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Friday, May 26, 2017

MAMA na MAMA!

Mother's day was celebrated on May 14th in yankee, and Children's day will be celebrated tomorrow in 9ja. As usual, beautiful words were said about mothers by their children, so who happens to be the evil mothers we read and hear about huh? My reply is in the scripture that said; 'even the evil ones knows how to do good to their own children!'{Matthew 7:11}. Well, that is not what I really want to talk about today. 

My cousin asked something from his father, when it was not given, he got angry and said; 'Why did you give birth to me when you knew you could not take care of me?' His father replied; 'Did you not see I was a poor man before you decided to come?' We all laughed ...  that was years ago. So I thought, if children were able to look down from heaven and see into the family they would be born into ... hmmm ... some might not have children, while many would have in abundance! But they have no choice in the matter. They go where ever our creator sends them to. Remember, we are just caretakers, because children are a blessing and heritage from GOD.{Psalm 127:3} (PLEASE no offense towards women seeking for the fruit of the womb. It is elaborate the point I am driving at. Thank you.)

Nigerians are fond of telling their children, 'I carried you in my belly for 9 months!' I laboured for you! Most times, I go SHHHHHHH! If they didn't come, won't you be the one running from pillar to post searching for them? They did us a great favour by coming into this wicked world sef! So, Nigerian mothers should stop holding their children to ransom jor! They are the ones to be more celebrated for given women the privilege to be called mothers and men,fathers!
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SO! It hurts me really bad to see children harmed by their own parents or step parents or guardians or relatives! It is because of children many wives stay put in their marriages; they want to protect and provide for them. It is our duty as mothers to always put our children first. Hence, I am usually surprised when I hear stories of women who love their husbands more than their children or put their own needs first before their children. 

The honest bitter truth is that, no woman can love another woman's child more than hers! Yes! She can love and care for that child but will not make certain sacrifices for him or her if push comes to shove, as she will do for her own child without a 2nd thought! WHY? For the simple reason that, a child will always go back to his or her biological mother as long as she is alive! That is when, you will hear Nigerians say; 'Mama, na Mama! 

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY! 

Monday, May 15, 2017

NIGHT JOBS.

NO! NO! NO! I have not stopped blogging as few might be thinking. I have so much on my plate; I have a guest from Nigeria, being with us for a month now and I am trying to settle into my new job, so my routine completely changed. I seldom visit blogs because, I am stressed out! This much my doctor said after I went for my wellness check up few weeks back. If I have my way, I will work days, but I cannot afford daycare for my 3 year old.

I observed that, the people that mostly work nights are students, grannies who helps out baby sitting their grandchildren during the day, mothers whose kids are young, those who have a 2nd day job, and young adults whose parents works daytime. I also observed that getting overnight employees is not easy, companies are ever ready to employ them, especially when one is ready to work on Sundays and public holidays. 


I have said it before here that overnight jobs do affect families! Bedroom activities reduces drastically. Housekeeping will be less. All hands will be on deck to keep the ship sailing! The 2 days off is not enough! 3 days, is better! This is because, on my first day off, my body has it's mind of it's own, I sleep all day, it needs to re-boot. On my 2nd day off, I drag myself to do chores and cooking, it will be on the 3rd day, my mind and body merges together, to relax, but I have to resume that night! 
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Listen, some might be wondering, what's the biggie? Afterall, many do 2 -3 jobs! And I will ask; What kind of jobs? The days / hours?  Are they males or females? Are they married or single? Do they have children or not? How many kids and how old? And are they on any pain killer medication? It is no news that many are using hard substance, that is why, drug screening is not toyed with before employment! In my former place of work, there was a notice pleading with any employee who was on drugs to see the HR for counselling! Do you blame some of them? When some employers wants you to have the combined powers of Flash and superman!  There is no black and white, but many gray areas. A manager once said, there is a life outside the job! I am an introvert, and seldom socialize, now it is worst! My kids and hubby are the ones that attends family functions, because, I will be sleeping.  I will not advise a young single female or male to do night jobs, it will affect their dating, unless both are working nights and on the same day off, like a co-worker and his wife in my former place of work.

Thanks for reading ... nope, I am not going back to sleep, rather taking my kid to his choir school concert. #YAWNS# See y'all later.

Friday, April 28, 2017

HOLA!

It's being a busy week! I have been on training in a different location, and I have a guest from Nigeria. So! What has been happening on all social platforms? Because of many fake stories/news, we don't know when someone is telling the truth anymore! But things are really happening! For the fact that, it does not happen to us or someone we know, it does not mean, it cannot happen ... so we should have an open mind and pick the core in the story.

Wedding party, the lastest Nollywood movie is now in Netflix, with the Disney movie, Queen of Katwe! What an inspirational true story! I wept at the end of that movie. I am listening to Shola Adeoye, live in FB, as I type, how many of you watch him? My hubby introduced his page to me ... I like his boldness and bluntness! His true stories from people leaves me speechless!  

Things I hear some Nigerian diasporas do, will make you wonder, whyyy? Like a couple whose annual income is over a million dollars, were on welfare! Depriving the needy! They were investigated for 2 years before confronted. Or is it when a host found out his son's SSN got missing after a guest stayed with him for a month? The identity thief used it to start a job in a different state. When the host's son wanted to start his first job as a teenager during summer, which happened to be a branch of the same company the identify thief was working, that was when the theft was uncovered! The company data base, said, he was already working in the company!

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Abi, is it a lady, who lied against her elder sister to their siblings in Nigeria because she didn't want to be sending money to them? When the siblings also relocated to yankee, they had grudge against their elder sister, until, the scales fell from their eyes, and they saw she was innocent, now, they dislike that other sibling! Another lady hosted a friend who relocated, on the agreement that, she will start paying bills after 2 months of getting a job. Time reached, oya, come and pay, story enter! The friend moved in with her new boyfriend instead! We siddon dey look! No be this yankee? When the guy use her wella, even take her money ontop, in the name of borrowing, her eyes go clear! Just to pay about $300 monthly come be problem because she wants to do big-woman for 9ja and save? So the host no get her own brukata abi? 

