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Friday, February 26, 2016

V-LOGS.

Hiii, everyone, I am yet to think of a title for this post but just go with me as I talk or is it speak sef? Any- 'hows', it's being a while ... eku meta and  weekend o. So much has happened this month. I had so many blog posts drafted in ... my head! Now, time to pour it out ... NOTHING! HEY! DON'T CLICK OUT YET! They are all muddled somewhere in my head ... searching and throwing stuff around ... about my former manager? NAY! #Annoying! Flings to a corner# ... searching ... about my new job? NAY! #keeps aside for later# ... still searching ... my opinion about the trendy news? HMM...NAY! #Sta-Ie, throws into the garbage# ... digging deeper ... pulls out V-logs ... YES! This is it!! #going to the top to write the title#.

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SO! A blogger friend asked me if I have thought of venturing into video-blogging ... I replied NEVER! My tone of response made her laughed.  We are advised never to say NEVER in anything, because nobody knows tomorrow ... very true. But, I am not doing it sha! Abeg, I am not a make-up person, so I don't want to give  my viewers 'night-mare' after seeing my face and I no sabi speak phon-ey, I be correct 9ja pikin, with strong edo accent, and my pidgin is on another level, so only a few will understand my words and slangs, and I am certainly not a punish-er to subject readers to that  kind of verbal torture! AHAHAHHAA.

Ok! Ok! Jokes apart, V-LOGS have been there before I came into blogging, but it was few ...  but now ... e -BREKETE! Truth be told, I never watched them when in Nigeria because network was very slow, I have to wait for the video to play slowly first, before I will replay it. It is time consuming and if I was using generator, my fuel is burning away every second, if it was NEPA -now-you-see-it- and-now-you-don't- see-it-light, I will be wasting precious minutes, when I ought to be reading blogs and commenting. (NEPA sounds 'sweeter' than PHCN jor ... what is the new name for the private companies?) Today, technology has advanced ... buying internet subscriptions in phones in Nigeria is not cheap, hence, many manage and conserve their MB well! And since my highest audience is from Nigeria (from my stats), many will not be able to view the v-log, and me, I no get credit to dash because I don't make a dime from my blog.

The ever constant thing is change itself. I won't be surprised that, as technology advances, many will be going into v-logging because readers can quickly connect with the blogger  and message easily understood from the tone of the voice and facial expressions, and viewers can multi-task while listening. I watch more v-logs since relocating because the stream-lining is everything to write home about! But, I am yet to be  a fan of it ... some are not themselves because they are self conscious, which is understable ... e no ezzz to be a producer, director and actor roll in one! AHHAAA. Shout out to all v-loggers, unah dey tryyy.

p.s My pessimitic mind is asking me that, if tomorrow, there is annocement that no more blog-writing, everybody must blog through video, wetin I go do? 

My reply: HIAA!  My 'enemies' are at work ke! 'They' shall not succeed o! 'Dem' for kukuma tell me say, make I go siddon, e don do! Which one be this kain Ultimatum fa? AHAHAHAHA. See you later guys!

Monday, February 15, 2016

HOW TO SURVIVE IN BLOGSVILLE...BARING IT ALL!

Okay my readers, if you plan to open a blog , here are few survival tips, I have gathered from my ...wait, ....counting my fingers....from oct 2009-present day...hmm... that is about 7 years combining my old and new blog together. So, I have gathered experience ba? I wish I had a mentor to teach me all these in my naive days. 

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Rule #1! Be a ass-licker! Yep! You heaar me alright! Learn to be a yes-man to every blog you visit if you want the gesture to be reciprocated! Abi, you don't want them to visit your new blog and comment also? It is a give and take situation. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. SHIKENAH.


Rule#2, If the blogger's post pisses you off, because of your ass licking, you cannot say otherwise, you have another avenue to vent your anger! Simply go to a blog you know the blogger visits often and go anonymous to cuss him/her out! What best place, than an entertainment blog, where over thousands of anonymous visits! OH! Don't feel guilty, because 100% of bloggers do that! You can take that fact to the bank and cash it out! And don't argue with anyone who says otherwise, just say, 'you don hear!' And keep quiet on controversial topics like religion, sexuality and hair.


Rule#3, Allow anonymous comments in your new blog, so that you can go anonymous too and comment as many times as you want to attract others to comment and make your blog look as if people visit it often! Afterall, the agama lizard nods it's head to praise itself, when nobody does, for jumping from the wall to the ground! And when other anonymouses cusses you out, don't start breathing fire and brimstone from your nostrils, wasting your energy and time trying to trace IP addresses, because you ain't no saint either! Simply SUCK IT UP, and give back as good as you get! 


Rule#4, Embellish your stories very well, to get a lot of awws, and green-eyes from your readers. Flowery stories get to people. Many like burying their heads in the sand like the ostrich...hear  and see no evil! So live out your imagination and fantasy on your blog! Afterall you are anonymous...or are you not? OOPS! Then you will get busted! OUCH! ... So, rule #1 ought to be, you should be anonymous!

Rule #5, Find out which cliche you belong to and  let your presence be felt. You see, there is the married group, spinster group, working women group, housewives group, student groups, diaspora group, fashion group, and gossip group....oh, don't forget the I-am- the-very-religious-group. Find the one that works for you. Yes! I forgot the I-am-the pretentious-evasive-group. 

Remember, there are no permanent friends but permanent foes in blogsville! Play your card well, to get your new blog noticed. #Winks#

P.s To all the visitors (not readers)  that come to read my posts and comments in other blogs, and go anonymous to cuss me out in the entertainment blog I visit, PLEASEEEE, be creative for once! I am getting bored with cusses that deciphers my size, looks, status and age! Abegyy, no be today fowl yansh dey back!

