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Friday, April 17, 2015


I don't know if you ladies remember your mothers quarreling with you, when you refuse to do chores or cook, and telling you something like this; ' Nah you sabi o! If you like don't learn how to do all these things, nobody go help you when you get to your husband's house! I won't be there!' Well women that grew up from the 70's-90's might remember, if the youngies don't. This is because, ladies back then, were trained and prepared for wifely roles in future. 

Well, I ain't bring up my daughters that way!  NO! MA'AM! I simply tell them to know how to do things so they can take care of themselves when they get to college. I intentionally refused to drum that husband's ideology into their heads! I am not so strict on the cooking and chores, I simply let them do the basic cleaning, and prepare passable meals that can fill their stomachs! They know Flo's food blog, if they want something different. I am not gonna train them to stress themselves out doing chores and cooking! I am gonna teach them to think of their comfort first, then other things will follow! There are African shops that sell different soups at $10, get 3-5 different types and put in the freezer, or pay a  caterer, $100-$150 to cook assorted stews and soups for you that can last a while! Even thanksgiving meals cost about $200. The young men brought up here, can take care of themselves! I am also teaching my sons to clean and cook for themselves and not be waiting for somebody else daughters to take care of them!

HA! Does this means I am now a feminist? HELL-NO! I still believe that the man is the head of the family while the woman is the neck. And, the man has the larger responsibility of taking care of his family than the woman, unless situation dictates otherwise. I am training them this way because I am a SAHM, so I pray they NEVER, NE-VERRR, experience the insults I have received. We now live in a society that encourages independence and  individuality; Remember, I said that it was my maiden name that was put on my son's birth certificate? It is now I understand why woman still stick to their maiden names after wedding, it is mostly for logistic reasons. Also, money is the koko in every society! Remember the saying; When the pocket is full, the mouth is confident!

'If you were living in Nigeria, would you have this same mind-set?' A voice is asking me. YES! I will! Simply because the way women thought during the previous generation and my present generation differs! So it is expected the next generation of women will improve! The only constant thing is change itself! Nigerian women are now finding ways to reduce the stress of cooking and chores. They either have the latest gadgets, if electricity is available for them to use it or hire a washing and cleaning lady on weekends. As for cooking, caterers  have now upped their game, they prepare different soups to be delivered to homes. So on weekends, hire them, weekdays, prepare simple soups like Okro, ewedu, vegetable and use canned banga extract than starting from scratch. Market women have also upped their skills; They have sliced vegetable, grated okro, blended ingredients....etc. Simply get them and throw into the pot! It is not the time to be cooking elaborate meals! Leave that for weekends! In addition, they will learn a skill either in tailoring or hair dressing or pastry making, in case of no job, they will have something to fall on.

So, am I now a feminist? AHAHAHAHA.
Thanks for reading.
Have a happy weekend.


LadyNgo said...

Believing that a man is still the head and the woman the neck doesn't make you NOT a feminist ya know lol.

NaijaScorpio said...

To me being a feminist means equal rights and opportunities as men; economic, political and social. If u believe we should be afforded equal rights then u r a feminist. As far as I'm concerned every female should be a feminist. The word has been given a negative connotation that's why a lot women don't want to be identified as feminists.

I love your approach with training your kids. Both sexes should be taught to cook and clean so they can take care of themselves.

@ilola said...

My mum used to give me that "you better learn good home training because when you get to your husband's house..." speech. One day, she was listening to me on radio and heard me say the speech is rubbish because we are supposed to learn good home training for ourselves, not just because of men, because not everyone might marry, bla bla bla.

She didn't like it, but never mentioned anything about it till months later, lol.

All that ile oko mindset they feed to ladies is just nonsense. Ladies should be trained for themselves, and not just be groomed to serve men.

The irony is that all genders were brought up equally in my house, though we have just one boy. My brother can cook well o, and we ladies can standalone well.

Atilola's World

Abiola Olaleye said...

Our well-meaning mothers are all the same.

I love how my mum raised us but today, I can only improve on her performance. I definitely won't raise my boys to be the 'lord' over their women. That's my own. They're already helping out in the kitchen and can't wait to start I intend to keep it that way.