Ok guys, daz all for now! make I go sleep small. 
Wishing all Nigerians a restful workers' day on May 1st. I did not say happy because the recession is biting really hard! Salaries are not being paid or slashed! 
Happy new month in advance!😁

Monday, April 17, 2017

HEY! JUST FORGET ABOUT IT!

Hubby was watching a Yoruba movie when I walked into the sitting room. I asked about the storyline. He said, it was about a man in Nigeria who begged his best friend from abroad to marry his wife, because they were poor. 'Hmm, they will fall in love and she will leave her husband in Nigeria'. I said. 'You have watched it before? 'Nope!' I replied, and went back to what I was doing. After he finished watching it, he came to the bedroom, and asked, 'how did I know?' I shrugged and said, that was obvious, and we began to gist about relationships.

I know, I can be too candid for my own good, but the blunt truth is that, when it comes to relationship between men and women, it cannot be predicted! Anything, can happen, especially behind closed doors! See beauty and the beast! (some memes claim it is Stockholm syndrome that happened to beauty 😀) Some people will come to make noise on social platforms or boast to their friends when gisting, but in privacy, they will either kneel down or prostrate on the floor to beg or ask or talk to their spouses. Forget many of the comments and posts you read on social platforms o! Even if, you live in the same house with the couple, do you sleep with them? 

Abroad can be a lonely place for an adult without family or companion, especially during the winter season. A Nigerian man married an American lady who participates in everything we do. She helps with cleaning and serving guests that the men were impressed,and praised her for wanting to be like a Nigerian woman while the Nigerian women are trying hard to be like the American women. She laughed and said, 'they are still young {she is in her late 40's, her kids have graduated from college), by the time they get to my age and phase, they will seek for a companion, because loneliness is not good'. This is why a family friend who is a divorcee ( her first husband tricked her to get his papers) is about to marry a divorced man from Nigeria in few weeks time. We are seeing red flags,but, she is ready to take the risk, (at least for the next 6 years she won't be alone and who knows, he won't leave her), because she is so depressed! The documented Nigerian men in yankee just want to 'chop and clean mouth', and they don't want 'after 2' as a wife! And, she does not want to be used as a 'ladder' again by them! 

I remember a family friend who was being asked out by her boss who will also know! We advised her to resign because she was the 'good girl' who kept herself for a very long time and had only one relationship. Her boss was able to 'box' her into a corner and she fell yakata like a pack of cards! He sent his wife out, and married her! As my country pipo talk, 'cane used to flog the first wife, na for ceiling dem hang am!' He showed his true colours after she dropped one, that she had no choice than to move out!  He divorced her and went back to his first wife! We never saw it coming! That he would even leave his first wife because he caught her young in the church! He was her first and only man! And he was a strong believer in the word, active in the church and held a position in the church! NOPE! He was not jazzed! He simply wanted a male child and our family friend gave birth to a girl!

This is the reason, we don't understand why some people are in a relationship or marriage, with all the drama involved! It could be because of loneliness, sex, money, apart from societal and religious expectations. So my guys, make we start to dey mind our beewax, and stop being 'tappers!'

P.s, Hmm, my pipo say, since, the bird has learnt to fly without perching, the hunter has also learnt to shoot without aiming! Spammers are really doing something to blogs o! I had notification for 23 comments to be moderated, only to login,...spams! I also get spams from other blogs I comment in, that I don't click the follow up comments again. Hence, I removed the comment section in my blog, since it is only 0-3 comments in a post. IF you have anything to say to me, my email is by the right column. Thanks for your understanding. 

Sunday, April 09, 2017

ELECTRICITY BILL!

I have talked about the bills we pay in yankee, how it really affects the pocket if not well managed. Some might be thinking, how is it different from what we pay in 9ja? My guys, it is different o! In 9ja, I remember paying about #1,500.00 for electricity, so we did not feel the pinch, it was buying of fuel for generator that we felt the punch!
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In March, as hubby was paying the bills, he called me and said, our electricity bill had increased for the past 3 months by 90% ! EHEN! That is 4 much o! I exclaimed! 'Please, check around the house to see what we are using that is consuming so much'.This was because, when he checked the average electricity bill in the same area, ours was too high! He checked the days we used electricity most, it was weekends. He later asked his friends what they pay, it was lesser than ours! 

I googled the peak periods of electricity usage, the best time to do laundry and how to reduce the cost of electricity in homes. In December, the Christmas light was on outside until January. I don't use the dishwasher, the heater was on 24/7 during winter, I seldom use the oven, I cook stew, soup and do the laundry on weekends. So, what could have triggered off our bill to such amount? I walked into the garage ... could it be the deep freezer I moved from the kitchen to the garage in November, and connected to the main outlet? I remembered in my former apartment, the janitor told me it consumes a lot of electricity and advised me to be switching it off for some hours to save on my electricity bill. 

So, I un-plugged the freezer, moved it back to the kitchen. My daughter then told me the washing machine was using hot water. Then I remembered! In January, the washing machine had a little problem, which I fixed and turned the hot water valve on! So, I turned it off. I changed the days of doing laundry;The boys on Fridays, girls on Sundays, and ours on Mondays. Before, the kids do ALL, on Saturday, from dawn to dusk! I monitored the minutes my kids leave the dryer on ... many times they turn the knob to 80 minutes! I told them to switch off the air vents in the bathrooms after a short while (no windows) than leaving it on for hours, and put off any of the Tv they were not watching at the moment, and switched off fans when it becomes cool. I unplugged laptops, chargers and microwave when not in use. I now prepare my large pot of stew and soup on weekdays. 

