I just got off the phone with my close relative's friend who wanted my honest opinion on a marriage proposal for her youngest daughter from a family whose son lives abroad. He already has two kids from oyibo. They are indecisive because they have heard not-so-good-stories of abroad marriages. 'DO NOT ACCEPT THE MARRIAGE PROPOSAL!' I replied loudly and firmly. I went ahead to give her so many reasons, and she was satisfied. I decided to share it here for some of you who might find themselves or their friends in such situation.
Nigerians have this mentality that any of our men that married foreigners, they not are not actually married! In their minds, he did it to legalize his stay! They forget he got married to a woman like them who have feelings! And they think, the children from the marriage will not be recognized back home as his true African Children because, they are abroad and their mothers will not allow them to relocate to Nigeria! So the man has to have his own flesh and blood on his father's soil! That is why some women willingly become the Nigerian wife, waiting for his visit 2-3 times a year to get them pregnant and be sending money home frequently. If they like it that way, good for them! But I will not encourage someone I know to toll such path! Abegy, it is not life o jare!
I told her, he might still be married to his wife, so he needs her daughter as his Nigerian wife to be birthing for him and warm his bed whenever he travels down. If he is divorced from his oyibo wife, he will be paying child's support for his two kids and alimony, to his wife, so he will be broke often, and expects his new wife to work her a$$ off if she relocates to join him, to be paying the bills! If he is financially ok, he might not want her to mingle with other people, or drive or go shopping alone, so he can control her, making her a 'prisoner' in their home, which will be depressing! Or he will ask her to go back to school to read nursing or any medical field where the money is, so she can earn a lot later, footing most of the bills, this is to secure his future. In summary, she is just a means to an end, all for his gains! And what about physical attraction and love? What does she know about him per say? Have we not read about Nigerian men living abroad killing their wives? Because of infidelity, money and losing control over them? LET HIM FIND A NIGERIAN WIFE WHERE HE IS, IF HE IS DIVORCED O JARE! Personally, I don't like men with baggages,and long distance relationships! She is just 26 years old. Leave her to find a man of her choice in Nigeria.
You see, our men go back home to marry because they say, Nigerian women living abroad don 'tear eyes finish!' It is like when men from the city go to the village to marry wives because they claim city girls don 'spoil finish!' Only to get the shock of their lives later in years when their wives start to exhibit the same character like the city and oversea women they condemned! What an irony! They want to eat their cake and still have it! There are hardworking and beautiful Nigerian women here, wanting to settle down, but some of our men, prefer to have affairs with them and go back home to marry because they want a woman from their tribe, and a young bride they can manipulate!
Listen! Do NOT for once think, you are smarter than the Nigerian men seeking for wives back home! This is because they have had everything planned out before looking for you as a wife! Yes! You might relocate and get your papers, but at what price? Why go looking for an egg in the bush when you have 99 in your basket?