pain of betrayal, history has taught us it can change the course of a whole nation/human race! SIGH!


Friday, May 26, 2017

MAMA na MAMA!

Mother's day was celebrated on May 14th in yankee, and Children's day will be celebrated tomorrow in 9ja. As usual, beautiful words were said about mothers by their children, so who happens to be the evil mothers we read and hear about huh? My reply is in the scripture that said; 'even the evil ones knows how to do good to their own children!'{Matthew 7:11}. Well, that is not what I really want to talk about today. 

My cousin asked something from his father, when it was not given, he got angry and said; 'Why did you give birth to me when you knew you could not take care of me?' His father replied; 'Did you not see I was a poor man before you decided to come?' We all laughed ...  that was years ago. So I thought, if children were able to look down from heaven and see into the family they would be born into ... hmmm ... some might not have children, while many would have in abundance! But they have no choice in the matter. They go where ever our creator sends them to. Remember, we are just caretakers, because children are a blessing and heritage from GOD.{Psalm 127:3} (PLEASE no offense towards women seeking for the fruit of the womb. It is elaborate the point I am driving at. Thank you.)

Nigerians are fond of telling their children, 'I carried you in my belly for 9 months!' I laboured for you! Most times, I go SHHHHHHH! If they didn't come, won't you be the one running from pillar to post searching for them? They did us a great favour by coming into this wicked world sef! So, Nigerian mothers should stop holding their children to ransom jor! They are the ones to be more celebrated for given women the privilege to be called mothers and men,fathers!
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SO! It hurts me really bad to see children harmed by their own parents or step parents or guardians or relatives! It is because of children many wives stay put in their marriages; they want to protect and provide for them. It is our duty as mothers to always put our children first. Hence, I am usually surprised when I hear stories of women who love their husbands more than their children or put their own needs first before their children. 

The honest bitter truth is that, no woman can love another woman's child more than hers! Yes! She can love and care for that child but will not make certain sacrifices for him or her if push comes to shove, as she will do for her own child without a 2nd thought! WHY? For the simple reason that, a child will always go back to his or her biological mother as long as she is alive! That is when, you will hear Nigerians say; 'Mama, na Mama! 

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY! 

Monday, May 15, 2017

NIGHT JOBS.

NO! NO! NO! I have not stopped blogging as few might be thinking. I have so much on my plate; I have a guest from Nigeria, being with us for a month now and I am trying to settle into my new job, so my routine completely changed. I seldom visit blogs because, I am stressed out! This much my doctor said after I went for my wellness check up few weeks back. If I have my way, I will work days, but I cannot afford daycare for my 3 year old.

I observed that, the people that mostly work nights are students, grannies who helps out baby sitting their grandchildren during the day, mothers whose kids are young, those who have a 2nd day job, and young adults whose parents works daytime. I also observed that getting overnight employees is not easy, companies are ever ready to employ them, especially when one is ready to work on Sundays and public holidays. 


I have said it before here that overnight jobs do affect families! Bedroom activities reduces drastically. Housekeeping will be less. All hands will be on deck to keep the ship sailing! The 2 days off is not enough! 3 days, is better! This is because, on my first day off, my body has it's mind of it's own, I sleep all day, it needs to re-boot. On my 2nd day off, I drag myself to do chores and cooking, it will be on the 3rd day, my mind and body merges together, to relax, but I have to resume that night! 
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Listen, some might be wondering, what's the biggie? Afterall, many do 2 -3 jobs! And I will ask; What kind of jobs? The days / hours?  Are they males or females? Are they married or single? Do they have children or not? How many kids and how old? And are they on any pain killer medication? It is no news that many are using hard substance, that is why, drug screening is not toyed with before employment! In my former place of work, there was a notice pleading with any employee who was on drugs to see the HR for counselling! Do you blame some of them? When some employers wants you to have the combined powers of Flash and superman!  There is no black and white, but many gray areas. A manager once said, there is a life outside the job! I am an introvert, and seldom socialize, now it is worst! My kids and hubby are the ones that attends family functions, because, I will be sleeping.  I will not advise a young single female or male to do night jobs, it will affect their dating, unless both are working nights and on the same day off, like a co-worker and his wife in my former place of work.