YAY! Our effort paid off! This morning, hubby paid much lesser! The 90% difference can buy 2 weeks groceries! This is one of the realities of living in yankee o! By the time we add water, sewage, disposal, internet, mobile devices, rent, insurance, credit cards, and  asundry ... yeah, your guess is as good as mine! Wetin come remain for salary abi? Like I have said before, the higher you earn ... complete it o jare. You see why most people credits are messed up or are in pile of debts? Anyone that tries to play 'ten-ten' or 'pakolo' or 'suwe'  with their bills have their services terminated after a letter of notice ... no 'abeg oga', as we do in 9ja!

Some people with similar house, family size and devices, pay half of what we just paid. This is because during day, nobody is at home until in the evening when they return from school and work. Unlike mine, I work at night, and I am home during the day with my baby, until my other kids return from school and hubby from work. I am using the laptop now and the TV is on. I have used the electric jug, microwave, electric stove (It is not called cooker o, it is called stove here,whether be it  gas, kerosene or electric, all na stove!), and I just finished my laundry which I started yesterday night. You see why diasporas can't accommodate guests for too long unless they contribute towards the housekeeping?

It is all about trying to put one's head above waters. I heard a story about a host, when going to work, he would tell his guest to go sight-seeing around the city because he could not afford leaving him alone in his apartment, so as not to increase his utility bills!  ADIOS!

p.s ;Written April 3rd.

Sunday, April 02, 2017

IF SHE IS YOUR MOTHER NKO?

I believe wives in Nigeria have heard this question many times; 'If it is your mother nko?' I had another topic lined up for today, but after visiting my favourite entertainment blog; and reading one of my fav posts, I just had to voice out, with the hope that it can change our way of thinking! First, this was my comment on that post:  




""Hmm, when the topic of depression was discussed, I read comments, nodding my head in agreement because I believed we are coming to understand about it.

The poster,a first time mother reached out to bvs,and as usual,she is tongue-lashed,forgetting she might be depressed. She wears the shoes,so she knows where it hurts badly. And those who have walked the same path like her,knows also.

3 women! Living in the same house with all their attention on 1 man, who has to divide his attention amongst 3 of them! And we all know,his mother will be first, probably his sister or wife will be the 2nd or 3rd! Tell me, which wife will like to be at the bottom ladder?

Some say if it was her mother? And I ask these people, if she was your sister or daughter nko? If we want to play the sentiment game, we will all be going in circles! She carried him for 9 months and cared for him? Abeg, who suppose do am? Me or you? Abi her own mama no carry am for the same months and suffer labour pain? So make wahala kill am because she marry person son? Did she not go through the same process of childbearing now? Please we should stop all these emotional blackmail. His mother had enjoyed her own husband and matrimonial home, so let this nursing mother enjoy hers too!The way a wife handles issues with her mother or siblings is different with in-laws. I can 'cough' in front of my mama, she will see nothing in it. If I do same in front of my in-laws,meanings will be read into it!

Why not put both in the same room than separate rooms? While the wife and baby stays in one room. Haba! She is sleeping in the parlour, with her baby when she needs all the comfort and rest she can get! It's not fair!Abeg!Make we dey try talk true small small!

Poster, it has happened. No point crying over spilled milk. EKpele. Doh! It is time to carry your cross. Stand up! Tie your wrapper tight. Leave pickin with mama, go search for job, since, she will stay for 5 years,and your child won't start school until 4-5 years. Don't bother to talk to your husband, he will tell his sister, and they will gang up against you.Simply be gloomy around him, stay in your room most times. Stroll out with your baby to the park or go window shopping. The trick is, find any excuse to be getting out of the house leaving baby with your mil. Before you know 5 years don come and your sil fit don marry. Oya, go market, buy the cloth that is called 'patience' and wear it. Best of luck.""


Monday, March 27, 2017

PUSSY CAT, PUSSY CAT, WHERE ARE YOU?

Hello everyone! I have now put comment approval because of the number of spams flooding my posts ... one of the old posts had 150 spam comments! I got tired of deleting. Thanks for your understanding. 

I opened my window one early morning last week and I saw a black cat sitting on the fence ... I smiled and said 'HEL-LOO! As I walked away, I was grinning widely 😀 and thinking, 'is it me, Nitty, that just greeted a cat, without putting on my 'Armour', brandishing my 'Sword' and invoking fire and brimstone on it, especially a black one? Wetin yankee don do to me ooo? CHAI! If it were in 9ja, that cat is as good as gone! It would have been pelted with stone or stick or water! 

I don't like cats. In Nigeria, many believe, including me, that it is a medium for evil. Movies, confessions and testimonies of people, made me more wary of them! SO! I was surprised one day, as I walked towards my car, I saw a black cat beside it! EHEN! 'WHO SENT YOU?' TELL THEM SAY, YOU NO SEE ME O! I shouted at it! I was praying as I was driving. SO! To my surprise, many weeks later, I was at the backyard playing with my boys, when this same black cat came over and went directly to one of my sons who was sitting on the grass, and he was cuddling and rubbing it's body, and the cat was loving it. 'STOP IT!' GET UP!' I screamed! But I no gree near the cat sha!






'It's okay mummy, it's Elijah's cat', my son replied. As if on a cue, this cat came to my feet and rubbed itself against me ... ME-HN ... if you see the way, I stood still eh-en. 'Pet it mummy', my son said, laughing when he saw my reaction. Pet wetin? WHOSAI! I moved away, this cat still followed me as if it was on a mission oo. Is it by force? SHOOIR, I no want! FOR WHERE? It came to lie down by my feet, where I sat on the children's slide. 'Touch it mummy, touch it'. My son cajoled me ... reluctantly with shaking hands I touched its fur, oh my goodnessss, it was so softttt, it came closer, I stroked it few times and was giggling with excitement 😄... it came out unexpectedly o. Hmm, trust kids now ... next thing I heard; 'Mum, can I have a cat as a pet?' 'NO WAY!' I exclaimed! E neva reach that level abeg!



