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Wednesday, March 09, 2016

REMEMBER, 'MY RIGHTEOUS ANGER', HUH?

Happy midweek to every one of you. 

I was not happy 2 weeks  ago when I heard about a mutual friend of ours was in the hospital...watching over their  baby who was in intensive care. They relocated here barely a year ago, only for their baby to fall  seriously sick, while the hospital was running various tests on the child, it was found  she has the sickle cell anemia!

They were surprised! Because, before they got married, they did the genotype test in Nigeria. They did the test in 2 different labs to rule out any chances of error. The results were; AS & AA, and  AS & AS!They went for a re-confirmation in another lab, and the result was AS & AA! So, they got married. Had a baby. Moved to yankee. And got a shock!
source


I once wrote about this topic in my old blog and some disagreed with me! Someone made a mockery of 'my righteous anger'( that I should keep it to myself). Some said they are ready to have an expensive baby!

LISTEN TO ME! IF YOU ARE READING THIS POST AND YOU KNOW YOUR GENOTYPE IS 'AS' WITH YOUR LOVER AND YOU STILL INSIST ON GETTING MARRIED BECAUSE OF LOVE, AGE AND FAITH? YOU ARE  VERY SELFISH! YES, I SAY IT AGAIN,  YOU ARE A SELF-CENTERED HUMAN BEING! DO YOU THINK OF THE PAINS THAT CHILD WILL PASS THROUGH ALL THE DAYS OF HIS OR HER LIFE?

Love? What kind of STUPID love are you talking about? Love that will jump out of the window when the stress becomes too much and it is the men that always walk away! Age? So what if you are getting OLD? Is it not better to be single and happy than to go through all that wahala in marriage?Faith? Is it not the same scripture that said we should not tempt  our GOD? It is mothers that are always at the receiving end, because the man can get another woman pregnant to have an AA child,  he won't be the one to sit in the hospital all night, crying and praying from the depth of her being for a miracle from GOD!

Hence, my PLEA is more towards women! DON'T BE MOVED BY SWEET WORDS OR MONEY! The sweet words will disappear and be replaced with angry words! The money will be going to hospital bills! Believe me when I say, medical ain't cheap in yankee! You might have heard people say they are still paying their medical bills for more than 3 years. Insurance do not cover all expenses. And  this child will be seeing a specialist...which cost more!

And you think, it will not affect their marriage in one way or the other huh? Day care centers will charge more because it will be one to one - care .... afterall nathing is free in freetown and there is no 'abeg-help-me' because of litigation! The couple will be strongly advised not to have any more children, if they decide to, a test will be carried out in the first trimester to know the genotype of the foetus, if SS, it is evacuated! The physical and emotional pain nko?  What of the money they will be spending? The woman might end up not working and ask for welfare from the government because her child needs to be well looked after to avoid crisis.

I am AS, hubby  is AA. I married at 27, which was considered late in the 90's. I have started having 'the talk' with my kids, I did not mince words with them! Just as I always joke that  litigation do not know about sentiments in yankee, it also does not  pay bills! I get so pissed off when people  write to forums asking if they can still marry same AS and some commenters, will encourage them to go ahead by faith and love, and be ready to have several evacuations. Yet, they condemn abortions?! #A Janus!#

PLEASE, if you are reading this and you are yet to know your genotype, PLEASE do it this month! Do it in government and private labs. Parents should do it for their children now, they can re-confirm when they are adults. I believe genotype should be  part of information on dating sites and ASK on the first day of dating before it becomes serious! NO CHILD DESERVES TO GO THROUGH SO MUCH PAIN!

28 comments:

Tamie A. said...

I'm very surprised they got the same results three times only for it to be different now. I've done mine like 5 times.. All my life I thought I was O+ ..that was the result i was given in secondary school....it was not until 5years ago I realised I was O-. I thank God I never had any cause for transfusion.

I've lost cousins and had to take care of some SCA kids. The physical and mental trauma for all involved isn't worth it at all.
I've also seen a couple who went the faith route and have two kids who aren't SCA kids.
I've come to realise a number of people don't take knowing their genotype as serious as it should be taken.

NaijaScorpio said...

I know this is not an option some people are willing to even consider but there is the option of CVS testing typically done at 12 weeks but can be done as early as 10 or late as 13. It is used to check for disorders like sickle cell, down syndrome etc etc.

Of course, the caveat is you have to be ready to terminate the pregnancy. So if that's not something you would even consider, then I agree with Ms. Nitty, don't go there. I've seen people with sickle cell in the hospital and to cut a long story short, it is heart breaking. I have 2 friends right now who knowingly married as AS/AS. They both have gone the CVS route, one has two kids both AS, lucky enough not to have to terminate a pregnancy and his wife wants to try for number 3. I was like why are u trying to test God what do u need 3 kids for, he said it's his wife's decision.