P.S.S, I will put this post on schedule so I don't delete it,as I have done to many drafts in the past, because I am so done with lies and politics in blogsville!
Drafted.feb 3rd.

Wednesday, February 03, 2016

NIGERIANS IN DIASPORA CAN LIE!

Viva;'HUMPH! You people for abroad can lie EHEN!

Nitty:'SHIOR! Wetin come bring this kind talk, this early moin-moin, ABEG?'

Viva:'HA-HA! You guys will always be complaining of no money KE!'

Nitty;'E-E- HEN! Nah new talk be that?ABEGYYY! Talk beta thing o jare!'

Viva;'Make I talk beta thing abi?'

Nitty;'Yes! Nah today fowl yansh dey back?'

Viva;'Not at all! But I just want you and other people to stop spreading lies!'

Nitty;'WHAT LIES?' 

Viva;'OK! I read and watch videos on blogs and fb, about the pile of bills to be paid and is not easy to save money abroad, but come and see the twin mansions my brother's friend's sister's fiance is building right now, no be small thing o!

Nitty; Na wa, for this your connection o! Brother to friend to sister to fiance? ahaha.

Viva;'Abeg, leave that matter for Mathias and answer me o jare!

Nitty;'Wetin you want me to talk again, since you don conclude say we be liars?'

Viva;' So, you, Nitty, don't have a comeback as usual? OTURUGBEKE O!'

Nitty;'Just stopeeet! I am just tired of explaining myself to people back home that the challenges we face here, cannot be understood until one experiences it.

Viva;'If I hear! No be the same obodo oyibo, all of unah dey? Why him own come different fa? And nah only 3 years he don spend for yankee o!  I mean, you've gat to see these houses ME-HN!

Nitty; S-I-G-H!

Viva;'Which one you dey sigh like odede so! TALK to me, o jare!

Nitty;'What is the point? You and many others back home will still believe what you want! You only see the front display but not what is behind!

Viva;'Ok-ay! Why don't you explain to me, maybe, I will fully understand this time around?

Nitty;'Are you sure? Because,  you will  continue to see new houses built by some diasporas,and next time you bring this up, I will just pretend not to hear you o! 

Viva;'Agreed! I am all ears!

Nitty;'HMM! Alright o! You see...

Viva; 'You and this 'you see, you see', you no get another words?'

Nitty; 'You want make I talk or not? TAAA!

Viva;'Oya dey talk o jare, ahaha!

Nitty; You are right about some diasporas building mansions back home after few years of relocating to yankee. But what you don't know is that some of them don't have much expenses or responsibilities as others. For instance, your brother's friend's sister's fiance is not married yet, so he can share an apartment with several other guys splitting the bills, living an austere and parasitic life just to save every penny of his and wait for good opportunity like the current exchange rate to make a 'kill' and travel back home to start building these mansions  which ....

Viva;'Wait o! Sorry to interrupt, what do you mean by parasitic life?'

Nitty;'You know how we are taught in biology about parasites that suck up food from it's host's body without giving something back? That is how some diasporas live here. For instance, a guy used his room-mate's sponge and towel! Another wore his room-mate's cardigan! Some will not buy ordinary toilet roll, but wait for others to buy and use or collect from a public restroom! Some depend on the coffee or donuts in their place of work for breakfast, and buy $1 noddles or chips to eat for lunch, when they get to their apartments, it is to lynch on their room mates food! I once told you how a guy's hot pounded yam and vegetable soup was stolen from the table when he went into the room to get do something abi?

Viva;'AHAHAHAHAA, I remember, me-hn, that was mean of the room mates!'

Nitty;'Now tell me, can a married man with children, be able to live like that? 

Viva;'NO-O!

Nitty;'Infact,let me gist you of a guy I know that is erecting an edifice in his town,that a bank has showed interest to lease it from him, and he has been here for just 4 years!'

Viva;'You don't tell!

Nitty;'This guy works for a government agency that has hostel accommodation for it's employees because it is far from the city. 4 persons share a room, paying $25 monthly. Many leave for their apartments in city on their off days to be with their family or to wind off, or do another job, but not this guy. Afterall, he is not married. He lives in the dorm 24/7! He drives only to work and nearest grocery store, which is about a mile plus, so $20 gas can take him for over a week!  And his car insurance was about $40 monthly because of his mileage, and make of car. For food, he depends mostly on the subsidized food sold in the cafeteria. Eating microwave food in his room and whatever food his roommates or friends brought from their home. He worked all extra shifts available , his social life was zero! In a month, his expenses was less than $400 a month! He saved so much of his salary, combined with his tax refund, he started building his house. And people like you, will only see the result and start comparing! 

Viva;'Haa, I didn't know that is how it is o. The guy try sha. He was so determined!'

Nitty;'Yes, he has determination. But can you, yes you Viva, live like that, simply because you want to proove to people back home that you have 'arrived?' Especially as a lady, won't you 'maintain' yourself and have a social life? Abi you will be working like 'jackie' because you want to show that you have arrived?' House that you will not live in for more than 2 weeks in a year, and the managers will cheat you off your investments? Abeg, I no fit shout jor!

Viva;'I understand the angle you are coming from Nitty. All that glitters is not gold, and when you see the glory, ask for the story. Mabinu, for calling diasporas liars.'

Nitty;'Is okay. No problemo. Apologizes accepted. It is well. E-hen, that reminds me o, you said you planned to start a blog also? I will give you tips on how to survive in blogsville. Wait o! What about that gist you be wan yarn me about your co-worker that sent her nude picture to.....

Viva: 'N-i-t-t-y! You with gbeborun! You no dey forget something? And thank you for the survival tips, am looking forward to reading your mail.'

Nitty;'Tire ke? WHO-SAI!!! You are welcome o jare!' 






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