Few weeks later, Elijah, came under the pouring rain to tell us it had given birth to a litter of kittens. HA! Na so, my boys go greet the new mama o, when the rain came to a drizzle. I was wondering, if I should buy gift sef? 😃 One of the kittens is white in colour, it comes out to play anytime it sees my kids coming in or going out. Last week, It heard my voice from the window,and it came towards me, I was talking to it through the window, I knew it wanted to be petted, but I couldn't, instead, I took a picture of it. Yesterday, my brother-in-law and his family came to visit, when all the kids were playing at the backyard, the white cat came out to join them. The same thoughts I had earlier about cats in Nigeria, that was what they were discussing, saying, this cat was lucky it was not in 9ja ... so my guys, that was how, I got over my phobia for cats o!

I wonder if some of you have cat-phobia as I did?
Have a fulfilled week ahead.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

WHY WIVES FIGHT MISTRESSES?

Many times, wives are asked; 'Why fight your husband's mistress, why not your husband? 'Did she asked your husband to have an affair with her?' Whenever I come across such comments from women, I am wrought to ask ; 'Why do husbands fight their wife's' lover when caught huh? IMO, they are tress-passers, and we know tress-passers are never welcomed! And who say wives don't deal with their way-ward husbands huh? You don't live with them, do you? Straying wives are sent packing, but way-ward husbands are forgiven, because, whether we like to admit it or not ... it's the man's world, since they are the ones that marry women, and can marry many wives as they want, according to our culture and their religion! 



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The adulterous men say they are in it for the sex, while the mistresses say, it is for the money. BUT! These mistresses soon fall in love with the men because of the way they spend on them and their 'maturity' at handling situations! BUT! Many of these wicked men deprive their family needs to take care of their mistresses, also leaving their nasty personality at home, while showing their awesomeness to their mistresses who are no longer content with being the 2nd fiddle! THEY WANT IT ALL! So, they begin to scheme on how to overthrow the lady of the manor! Some go fetish, some use sexual prowess and some  food, to tie the man down, after finding the weakness of the wives from the diarrhea infected mouths of their lovers! When wives complain, people will say; No husband can be stolen unless he wants to be taken, in the first place! And you know what? They are kind of right! Simply because these men will tell their mistresses that they were forced to marry their wives, or are not in love with their wives or their wives are old or ugly or dirty or don't know how to f***! 

There is always the fly on the wall, that goes buzzing to the wives! Or the wives develop detective skills overnight, and find out things by herself. If many wives show you some of the things these mistresses write to their way-ward married lovers, you will be ashamed on their behalf! I read one, where the mistress was begging her lover to divorce his wife, that she loves him so much and she was ready to take care of his children! What of a mistress swearing brimstone and fire on her married lover when she found out he slept with another girl? I also saw the naked picture of a lady sitting on a chair with her legs wide apart showing what her mama gave to her! I heard she got married about 2 years ago, and still asks her ex-married lover for money! And yes, we do have a good laugh!

We have heard many stories of way-ward husbands coming back to their senses after years of neglecting or abandoning their families for their mistresses, and people still ask , 'Why fight the mistresses?  For the simple reason that;  after wives have turned to prayer warrior, a fashion-guru, a chef,and become an acrobatic in the bedroom, for their husbands to be faithful to them, the mistresses don't want to let go, because of the MONEY! And you expect wives to fold hands akimbo and be looking abi? WHOSAI! Some crazy wives will go spiritual or physical on them! Werey, pass werey!


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The summary of it all is that ... it hurts and it is a reflex action to lash out at anything or anybody causing that hurt! In fairness to all mistresses, some way-ward married men, lie about their marital status. Many Nigerian men no longer wear their wedding rings, or takes it off when going 'hunting'. Many are good at keeping it from any web-search, and when the ladies find out, it will be too late because they are already deep into the relationship to let go! Shame on such irresponsible husbands! And some ladies no send sef, if a man is married or not! Wetin concern agbero with overload?! Money for hand, back for ground! 


What behooves me is the way, single and married ladies who are/were in adulterous relationships in the past or present boast about it and laughs at karma as a piece of mythical bull s***! And they ask, 'why karma don't visit adulterous men?' And I always reply; Who told you, it does not?


Friday, March 10, 2017

I AM A SAINT!

HEAR! HEAR! HEAR!

I am now a saint!

SHIOR! How come?

Yes oo, I am now a MRS! 

E-HEN! Tell me something!

I will oo, ko easy rara! {it's not easy}.

SO! What happened to the days of 'frolicking; with married men?

Oh! Please! Those are yester-years, now I am a new being!

I see! Just like that? Because you now have a ring?

Abeg! Let me hear word! You better pass me? Abi you married as a virgin?

At least I did not share it with a married man!

Sin is sin jor! Who thief, who kill, all na the same thing!

 Not so oo, karma will come visiting you!

I hear! It is only women address karma know abi? Men nko?#yimu#

It's the man's world, they make the rules!

If karma will visit me, it means I was the other woman's karma!

It does not work like that, many women don't have fish brains!

You are now abusing me? Is it your body? Who made you a judge?#hiss#

No, oo. Just saying that, for a single lady to give her virginity to a married man and have several abortions for him, she has cotton wool for a brain! 

LISTEN! If you know, you don't have anything good to say or congratulate me on my new acquired status, kindly keep that mouth of yours shut!

HA! It is you that is cussing me now o. If you know your conscience is clear, why go on the defensive? All I know is that when your own husband starts being a generous donor to other ladies, don't  grind your teeth out of anger or send sob stories to social platforms, simply take it in your stride.