Thanks for reading ... nope, I am not going back to sleep, rather taking my kid to his choir school concert. #YAWNS# See y'all later.

Friday, April 28, 2017

HOLA!

It's being a busy week! I have been on training in a different location, and I have a guest from Nigeria. So! What has been happening on all social platforms? Because of many fake stories/news, we don't know when someone is telling the truth anymore! But things are really happening! For the fact that, it does not happen to us or someone we know, it does not mean, it cannot happen ... so we should have an open mind and pick the core in the story.

Wedding party, the lastest Nollywood movie is now in Netflix, with the Disney movie, Queen of Katwe! What an inspirational true story! I wept at the end of that movie. I am listening to Shola Adeoye, live in FB, as I type, how many of you watch him? My hubby introduced his page to me ... I like his boldness and bluntness! His true stories from people leaves me speechless!  

Things I hear some Nigerian diasporas do, will make you wonder, whyyy? Like a couple whose annual income is over a million dollars, were on welfare! Depriving the needy! They were investigated for 2 years before confronted. Or is it when a host found out his son's SSN got missing after a guest stayed with him for a month? The identity thief used it to start a job in a different state. When the host's son wanted to start his first job as a teenager during summer, which happened to be a branch of the same company the identify thief was working, that was when the theft was uncovered! The company data base, said, he was already working in the company!


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Abi, is it a lady, who lied against her elder sister to their siblings in Nigeria because she didn't want to be sending money to them? When the siblings also relocated to yankee, they had grudge against their elder sister, until, the scales fell from their eyes, and they saw she was innocent, now, they dislike that other sibling! Another lady hosted a friend who relocated, on the agreement that, she will start paying bills after 2 months of getting a job. Time reached, oya, come and pay, story enter! The friend moved in with her new boyfriend instead! We siddon dey look! No be this yankee? When the guy use her wella, even take her money ontop, in the name of borrowing, her eyes go clear! Just to pay about $300 monthly come be problem because she wants to do big-woman for 9ja and save? So the host no get her own brukata abi? 

Ok guys, daz all for now! make I go sleep small. 
Wishing all Nigerians a restful workers' day on May 1st. I did not say happy because the recession is biting really hard! Salaries are not being paid or slashed! 
Happy new month in advance!😁

Monday, April 17, 2017

HEY! JUST FORGET ABOUT IT!

Hubby was watching a Yoruba movie when I walked into the sitting room. I asked about the storyline. He said, it was about a man in Nigeria who begged his best friend from abroad to marry his wife, because they were poor. 'Hmm, they will fall in love and she will leave her husband in Nigeria'. I said. 'You have watched it before? 'Nope!' I replied, and went back to what I was doing. After he finished watching it, he came to the bedroom, and asked, 'how did I know?' I shrugged and said, that was obvious, and we began to gist about relationships.

I know, I can be too candid for my own good, but the blunt truth is that, when it comes to relationship between men and women, it cannot be predicted! Anything, can happen, especially behind closed doors! See beauty and the beast! (some memes claim it is Stockholm syndrome that happened to beauty πŸ˜€) Some people will come to make noise on social platforms or boast to their friends when gisting, but in privacy, they will either kneel down or prostrate on the floor to beg or ask or talk to their spouses. Forget many of the comments and posts you read on social platforms o! Even if, you live in the same house with the couple, do you sleep with them? 