My other friend is currently pregnant for number 2. She will never tell u she's pregnant until she's done the CVS and found out the genotype. Both times the stress almost killed her. First one is AS, this second baby is AA. She's also been lucky too, but she told me she's done! I don't blame her.

@ilola said...

So sorry about what the parents had to go through.

I agree with you. The emotional toll of raising a sickle cell child is not worth it. The suffering is just too much.

InterTribal Marriage can get you into trouble

doll (retired blogger) said...

its one of these matters that you cant understand until you are in it

i and my husband are both AS and we have two children now that do not have sickle cell disease. there are ways around it, this is 2016

just my own 2cents. funny enough as IRONICAL as it gets as i was researching my options b efore getting married in 2012 I saw a post i left on nairaland on a similar topic. I had exactly the same sentiments as you then, i think i almost cursed the OP out. LOL

So as i started with, this is one issue its easier to advice or judge if you are not involved.

Its been 4 years plus of marriage and i thank God everyday that i went ahead

doll (retired blogger) said...

and P.S i have done ZERO abortion.

Nitty-Gritty said...

'There are ways around it, this is 2016'

DO, share, doll. Please don't keep such valuable information to yourself.

...'this is one issue it's easier to advice or judge if you are not involved'

'IF you are not involved?

When my cousin suffered her crisises I WAS INVOLVED! I tied her legs and hands as she begged me, to relieve the pain.

When she tried to commit suicide because someone she respected so much mocked her, I WAS INVOLVED, I ran out, called for help! I was in the hospital with her.

When she was vomiting and stooling, with no strength, I WAS INVOLVED, because I cleaned up the mess, since the night nurse didn't want to!

When she was transferred to teaching hospital from the private hospital, I WAS INVOLVED, because I assisted to carry her out!

When her clothes were brought back home, after being rolled into the moutary I WAS INVOLVED, because her clothes was handled to me!

I packed her belongings in her room! *sniffs* My tall, fair and beautiful cousin was no more! Died few days to her birthday! She was 27 years old! So, pleaseee, don't say, if you are not involved!

Have you ever seen a mother cry over a dead child, Doll? For the fact that you were lucky to have 2 children that are not SS, it does not mean that others will not have.

I BEG you, DON'T encourage 'AS' lovers to get married, regardless this is 2016 or not or an Era of advanced technology! It is still a SELFISH act!

My $2 million opinion.

Nitty-Gritty said...

Glad you reconfirmed your blood group.
I am O+.
Indeed! It does not worth it at all!
Thank you.

Nitty-Gritty said...

Thank you for educating and enlightening us, Doctor Sting.

Nitty-Gritty said...

Not all Atilola.
Thanks.

Nitty-Gritty said...

Thank you Doll.
I truly wish you the best.
Please don't encourage others to toll the same path. Not everyone can be that lucky. A child's life is not kalu-kalu to play permutation with.

doll (retired blogger) said...

Why do you think I played permutation?

doll (retired blogger) said...

Why is it selfish when you can do without having sS children? And without having abortion?

Of course having sickle children is selfish...I agree whole heartedly but like I said there are ways around it.

Anyone that is in the situation should research their options and take a decision. Knowledge is power

I don't have to advice or encourage or discourage it's their shoes they have to walk in it which ever option they end up choosing

But I'm team say no to sickle cell


Nitty-Gritty said...

You see, my sistah, that is it! Not everyone has that knowledge or access to it! Many just see the glory without asking for the story and simply follow!

You know how our people are! Follow follow syndrome is our problem!if it A can dof it, I can do it! Some come out with testimonies to buttress their decision.


I know the other option is through IVF, and Dr Sting has been kind enough to give me links to sites to read about it. And I will write a sequel on it.

Once more, thank you for sharing your experience with us. I sincerely wish you the best.

Abiola Olaleye said...

Hmmm....

I feel the passion and pain behind your words.

I've been there...and I am still team #saynotosicklecell by making the right choices and decisions.

You know our healthcare sucks in Nigeria. I was misled about 3 times and did not get to know the 'truth' until I was pregnant with my first child. I wrote about it on my blog previously.

I also have (enlightened & educated) family friends (AS-AS) who towed the faith path and got married (the husband is a medical doctor!); today, they have three kids -no SS. They, like Sting's friends are 'lucky' but I would never advise anyone to do this until we are technologically advanced to a period where we can absolutely control the outcome of sexual relations. Until such a time when we can absolutely control the genetic makeup of our offsprings and I am not sure such a time is anytime soon. We cannot play God with such issues but He has given us brains for a reason. Knowledge, for a reason. Wisdom, for a reason. Understanding, for a reason.