Please, just carry your self-righteousness out of my sight! It takes 2 to tango!

Who told you the married men don't get burnt by their actions? Don't women pass another man's child to them? Don't they eat food cooked with menstrual blood for them? Don't their own wives cheat on them? Don't they drink water used for washing the vagina first thing in the morning? Don't they stop progressing in their business and career? Don't they become lonely and neglected by their children and wives at old age? Just that every married woman's worst nightmare is the 'other woman', because we know what our fellow specie can do to lasso a man down if he is loaded in his pockets and below the belt.

Hissss, all these epistle for what nau? Karma no dey look face? Virgins that have way-ward husbands nko? Do they deserve it?

Is cheating only physical? Emotional cheating nko?  Collecting money from a married man meant for his children's school fees or family feeding is equally wrong! As you said, karma no dey look face? Mistresses no dey fear face? Witch pass witch o!

Abeg, abeg, Ms sanctimonious, carry your wahala dey go. I serve a merciful God. Afterall the thieves on the cross still made heaven at the last hour! Make I go meet my circle of saints o jare!

SMH! Will women ever learn? They are always left with the towel hanging!  SIGH!

Saturday, March 04, 2017

NETFLIX

A comedian once made a joke about the people who rate movies in Netflix; He cannot imagine someone that can only afford $8.99 a month, rating movies, 2 stars? 3 stars? Well, it was a show organised by Netflix, so it made a good laugh. But it is from jokes your friends will tell you, who you are or what they think about you. I like and enjoy Netflix a lot, because of no advertisements, and their movies are well picked. I usually select comedies and foreign movies, it is there I understood the jibe the comedian made ... foreign movies get 2-3 stars especially Africa movies!


source. 2 THUMBS UP


I applaud Netflix for adding Nigeria films amongst their selection. The first time I saw it, I was so excited and watched all, and  always searched for 'recently added' movies, and I found one today, which I am watching right now ; ' Onye Ozi' ... Okey Bakassi is not disappointing me at all. My first time watching an Igbo movie, the only little comma I have is that, the white actors should have spoken English, the Igbo no flow at all 😃. It is said, we should give honour to whom it is due and when it is due, so I won't hesitate to hail Nollywood for improving because I am not a big fan of our movies. But, after watching the likes of Irapada, Figurine, Mr&Mrs, October Ist and The wedding party recently in You tube, ( the food scene was hilarious but knowing how Nigerian wedding parties are, especially for  the rich, the amala , gbegiri and ewedu with assorted meat looked 'poor 😄 ), I salute our producers and wish Netflix will be adding more of these well scripted movies. I grew up as a Bollywood fan, but as I became older, I got tired of the 21/2 hours long movies ... the songs and the new 'modern-whats-not', I liked the traditionally setting more.


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I am happy that some Nolly wood movies don't have several parts again! And no long boring dialogues and exaggerated scenes! The movie has ended ...rated it 4 . BTW, What does Onye Ozi means sef? That is how I watch Indian movies without knowing the meaning of the titles! 😄 Ok, guys, see you later...going back to bed, leaving for work in the next few hours. Talking of work, a co-worker jokingly said, all normal people ought to be asleep by 3.00am! AHAHAHA.

Have a fulfilled week ahead.

Saturday, February 25, 2017

A SHOULDER TO LEAN ON.

Hubby was telling me last week how a colleague of his showed so much appreciation for the advice he gave to him. This colleague always complained of severe abdominal pain, which he said, has been going on for a long time, and he had visited the hospital, nothing was found after scan and test carried out. The last option was to insert a microscopic camera through his esophagus into his stomach to know what ails him. It was the cost of it that made him refused because his insurance said they won't pay!


'It might be appendicitis'  My hubby said, which another co-worker agreed. He went ahead to tell him about my cousin, blackky, who experienced similar thing, and the hospital continued treating her for typhoid and malaria. My mum had to rush her to a clinic close to our house when she was in excruciating pain.The doctor said, she needed to be operated on immediately because it was appendicitis! If you see how ripe this thing was ehen?! Thank GOD for using that doctor o! It would have raptured on her way back to school! Wetin my mum for talk? Her late sister's only daughter? GOD be praised! The colleague was reluctant because, he believed the experienced doctors he visited could not go wrong. But my hubby and the other co-worker, persuaded him to see a different doctor and suggest that it might be appendicitis.


He did not come to work for some days, only for him to resume last week, and told hubby, he was right. He was operated on immediately, that it remained a little for it to rapture! He would have been 'past' now, if he had delayed! And he said, that is why it is good to share your problem, because you don't really know who has the right solution to give. It was this same way, a Nigerian man knew he had sleep apnea.


He is right, but not in 9ja sha! Share your problem ke? Make dem use am cuss you later abi? NO WAY O! Me, myself and I  will be the only ones to know! This 'I-don't-want-people-to-know-my-problem-mentality, is so ingrained in us, that, even our leaders don't share any important personal info with us, unless forced to, and they give us half story! Regardless they are 'servants' of the masses, dem no send! Abi, make the 'witch' that caused it in the first place begin to gloat and finish what 'they' started? LAI LAI O!
source


Please don't blame us oo, because many will start using the problem as a yard stick to measure theirs and make comments like; 'Ha! Thank God ooo, my own is even better than this person sef!' Tell me, you think the person will be happy to hear that? Making he/she to feel bad? Many times, when I read some comments in blogs concerning certain issue, I just sigh! Females are the worst at doing this! Hence, many women bottle up their problem and fall into depression! Even in blogsville, many bloggers keep very important info from the ears of the public, regardless being anonymous or not. There is no human being on earth that does not go through a certain phase in their lives that will try their endurance and faith! When there is a shoulder to lean on, it helps to make the 'load' easier to carry until one throws it on the ground with a resounding thud!