Abroad can be a lonely place for an adult without family or companion, especially during the winter season. A Nigerian man married an American lady who participates in everything we do. She helps with cleaning and serving guests that the men were impressed,and praised her for wanting to be like a Nigerian woman while the Nigerian women are trying hard to be like the American women. She laughed and said, 'they are still young {she is in her late 40's, her kids have graduated from college), by the time they get to my age and phase, they will seek for a companion, because loneliness is not good'. This is why a family friend who is a divorcee ( her first husband tricked her to get his papers) is about to marry a divorced man from Nigeria in few weeks time. We are seeing red flags,but, she is ready to take the risk, (at least for the next 6 years she won't be alone and who knows, he won't leave her), because she is so depressed! The documented Nigerian men in yankee just want to 'chop and clean mouth', and they don't want 'after 2' as a wife! And, she does not want to be used as a 'ladder' again by them! 

I remember a family friend who was being asked out by her boss who will also know! We advised her to resign because she was the 'good girl' who kept herself for a very long time and had only one relationship. Her boss was able to 'box' her into a corner and she fell yakata like a pack of cards! He sent his wife out, and married her! As my country pipo talk, 'cane used to flog the first wife, na for ceiling dem hang am!' He showed his true colours after she dropped one, that she had no choice than to move out!  He divorced her and went back to his first wife! We never saw it coming! That he would even leave his first wife because he caught her young in the church! He was her first and only man! And he was a strong believer in the word, active in the church and held a position in the church! NOPE! He was not jazzed! He simply wanted a male child and our family friend gave birth to a girl!

This is the reason, we don't understand why some people are in a relationship or marriage, with all the drama involved! It could be because of loneliness, sex, money, apart from societal and religious expectations. So my guys, make we start to dey mind our beewax, and stop being 'tappers!'

P.s, Hmm, my pipo say, since, the bird has learnt to fly without perching, the hunter has also learnt to shoot without aiming! Spammers are really doing something to blogs o! I had notification for 23 comments to be moderated, only to login,...spams! I also get spams from other blogs I comment in, that I don't click the follow up comments again. Hence, I removed the comment section in my blog, since it is only 0-3 comments in a post. IF you have anything to say to me, my email is by the right column. Thanks for your understanding. 

Sunday, April 09, 2017

ELECTRICITY BILL!

I have talked about the bills we pay in yankee, how it really affects the pocket if not well managed. Some might be thinking, how is it different from what we pay in 9ja? My guys, it is different o! In 9ja, I remember paying about #1,500.00 for electricity, so we did not feel the pinch, it was buying of fuel for generator that we felt the punch!
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In March, as hubby was paying the bills, he called me and said, our electricity bill had increased for the past 3 months by 90% ! EHEN! That is 4 much o! I exclaimed! 'Please, check around the house to see what we are using that is consuming so much'.This was because, when he checked the average electricity bill in the same area, ours was too high! He checked the days we used electricity most, it was weekends. He later asked his friends what they pay, it was lesser than ours! 

I googled the peak periods of electricity usage, the best time to do laundry and how to reduce the cost of electricity in homes. In December, the Christmas light was on outside until January. I don't use the dishwasher, the heater was on 24/7 during winter, I seldom use the oven, I cook stew, soup and do the laundry on weekends. So, what could have triggered off our bill to such amount? I walked into the garage ... could it be the deep freezer I moved from the kitchen to the garage in November, and connected to the main outlet? I remembered in my former apartment, the janitor told me it consumes a lot of electricity and advised me to be switching it off for some hours to save on my electricity bill. 

So, I un-plugged the freezer, moved it back to the kitchen. My daughter then told me the washing machine was using hot water. Then I remembered! In January, the washing machine had a little problem, which I fixed and turned the hot water valve on! So, I turned it off. I changed the days of doing laundry;The boys on Fridays, girls on Sundays, and ours on Mondays. Before, the kids do ALL, on Saturday, from dawn to dusk! I monitored the minutes my kids leave the dryer on ... many times they turn the knob to 80 minutes! I told them to switch off the air vents in the bathrooms after a short while (no windows) than leaving it on for hours, and put off any of the Tv they were not watching at the moment, and switched off fans when it becomes cool. I unplugged laptops, chargers and microwave when not in use. I now prepare my large pot of stew and soup on weekdays. 

