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Monday, May 18, 2015

IT IS NOT THEM...BUT US!

I  nodded a greeting to my neighbour who lives in the second building opposite mine, as I took the trash out on Friday evening ... let me digress here ... sometimes,  I do sit outside for a while and have a 'me' time.  So, when I came back, I saw that she had gone inside. Her kids were standing by the window, calling and waving to other children outside, and their mother came to close the window! 



my me-time-place

I was taken aback! Why? I noticed a black kid went to play with her children, when I was passing. Is it safe to assume that, she does not want her children to associate with other black people? or she does not want her children to play with other children at all? If so, don't they play in school with different children?  Because there were 2 Hispanic women talking and watching their kids playing, though, they did not near her own children. I think, she is from Africa by her dressing and dialect when talking with her tribeswomen at the car park. And Nope! I don't know her as a friend, nor, have I said a word to her for the 2 years I have been living here. 



You see, we like to cry RACISM! RACIST! But the bitter truth is that, it is not entirely them! But also us! We don't even like each other! Let me tell you something, the most annoying challenges I have experienced in America, is from us! There is no African community like the Hispanics, Indians and Chinese, that you can see and feel their presences in some places you go. Ours is church and party! Any avenue to make you spend your hard-earned money, that is where you will see Africans! But help, or show others the way, WHOSAI! Why? Because of, your-own-no-go-better-pass-my-own-attitude, if-mumu-no-fall-maga-no-go-chop-attitude, and pull-him-down-syndrome! 

Sincerely, do I blame anybody for this? NAY! Because, experience have taught many that it is best to go solo or be a loner, to avoid had-I-known-stories! I was always so eager to meet fellow Nigerians, on my arrival, that my hostess, will be laughing and shaking her head at me, that I don't understand yet,  but, now, that zeal is no longer there, infact, I avoid 'us' as much as possible, because, the need for survival has turned some Nigerians into something else! You simply don't know who you should call a friend. I am alone at home, no friends, and I like it that way because I am safe that nobody is seeing my family and I as a means to an end, and then keep malice with us! 

Well, I went in by past 8 ... it's almost summer, so the day was not dark yet. Hmm,  talking about apartments, I will tell you what I don't like about my apartment next week. 

Have a fulfilled week ahead.

7 comments:

J Ausserehl said...

I was like that when I first started holidaying outside Nigeria. I would be so excited seeing other Nigerians and would rattle on without even noticing they weren't that excited to see me. Then I noticed regular questions like how did you get a visa, what are you doing here? How did you come? The famous one after I met Gorgeousness : how did you "catch" oyibo. These questions upset me a lot because for some weird reason I figured they didn't want to know as per small talk(I could be judging here sha). So I stopped making any effort. Gorgeousness was a bit worried that I wasn't trying to make friends (probably so I stop giving him girly gossips and nail polishing stories). I'm basically a loner and love my own company, I do things alone or with him when he's not working and as far as I'm concerned, it's totally stress free! If I need girly moments, I ping my twin sister!
So yes I agree that most of the time, we are our own enemies

Clara said...

I don't really agree with you guys on this one. I think it's not naija or African people that are bad per se, just the ones you guys seem to have come across. I have always had naija friends everywhere I've lived, and I have never been hurt by anyone (at least not more than normal friend tifs). My parents on the other hand have had their fair share of bad experiences. I think the difference is that we make friends in different ways. I choose my friends solely based on our similarities, not at all based on their nationality/ethnicity/gender etc... my parents on the other hand often heard naija and that was enough for them. Well it is not! Obviously having friends with the same mindset means that you'll think in similar ways and of course find similar things great or no-nos. Since I left the UK, I've made the effort to look for fellow nigerians, and I have made great friends all over. Even here in Brussels, I've made a group of friends who are all nigerians and who are quite similar to me. Some more than others of course, and those ones are obviously closer to me than others. So yeah make friends based on commonalities of lifestyle and thinking and you'll be more likely to end up with great nigerian and non-nigerian friends.

Sorry for the epistle, and have a lovely week!

J Ausserehl said...

Lol I get your point but for me, meeting these people wasn't based on the idea of forming long term friendship. More like oh hey you are Nigerians too cool.......blah blah. ....okay bye and not imagining you will see them again. If you do, then okay. In my language class, different nationality Duh and the one way to communicate is by speaking German right? I have made the effort to be friends outside of the classroom, bearing in mind they are either way younger or way older and it's like you say, we have nothing in common. I went on a Window shopping spree with one classmate but all she wanted to do was uuuuh and ahhhh over designer labels and would stand outside the high street stores while I went in. The second one I tried doesn't speak English and her German is just as bad so it was a total waste of free time. So not for lack of trying and it's sad cos I have a ton in common with the second girl and could be great buddies based on that but she makes no effort to speak properly so lone ranger I will be.....at least for now! Oh dear I sound totally superficial don't I? Hehe

Nitty-Gritty said...

You have a twin J? Www, so sweet.
Clara, no problemo, we should always agree to disagree which makes it more interesting dialogue.
I go with J's POV, and come to a middle ground with you, because everybody's experience is different, just like your parents. You must interact, commubicate, visit and socialize with someone to know if you have similarities before going far into the relationship, right? Because, you can't just know on the first day or month. And you might agree with me that nobody puts all their cards on the table or show all their flaws? Situations arises that will bring out the true character or intention of that person.
I have a Nigerian woman I have met like thrice in the park, none of us have made an effort to visit each other or call, because everybody is being cautious. In my kids school, the teacher introduced us to another NIgerian mother the first day but that is where it ended, we didn't even exchange numbers or address! Why? Because nobody want ISH. How do we know will would have things in similarities if we don't even get to know each other first?
The few Nigerians I see, always have one story or the other.

Lemme briefly explain 2 experiences.
I met a nice couple. We were good to each other. During tax returns they asked for our help. We refused. They immediately cut off from us. All my baby pictures they helped us snapped, they didn't send it to us, claiming their phone got faulty and all the pictures got missing!!! Imagine! Ordinary pictures, they deleted!!! So just think, if any of our important info was with them?

A guy complained to few Nigerians about his AA wife. Based on what he said, he was advised. Not knowing that he was bringing our heads together because of what he wanted to gain. When we all found out, everybody avoided him. Now he is in need of help, nobody is giving him face because he had burnt the bridges.

You are lucky to find Nigerians that have the same mind set and principle with you, Clara, so treasure it. J, you and I, will simply be treading with caution..ahahha.
Thank you very much ladies.

Nitty-Gritty said...

*communicate*
*we would*
*things in common*

@ilola said...

Okay, don't know much about the issue, but I know Nigerians can like to party wherever they are.

Ellipsis

Nitty Gritty said...

AHAHAHA, yes ke! Any reason to gather is fun o jare!