I am a sharer. Many of you reading my blog for a long time knows I wear my heart on my sleeves which has helped me to handle difficult situations, and makes me feel better which is good for my well-being. Many people have developed high blood pressure because of the fear of sharing. The truth my people is that, sometimes you cannot do it alone...you need help....  no man is an Island.The thumb of the rule is that, don't share what you know will hurt you so bad or cause colossal damage, when it gets 'outside'. Simply apply wisdom.  Issues concerning health, faith, finances and relationships can be shared, because absolutely nothing is new under the sun! Also, don't commonize or look down on anybody ...  some people have vast wealth of knowledge because life has thrown 'lemons' at them, that they have learned to make 'lemonade' out of it. 

Peace out!



Sunday, February 19, 2017

GENDER EQUALITY IN NIGERIA.

I wanted the dust raised by the gender equality argument in Nigeria to calm down before I throw in my own 2 cents into the coffers. It has been argued that the bill is not about physical and biological equality, rather socio-eco-political. OK! We then agree that men are stronger, because we want them to change the car tires, open that jar of prickles, lift heavy items,  and go to wars right? Just as we know they have no business in getting pregnant and having PMS, yes? What we want is equal wages for the same jobs, to be governors/presidents, and to able to take major decisions without their consents, abi?

Then why do we tell them; 'Be a man!' Or 'You are a man, or walk like a man? Because we have high expectation from them! I have not talked about money yet ... many women are breadwinners in their household, and some earn far more than men, but deep down, they want the men to bore the major expenses in the home,or during dates. while they chip in. Valentine day celebration just passed, and women were expecting more from their husbands and boyfriends than what they were giving! I said it in an old blogsville interview when asked if there is equality between male and female? I replied NO.The insults that followed ehen? And I still stand on it!

Equality in a layman's understanding is 50-50 of ANYTHING and EVERYTHING! Our fore bearers fought for RIGHT TO WORK! RIGHT TO VOTE! And are still fighting for THE RIGHT TO HAVE SAME WAGES FOR THE SAME JOB DESCRIPTION! I am emphasizing on the word RIGHT, which is different from EQUAL! 'What is your point?' You might all ask? Simple! They picked their battles! 

Again, I ask, What are Nigerian women fighting for? In summary,they are fighting against inhuman or degrading treatment of women! Who does not like to be treated with respect huh? IF WE WOMEN DON'T RESPECT OURSELVES! THEN HOW DO YOU WANT THE MEN FOLK TO RESPECT US? 
Is it the nude pictures?
is it calling each other 'ho'?
Is it passing another man's child to another?
Is it betraying a friend's/sister's trust by sleeping with their husbands/boyfriends?
Is it fighting in public over a man?
Is it using 'bottom power' to get all juicy jobs/contracts/pass exams?
LADIES! RESPECT IS EARNED!IT IS EARNED! And the men have earned it in many ways! I can imagine, how the men might have laughed reading some of the issues raised in the bill,because they know, what our gender is capable of at the right price!

I know some might say, I am derailing off the track, that this is not what the bill was actually talking about! Really? You cannot address one and leave the other! NO MA! All are interlinked! OKAY! If not that, amongst we women, there is discrimination! Is it in the office? Or blogs? or Meetings? We shame the uneducated woman! We shame women that don't have economy power! We body-shame other women! 

Do you know the battles we should pick,that will get global attention? 
FEMALE GENITAL MUTILATION!
MEN NOT PAYING REASONABLE CHILD SUPPORT AND ALIMONY,
IN-LAWS TAKING PROPERTIES FROM WIDOWS!

I did not put up early marriage up there, because if a man approaches a family and say, I want to marry your 12 year old daughter , and they say NO, will he force them? They need enlightenment instead. I did not mention numerous wives because, it is fellow woman like you and I, that will gladly be a 2nd/3rd/4th/5th wife regardless of religious/cultural practice, because of greed and fame! I did not mention the slap-on-the-wrist-punishment given to adulterous married men because married women are also up in their neck in the act! I did not mention helping out with chores, because it depends on ones home training.

So, women, let us simply pick our battles one by one and gradually,we will get what we want...RESPECT and RECOGNITION for our important roles in the society.
Thank you and have a blessed week ahead.

Sunday, February 12, 2017

LOVE IS IN THE AIR!

Flowers are beautifully displayed in shopping outlets. This always happens in valentine and mother's day celebrations. And of course, there are the big teddy bears, chocolates, cards and strawberries coated with chocolates. Love is in the air! And women continue to complain, they are not appreciated? COME ON! Wait until you see father's day display!😃

A Nigerian elderly man once said, his daughter must marry a Nigerian in this obodo oyibo, because he does not want her to forget her root and the thought of letting her go with a 'stranger' to a different state or country he might not visit often, was scary.This was a hot discussion or should I say debate like 2 years ago, and I was with the school of tort that said; 'where ever she finds love and happiness, let her go', afterall, he brought another man's daughter to a foreign land! And technology is there to help him keep in touch with her. I understood his fear as a parent, but as a woman, I know we want to be with the man that makes our heart go ji-gi-di-ji-gi-di like Nigeria locomotive.😆

Anyways,last month, I heard that the man started singing a different tune when he attended a wedding where a Nigerian lady married a white guy, who happens to be divorced. Trust Nigerians nau, it became a topic for gisting, abi, gossiping, anything una like, call am ... infact, we should be holding talk shows! Why? He saw many Nigerian single ladies at the reception, wishing, they have husbands regardless of the race, and when some shared their experiences with Nigerian guys, they vowed not to have anything with them again, and are ready to marry oyibo or latino! It was then he knew how far!