In other news, I just left Sykik's blog and I am sure I will carry this smiley face everywhere this week.

How has it been with you, sis?

Do have a super-blessed week.

Jay Stan said...

My dear why u no wan teach you daughter how to cook? If she go marry african man, ee no go easy for her at all oo!

Nitty Gritty said...

Ahahaha, it sure does not Ngo.

Nitty Gritty said...

The day men too will be getting pregnant, then I know we are all salary is still 77cents higher than women per dollar. Thanks for liking my parenting skill Scorpio.

Nitty Gritty said...

The tide is changing, so boats are rowed along with the tide so as not to be swept this ile oko thing is not gonna 'werk' with the new generation of women o jare..ahahha.

Nitty Gritty said...

Yes o, it seems so o.
Indeed! Improve on their teachings, rather than being stagnant or going backwards.
My gals don't even want to help their brothers cook nathing! They can make their noodles, fry their eggs, prepare toast, and boil rice..ahhaha.
Ha! I have visited her o, so happy. GOD is always faithful.
It has been good o.
Same to you sistah. Thanks.

Nitty Gritty said...

My bros! I am teaching them o! Simple quick meals, shikenah! I don't want them spending long hours in the kitchen, when they can use that time having fun.

`HUMPH! African man! Wetin make unah different from the AA men nah dey cook for their women? If you and my hubby make me vex, nah AA dem go marry sef...abi latino ..or puppa sef?...ahahhhaa. I have told them the type of African men they should go for when they get to college, and they should not go slaving in any man''s kitchen until he does the needful...until then, they should always dine out. Restaurants brekete for here ke! Abi no be so you Nigerian guys dey do AA and puppa babes? But when it comes to African babes, you guys wants her to come play wifey, WHOSAI! AHAHAHA.

Seriously, jokes apart though, I want them to find happiness and fulfillment with themselves without finding it in a man. Hope you understand the angle am coming from Jay?

NoLimit said...

Totally love the way you're bringing up the kids. Shame some men are still stuck in "back in the days" thinking... times have changed, husband is still the head and wives are the neck and this doesn't stop or deter equal opps for both parties.
To confine me to the kitchen for the rest of my life is asking for trouble...(my mother knew that so she never stressed me. But I can still throw it down like the best of them in the kitchen. "hunger is real" lol).

Nitty Gritty said...

Thank you NoLimit,
The fact that I am just an average cook helps me to achieve my goal. AHAHAHAHA.
The fact one does not like to cook, does not mean, they don't know how to cook. Imagine preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner 24/7, .... then what time will they have for themselves to have good time?

sykik said...

Mama Sykik must not see this post oh......she believes in the theory of training for husband house oh.......infact, we still quarrel about " won't you go and give your husband food" anytime she comes visiting me......our mothers were trained to serve and live for a though the man is a mini's a shame

J Ausserehl said...

Ah nitty, well said. Unless you are in the cooking bizness, there's no need for elaborate designs with food. Toss all in the pot cook eat and repeat! There's so much to do and training a child to cook for a man is just ignorant. My mum never let my dad cook his meals which made him lazy and he only went to restaurants or fast food chains when she wasn't around. As parents we should first teach our kids to be independent regardless of their sex. Don't expect Mrs A to teach her daughter how to look after Mrs B's son. That just won't cut it. Our parents grew up with the dark ages ideas their own parents passed down to them doesn't mean we should do the same. We should evolve above what society deems perfect. Sons should be taught to respect women, daughters should be taught to fend for themselves and not wait to be given a ring before their lives get any kind of meaning. Men are not gods and should not be treated as such. Respect is a two way street. It should be a chain reaction of some sort.

Nitty-Gritty said...

Abeg, no show her oo...ahahaha.
Yes, we were brought up to see men as such...but education and exposure have taught our generation that we are all gods created in the image of our GOD...back before our mothers days, they believed in polygamy...but our mothers refused to accept that culture and believe in one man one our generation also wants to make changes and improve our daughters is a continuous process.

Nitty-Gritty said...