I believe one of those reasons is for us to be able to make informed decisions.
If there are non-invasive and inexpensive ways to get round this, great..otherwise..

I have really not done enough researches to know more about this other than avoiding marrying AS or SS and this 'exchange' has really challenged me to read more and to know more. Not for me, but for others coming after us.

www.biolaleye.com

Nitty-Gritty said...

Thank you very much Abiola for sharing with us and I think I had read that previous post of yours, and I thought it was you. The LORD continue to be your strength.

These 2 words Invasive and expensive is scary enough to me. Reading those links Dr Sting sent to me, made me realized it is not beans o!

Abroad that has the most advanced technology strongly advise couples to desist from breeding...some go the surrogate way.

Though we are not advanced in technology, we are in spiritual matters, yet churches are also advising couples during counseling not to marry, hence blood test became a prerequisite...because they have seen the impact it has on families. I have heard of miraclous healing from certain quarters, I still have my reservations.

Take care.

Nitty-Gritty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
doll (retired blogger) said...

Pls can i have the link to the post Biola mentioned?

It may help put things in perspective for me, i tried to take a look at her blog but her posts are not properly arranged.

But i just wanted to quickly chime in that "Inexpensive" and "Inevasive" is relative. what i consider expensive to me might be inexpensive to person B. At the day if you want something bad enough you make sacrifices for it.

and you said..."until we are technologically advanced to a period where we can absolutely control the outcome of sexual relation"...but hey, WE CAN. we are already technologically advanced. WE ARE AT THAT POINT ALREADY

i guess this is my last word on it. To those silently lurking in the background, trying to make a decision, research properly, know the cost implications and take a decision jointly (as in man and woman). People have done (lots of people, lots of Nigerians) - they just won't say for fear of judgement and condemnation.

Abiola Olaleye said...

Hi Doll,

This is a subject close to my heart even though I don't often write about it and I hope you come back to read this...

Apologies for the mess on my blog...still trying to find a way to move stuffs around on the site without involving 'experts' (one took my money and failed to deliver completely).

Moved from Blogger to Wordpress so the Posts might not be easy on the eyes (another apology in advance)..you may not read anything new over there but it may help understand where I'm coming from as par my previous comment.

http://biolaleye.com/2013/09/18/once-upon-a-crisis/ (my experience)

http://biolaleye.com/2014/04/08/how-short-can-life-get/ (when I lost my young niece in 2014)

http://biolaleye.com/2014/06/22/sickle-cell-disorder-nipping-it-in-the-bud/ ('general post' on the subject)

You are not obliged to respond to this anymore because I'm sure you'd be tired of this convo by now (lol) but When I mentioned 'inexpensive' and 'non-invasive' in my comment earlier on, I was thinking of the 'average Nigerian'...you are absolutely right it is relative but considering the minimum wage in Nigeria might further put this in perspective.

I have an idea of what you are 'talking' about but I am not sure it is 'inexpensive, 'non-invasive' and readily 'available' to the 'common man' on the street.

A friend dropped a comment on the first post (Once upon a crisis), the home she spoke about as being on the brink of break-up eventually broke up under the strain of caring for two SS children. They (couple) are both educated...above average Nigerians...probably not 'informed / enlightened' at the time they started having children...

I believe one of them was misled like I was!

I truly am happy for you and everyone that took the risk and 'came out' with beautiful songs to sing...may the songs continually be melodious iJn.

And if truly we are now technologically advanced like you affirmed, then I say it's GREAT news...

But I do hope there is enough education and enlightenment all round.

It's surprising that some 'people' still won't speak out to educate or enlighten others for 'fear of judgement and condemnation'..

After all said and done...it's their lives...their monies...their decisions.
And I truly hope and wish those who may not be able to afford these 'solutions' steer clear of such decisions rather than knowingly bringing innocent kids to the world to suffer on the strength of their faith and personal convictions only.

Sorry my response is long, again.

Blessings,

Nitty-Gritty said...

@Doll, once more, thank you very mUche for sharing with us, we have come a long way to always agree to disagree as bloggers and yes, many will rather keep quiet so as to avoid being castigated. Likewise many are also reading trying to make a decision and your comments will also help them arrive at a decision.

Yes, expensive is relative. For the average Nigerian as Abiola mentioned, we are all managing...going by the statistics of what I read in entertainment blogs and face book and my years in Nigeria, my sistah, e no easy ooo, it takes the very rich to be able to afford the procedures.

@Abiola, I appreciate you sharing your posts and expetience with us. It takes courage. Just like doll said, many with keep quiet and be watching, but again, we have reasons for blogging, which one of them is enlightening and educating some people on certain issues. NOBODY knows it all, I have gained a lot of knowledge reading several blogs because we all have different writing styles and approach to issues. The Lord will continue to be your strength, my sistah.