I have been observing the dating scene here and come to understand why parents allow their children date early as when they are in high school. Watching hollywood movies in Nigeria then, I wondered why parents will allow their children go out on a date? This is because, the thunderous slap or severe beating Nigerian parents will give their daughter if a boy has the audacity to come to their house to ask to see her, is better imagined than experienced, 'you don spoil!' Will be the insult hauled at her! That is why teenagers do corner-corner love, until they are very old enough, which can be in their 20's if not 30's sef, to tell their parents they have a boyfriend. Some parents don't want to know , but expects you to bring in a man to show them, when they start asking, 'where is ya husband?' As if, you will just wave a magic wand ,... abra-ca-dabra, husband materializes! Same parents that were playing the ostrich before o!  Our 9ja parents! I throw-way q-bey hands for una oo!

It can be very cold and lonely, I tell you! Especially for people not with their families. The mind-your-business-attitude, and 'I-don;t-want-litigation-issues-later' don't allow socialization. It is in schools, work places and religious gatherings that people meet and interact ... sometimes ... and it ends as they walk out of the doors. Most people drive rather than walk, public transport is not common in some states, like, where I stay in Texas, it is in down-town you will see public transportation, only Uber operates in the city I live. Some don't like riding buses because they miss the time schedules, and waiting in the cold during winter and under the blazing sun during summer, is something-else! So, how will people meet? No wonder bars and clubs are the places you will see many people in the evenings.

In Nigeria, 'good girls and boys' don't go clubbing!😏  You can be 'toasted' in the bus or while waiting at the bus stop. Your neighbour's son can be 'scooping' you when passing the front of their house. Or your gangster mother can 'set-you-up' with each other. Or your 'naughty' friend can match-mate you with her brother. The list is endless, because, we live in a communal system, unlike here. So, if 2 teenagers like themselves in high school, since they won't graduate until they are 17-18 years, parents allow them go to dates with a chaperone or after the no-sex talk,  because, many marry their high school sweet hearts, after their college degree or immediately self! My neighbour married at age 19, while her hubby was 20 ... 19 years later, they are still together with 4 kids.

I was amused when a girl said she has a crush on my son ... a very tall and pretty girl. I asked my son, he was shy to admit it first, but, after much cajoling, he opened up too ... I told him, I am cool with it ... they can be friends ... when they both go to university ... who knows?😁 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!💑

Monday, February 06, 2017

THE CHERRY-PICKING CHRISTIANS.

I do sometimes have a bible study with my children when we don't go to church. Last week, I talked about the 10 commandments, and as I read;'Thou shall keep the Sabbath day holy ....... I hesitated, because it brought back to my mind the question I had asked as a teenager then; If we all kept the Sabbath day holy, then who will be at the hospitals, police stations, fire stations, Electricity and water stations, and who will drive people to their various churches?

'Man was not created for Sabbath but Sabbath for man!' Jesus told the accusers of his disciples when they saw one of them 'working'.  Of course, I want to believe that we know that Sabbath was not originally on Sunday but Saturday right? And there is another perspective on what Jesus meant; we can decide whatever day we want our Sabbath to be ... Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday or Thursday or Friday! 

Why am I bringing this up? It is because I realized you and I have become 'cherry-picking-Christians'. We simply pick whatever scriptures that suits our lifestyles. But the scripture says, God'd word remains the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow! And, when we break one of the commandments, we are guilty of breaking the remaining 9! SO THERE!

I work on Sundays, likewise many essential services needed for human survival. But the scripture says ... not even our animals, or  slaves   should work on that day, we should rest, because GOD who created the universe rested on the 7th day after working for 6 days! 

So my brothers and sisters, before we start putting on our 'holy' garments because we don't wear jewelries, or wigs, or apply makeup, or tie  our hair 24/7, or don't have premarital sex, or never miss night vigil or whats-nots! WE ARE ALL SINNERS! YEP! You and I! So brethren let us pluck that our  a** down on a chair, and take a deep look into our souls and know that we are simply living by HIS GRACE and you ... yes YOU! (pointing) That will come and read this post and carry your nose up in the air like an 'aristocrat' and quickly walk out with your sanctimonious cloak flapping behind you, you need the word more! For HE said, I will show mercy on whom I choose to!

Shalom!

Wednesday, February 01, 2017

IN THIS NEW MONTH KE?!

I know it is too soon to write another post when the previous is just 2 days old, but I want to serve it hot and don't be putting my muse on hold again and lose her in the process. SO! Blackky my cousin called me yesterday;

Aunty o!

Yes!

You remember the former place una live before una travel comot chei?

SHIOR! Which kain question be that? Why I no go remember? Which year I comot sef? I even remember the first place where my parents lived when they moved to lagos sef! 

HA! HA!No vex! Your body too dey pepper you sha! 

Ahahaha, you no serious at all! Nah me you dey talk to like that? You know say, I for don twist that your mouth for you, suppose, you near me!

TAAA! I am a big girl now o!

Big wetin? E neva tey when I stopped changing your nappy sef!

AUNTYYY! HIAN!! E don do!

I hear! So whatsup?

Ehen-ehen, you know all those shop-containers inside and around the Estate?

Yes.

Them don they destroy all o! 

Say WETIN?

Yes oo!

I dey go badagry, when I see commotion every where as I pass mile 2. Then, I hear people dey talk say, govt wan come destroy containers na dey for near road, around the estate and inside sef. They don give them notice since, but they think say, ' na-as-usual', nothing go happen. Some come write petition when they know say water don pass garri...

Ehen-ehen?

...but dem no look their face! See wahala for everywhere o, I no fit take picture, I for send you.

NA WA! E mean say, my turkey customer cold room, the bakery and that popular evening supermarket will be affected ! OGA OOO! People's livelihood in this recession, gone just like that?

NA SO OO!

That was how houses,  hospitals, and schools were destroyed when they wanted to expand the road about 10 years ago, now this?

Na so we see am oo!