YAY! Our effort paid off! This morning, hubby paid much lesser! The 90% difference can buy 2 weeks groceries! This is one of the realities of living in yankee o! By the time we add water, sewage, disposal, internet, mobile devices, rent, insurance, credit cards, and  asundry ... yeah, your guess is as good as mine! Wetin come remain for salary abi? Like I have said before, the higher you earn ... complete it o jare. You see why most people credits are messed up or are in pile of debts? Anyone that tries to play 'ten-ten' or 'pakolo' or 'suwe'  with their bills have their services terminated after a letter of notice ... no 'abeg oga', as we do in 9ja!

Some people with similar house, family size and devices, pay half of what we just paid. This is because during day, nobody is at home until in the evening when they return from school and work. Unlike mine, I work at night, and I am home during the day with my baby, until my other kids return from school and hubby from work. I am using the laptop now and the TV is on. I have used the electric jug, microwave, electric stove (It is not called cooker o, it is called stove here,whether be it  gas, kerosene or electric, all na stove!), and I just finished my laundry which I started yesterday night. You see why diasporas can't accommodate guests for too long unless they contribute towards the housekeeping?

It is all about trying to put one's head above waters. I heard a story about a host, when going to work, he would tell his guest to go sight-seeing around the city because he could not afford leaving him alone in his apartment, so as not to increase his utility bills!  ADIOS!

p.s ;Written April 3rd.

Sunday, April 02, 2017

IF SHE IS YOUR MOTHER NKO?

I believe wives in Nigeria have heard this question many times; 'If it is your mother nko?' I had another topic lined up for today, but after visiting my favourite entertainment blog; and reading one of my fav posts, I just had to voice out, with the hope that it can change our way of thinking! First, this was my comment on that post:  




""Hmm, when the topic of depression was discussed, I read comments, nodding my head in agreement because I believed we are coming to understand about it.

The poster,a first time mother reached out to bvs,and as usual,she is tongue-lashed,forgetting she might be depressed. She wears the shoes,so she knows where it hurts badly. And those who have walked the same path like her,knows also.

3 women! Living in the same house with all their attention on 1 man, who has to divide his attention amongst 3 of them! And we all know,his mother will be first, probably his sister or wife will be the 2nd or 3rd! Tell me, which wife will like to be at the bottom ladder?

Some say if it was her mother? And I ask these people, if she was your sister or daughter nko? If we want to play the sentiment game, we will all be going in circles! She carried him for 9 months and cared for him? Abeg, who suppose do am? Me or you? Abi her own mama no carry am for the same months and suffer labour pain? So make wahala kill am because she marry person son? Did she not go through the same process of childbearing now? Please we should stop all these emotional blackmail. His mother had enjoyed her own husband and matrimonial home, so let this nursing mother enjoy hers too!The way a wife handles issues with her mother or siblings is different with in-laws. I can 'cough' in front of my mama, she will see nothing in it. If I do same in front of my in-laws,meanings will be read into it!

Why not put both in the same room than separate rooms? While the wife and baby stays in one room. Haba! She is sleeping in the parlour, with her baby when she needs all the comfort and rest she can get! It's not fair!Abeg!Make we dey try talk true small small!

Poster, it has happened. No point crying over spilled milk. EKpele. Doh! It is time to carry your cross. Stand up! Tie your wrapper tight. Leave pickin with mama, go search for job, since, she will stay for 5 years,and your child won't start school until 4-5 years. Don't bother to talk to your husband, he will tell his sister, and they will gang up against you.Simply be gloomy around him, stay in your room most times. Stroll out with your baby to the park or go window shopping. The trick is, find any excuse to be getting out of the house leaving baby with your mil. Before you know 5 years don come and your sil fit don marry. Oya, go market, buy the cloth that is called 'patience' and wear it. Best of luck.""


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