Ahahhaha@ toss everything in the pot and repeat.....yes o, unless you are in the food business by all means become an expert in it...I found out simple quick meals taste better than those elaborate meals I prepare....crayfish is the best seasoning I have come to love...imagine frying grounded crayfish in palm oil with pepper onions and put any vegetable leaves, with fresh prawns and meat/ fish...use it to eat yam, rice, beans and Eba or is family love this takes less than 30mns, so I care prepare it fresh everyday. My hubby don't like okro, if not, I will be cooking it everytime....these simple meals have much daughters don't take nonsense from their brothers o... Ahahaha.

Gbam! Sons should be taught to respect women! Charity begins at home. When we mothers do our homework well, it will go a long way to reticify a lot of things. Like it is always said.. Every action gets a reaction...if you treat a woman right, she will do same to you...but you treat her like a piece of trash... She will give you trash! Women have been at the receiving end for long..but the irony of all these is that we are our own worst enemies! I say this because, some women will want their daughters to be treated like queens by their husbands but will not be happy if their sons treat their own wives like goddess! I have seen and heard this scenario several times.

Nevertheless like Ailola said in her post, change begins with us. Have a happy weekend.

LYDZ said...

I never realized how patriachal the Nigerian society was your blog is truly an eye opener. I am Kenyan was born 30+ years ago and it is my very much married mother's maiden name that is on my birth certificate that was issued all those years ago and so was the case for babies born even earlier than me. Babies being born today still have their mother's maiden name on their birth certificate where I am from I have never known it to be any other way. I love how you are raising your children.

Nitty Gritty said...

Welcome to my page Lydz.
Thank you for educating about your culture and loving the way I am raising my children.
I want a better and improved version of me :D

Immanuel Mavin Kish said...

great post/

Flo said...

Nitty gbam! We should first of all raise our children to be independent by teaching them how to make smart choices. Gone are the days when people try to be everything and do everything which leads to burn out. Some services are there for our convenience and we should use them when necessary.

And part of that independence includes teaching them basic life skills: how to rustle up something for their own belle (they don't have to be expert cooks) and making their own money irrespective of their gender. I think our "foreparents" made a major mistake by leaving the matters of the stomach to the females and that of getting the dough to males. This is a major set back for our society. Some boys raised in that generation do not know how to boil water while for some of the girls, all their life's plans revolve around a husband. It's so sad and the damage will plague us for years unless something is done by this generation to clean up the mess.

No man should feel less of a man because his wife makes more money than he does neither should any woman be made to feel less of a woman because she can't cook and clean.

So your honey bunches come to my kitchen? Awww! Thank you! And kudos to you!

Nitty-Gritty said...

Welcome and thank you Kish.

Nitty-Gritty said...

Yes oo. You are a household name in my home. My kids learnt to prepare pancake, meat pie and chinchin from you..even hubby knows you..he was the one that told me to learn from you how to cook Ayamase stew for ofada rice .... He likes it now ehen! I wanted to ask you since o, can I substitute with groundnut oil Instead of bleached palm oil? Because regardless my windows and door are opened, my fire alarm still picks up the smoke.

Like I said in my nitty fb page, the world is evolving, even animals are not left out, yet our society expects women to remain status quo! Many women are developing HBP, until we admit to ourselves that we are not super women, then, the men will have no choice than to accept us the way we are now.

Our forefathers had so many traditions which are considered outdated in this technogy age, and change should be accepted.

The egoistic male syndrome is the root of some of our problems, coupled with peer pressure. Developed countries have gone through this phase we are in Nigeria, so I believe, someday Nigerian women will be liberated from our patriarch society.
Thank you Flo.

Flo said...

Yes, you can use vegetable oil but when the oil heats up, add a dash of palm oil to still give the stew that traditional taste without bleaching palm oil. I show this trick in my Ewa Agoyin video (from time 2:10):

With all the health warnings against bleaching palm oil, this is the new way to go about it for the recipes that ask for bleached palm oil. ;)

Awww ... greet your clan for me. Thank you all!

Nitty-Gritty said...

Thank you very much for the tip and link Flo. I will greet them o.

Nitty-Gritty said...

Thank you very much for the tip and link Flo. I will greet them o.