So, were will the traders go now, ehen?

Some go rent shop inside that rice market. Some, find where to put their load first.

SIGH!

We talked more, but I don't want to bore you guys. For those who don't understand all that jargon up there; My cousin was simply telling me that shops are being destroyed in the former Estate I lived before relocating, thereby making things more difficult for people.

I trust my country people, they will always overcome any hurdle on their lane! I am so concerned about my friend, whose shop was affected, after spending so much on renovation last year. I spoke to her yesterday after chatting with my cousin. It's well!

Sunday, January 29, 2017

THE MARKET WOMAN!

'STOP BEHAVING LIKE A MARKET WOMAN!' These words are usually used by Nigerians to cuss out people. I have not heard any Nigerian cuss out, with;'STOP BEHAVING LIKE A MARKET MAN! Why? It is because,men-traders are called business men! These words are used derogatorily because traders are loud, calling out to customers to patronize them, they quarrel with their neighbours if they tried to lure a customer away from them, and when offended they curse out using expletive words! And I wonder how this is different from what I read and see everyday in social media, amongst politicians, neighbours, friends and work places huh?

The Nigerian market woman is not respected ! But, many are mothers to graduates, millionaires, billionaires. celebrities,that  people wish to meet or marry! And some successful children are ashamed to mention their mothers sell/sold in the market! I see such children as ungrateful! Many have built successful business from scratch and are employers of labour! Many families today, are living off the legacy left behind by their mothers! An elderly woman in her 70's has a company that distributes goods, with graduates as accountant and sales reps! She said, she started selling under the bridge by 7up-Ijora (people living in Lagos will know there).

Nigeria markets are very busy and noisy because people from all walks of life visit there and you expect it to be without drama? WHOSAI! Even in boardrooms, quarrels do arise! Some clients or boss will download your life's history for you, if they are disappointed with your service or lost money in a business transaction! HUMPH! A friend said she visited her husband and he was in a meeting with his business partners, so she waited for him. She was surprised to see them shouting at each other, having a big quarrel, that she became worried, thinking the partnership was over! After a while, they came to an agreement and business continued as usual! How is that different from what we see daily in the market place? OH! Is it  because the market woman is not dressed spiffy and in a fancy building? I hear! With the flowing gutters, muddy ground, garbage strewn here and there, flies and rickety vehicles pumping out black smoke?  
source


Yes o! Even that tomatoes seller is someone's mother whose child can be a president tomorrow! INFACT! In this time of recession, the market woman is 'bae' now! She determines the price she wants to sell her goods, and you will buy by force by fire! You will be the one begging her to reduce price sef! She is the reason some homes can boast of a meal a day, because she sells on credit to them! She is a therapist to many women who feel comfortable unburdening themselves to a stranger who might not see them again for a while. They are more enlightened about the realities of life because they deal with all kinds of people and learn a thing or two from them.

The Nigerian market woman is a hardworking individual who against all odds strive to ensure her family don't go hungry and her children either learn a skill or get a university education to pave their own path in life. Hence, they should be accorded all respect because it is not easy all! 

My favourite market woman was the lady who sold soup ingredients. While grinding my ogbono/egusi or slicing vegetable, we would gist, together with other women waiting for their items. So tell, who is/was your favourite market woman and what do you talk about while waiting for your items? Infact, It was from a market woman I knew that 'the rich also cry!' (who remembered this old soap opera in the early 90's?😄)  Gracias! 




Monday, January 23, 2017

FAMILY IS BAE!

Hey! It's not too late to say HAPPY 2017! Right?  Who made new resolutions? I am not good at making and keeping any! I Simply make certain changes and try to be consistent. I took a long look in the mirror and decided that I will be a person of fewer words, but when I kept quiet people asked me if I was ok? Even my hubby gets worried when I don't reply back with a thousand words per seconds! AHAHA!

I observed that people talk more on topics that bothers them the most. For instance, Bollywood movies stress more on love-marriage because arranged marriage is part of their culture. Nolly-wood portrays our fetish side because voodoo is one of Nigeria problems! Holly-wood emphasis on family-bonding, because it is lacking here! While, I write more about entitlement mentality and our traditions, because it pisses me off!

I worked on Christmas, boxing day, new year eve, new year,and my birthday. I have to find a hidden spot to say my new year prayer whilst my husband and kids did theirs at home (first time in our family). Most times, work comes first, and the family bears the brunt. Remember, I told you guys how I asked for a night off to prepare my kids for their new day at school and my request was declined twice? I insisted, and, it was approved reluctantly! I was surprised, because I believed family came first!  A co-worker had to resign 3 weeks ago, when she could not cope leaving her children alone at night with her sibling. Her husband works in a different city. Before she started having kids, she did 3 jobs, now, she cannot cope with 1 because her family comes first!

I requested for 5 days off (it was quickly approved oo, so I can go with my wahala ... ahahha) to have quality time with my family ... only to fall sick! It was yesterday, I felt much better and went to church for the first time this year. It was refreshing; 30mins for worship, 1 hour for sermon, and back home by 12 pm! No paparazzi or whats-not! Being AS, I seldom fall sick, but when I do, you will see it in my eyes. Hence, whenever I complain of being sick, hubby knows, it is serious! He sees me as a super-woman! I have told him several times, I AIN'T ONE! Why will he believe when my previous and current wellness results says other wise huh? 

It amuses me when I see the surprise on people's face when my blood work results comes in. I am like; seriously? Because, I am plus size, then I will not be healthy? We are a product of our environment and lifestyle. We should all stop judging a book by it's cover! That was why I was surprised that this particular post got the highest traffic, for the fact that only one person commented! It's not always as it seems. This applies to every aspect of our lives.


my 2016 wellness result


I want to hear from you guys, will you choose work over family?
Thank you and have a blessed week ahead.

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