@To everyone that have commented and read this post, thank you very much and I pray this post help someone there to make the right decision.

Nitty-Gritty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nitty-Gritty said...

I re-read the 3 posts and the comments I made then as New Dawn...still remains the same as Nitty..I am clarifying because you didn't know I was Nitty..ahahaha.

Reading your comments now, I have a much clearer view about those posts, and I am glad your faith in GOD still dey gdigbam regardless of being lied to...if 9ja was advanced, you would have sued them and be compensated handsomely.

How is your niece's mother? It's being a year...GOD will continue to comfort her. And her beautiful soul continue to rest peacefully in the bosom of our creator.

Hiya, the home still broke up? That reminds me of a comment a reader left in my old blog, that her aunt's husband just came back from the hospital and packed his things out of the house, after their child suffered another crisis, he said he couldn't take it anymore,family tried their best to reconcile them, but met brick wall. Now her aunt is the only one looking after the child. .. it is exhausting! It takes endurance,and mercy of GOD.

I am sincerely happy for you and your sister. My cousin was SS and it was glaring, her heart got broken several times because the men's mothers did not approve immediately they saw her.

I appreciate your input in this post.

doll (retired blogger) said...

Thanks Biola for sharing o!

I thank God for how far he has brought you and I pray that you will live t see many more years in Jesus name

Thanks Nitty for the opportunity to also air my views

P.s I'm not 'very' rich. I consider myself upper middle class. I earn 600k a month and my husband earns a little more than that and we both have responsibilities as we are not from wealthy homes

That said pls anyone reading it whatever decision you take do not bring sickle cell kids to this world for any reason

Bless

Nitty-Gritty said...

Ahahahaha Doll, you come tell us your pay? My hand no dey ooo...I understand you, hubby earned a little above 600k when working in Nigeria that whenever I tell someone we were managing, she would say abeg make i no talk that one, because she works in the HR dept so knew what his take home was...but Bru kata dey for ground! Ahaha...thank you for your contributions to this post and I believe one or two persons if not more would have picked something important here.

Fluffycutething said...

Hey Doll! Couldn't resist saying hello. Miss you around here you know but i can imagine that caring for *3* children :D can't be a walk in the park.

Happy this genotype thing worked in your favour too! Many people aren't that fortunate* if that's the right phrase!

Cheers

Abiola Olaleye said...

Anything goes in naija o. Sue ke? 10yrs sef we still dey on top adjournment matter. It's well with this great nation.
You probably read about a maternal mortality post where I wrote about losing my sis in law due to avoidable errors during cs...we tried pursuing it but we just have to leave everything to God in the end!
It's well.

What can one do? She's doing okay though the wound can never heal enough for her to find closure.

Seriously, no parent deserve to lose their child (ren)

And yes, they eventually parted ways. If you're not close to a sc sufferer or the family, you'd never fully understand how terrible it is.

Sis, I've never had a 'full blown' crisis since that post but I know what's up like they say. It's not easy but we thank God.

I'll shout it from the roof top again, if YOU don't have what it takes to handle the financial, emotional, psychological (etc) trauma having a 'sickle celled' child would bring, please, DONT EVEN DREAM OF BRINGING ANY INTO THE WORLD. It would be selfish and cruel to have all the facts and still go ahead.

Get married for love and adopt.

I understand from an article online that a cure has been found, I'm going to call one or two people in uch, ibadan to confirm. ..until then...

Sorry, paraphrasing is an issue for me...lol...

Abiola Olaleye said...

Thank you, Doll and amen to your prayer too. *hugs*

Last time I checked the minimum wage in naija, it confirmed the truth of this matter. Lol. I relate with the bukata angle though.

I wrote as part of my earlier response to Nitty that if you must marry (AS-AS), then marry for love and adopt children rather than gambling (without the means to cushion the effects).

A word is enough.

Blessings,

Abiola.
www.biolaleye.com



Nitty-Gritty said...

Yes, I did. And I commented. So sad. Little girl will grow up without knowing her mother. But I am happy she has loVing aunties like you to show her motherly love. It is so painful...vengeance is mine says the Lord. Her soul continue to rest in peace. And GOD continue to comfort her parents.

Yes ooo.... That is why I am so passionate about this. The Lord will continue to be your strength. Those days, they call such children abiku out of ignorance and design their faces and bodies with marks....but what can we say today?

CURE FOUND? Please send me the link! What I read recently was cure found for HIV on fb. Please do call ... waiting eagerly ....

Please don't apologize, I enjoy reading in what ever way you write. I appreciate your intellectual and honest contribution to this issue at hand. God bless and continue to strengthen you that you will never experience any crisis again. (Loving hugs).

Omolara Oriye said...

This is such a good post. the truth! only the truth!