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Wednesday, April 29, 2015

...AND HERE IS MY 'BUT!' .. AN UPDATE.

9:42 am, I dropped it with a thud as I read the last paragraph, wondering why such a beautiful story should end up like this?! I poured so much accolades on it  here ... now I am hurting!



It all started from Chapter 51 ... I closed the book because I was afraid to know what will happen ... but curiosity got the better part of me, so I continued reading albeit reluctantly, hoping against hope it was not going towards the direction of my thoughts ... eventually page 588 confirmed my fears!


AN EX IS AN EX! PERIOD!!! REGARDLESS OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES FOR BREAKING UP!!! VOWS WERE MADE BEFORE MAN AND GOD!!! SO IT OUGHT TO BE RESPECTED!!! REGARDLESS OF ANY FEELINGS!!! What is feelings sef? That momentary madness that makes one do the un-reasonable, and later turn around to blame the devil?  Humans should learn to keep their selfishness aside and think of the children involved in marriages. Happiness is relative jor! 


Marriage takes a lot of work to keep it on the smooth track, then only to be derailed by a hidden spook? Why build your happiness on another woman's foundation? Of course, the 'other woman' will sneer at such talk and give their reasons for involving in infidelity, forgetting that they too one day will soon find themselves in the same shoe they forced the wife to wear. It is a vicious cycle. And I observed that it is the 'other woman' that screams the most when they get married and their husbands begin to pay them back in the same coin they paid wives.


Why is it always on the 'other woman' wives pour out their anger on, what of the wayward husbands? Some will be asking huh? The answer is very simple; When the wife fights the man at home and he becomes repentant, the 'other woman' is not ready to let go, and she will start to play the seductive act to get him back ... and just as a moth that is lured by the electric light bulb that will quench it's life, the man will be going back to her ... so the best solution is to put off that electric light or fire! Obinze, did not really wanted to leave Kosi, and Kosi was ready to fight for her marriage, but Ifemelu played her card well, and he went back to his ex! If  Kosi, has ruffled Ifemelu's feather, she would have backed out!


Sunday, April 26, 2015

IT COULD NEVER BE MORE TRUER! ... A DIFFERENT KIND OF PERSPECTIVE.

...so I eagerly ripped open the carton to bring it out. When I got to chapter 2, I paused. WAIT O! This is not what I think is going to happen? HMM  ... ok! I continued reading because what she was saying, could never be more truer..

... 'he sometimes told her senseless lies such as this, because a part of him hoped she would ask a question or challenge him ...' {pg 27}. SERIOUSLY?! WHAT DO MEN REALLY WANT? They have a quiet and submissive wife, they complain! They have a strong opinionated wife, they still complain! COME-ON GUYS! MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!


... 'but nature is unfair to women. An act is done by two people, but if there are any consequences, one carries it alone ... you can love without making love' {pg 87} I like the way she refused playing the ostrich and matriarch about sex. Does that mean, she and I encourages pre-marital sex? Hell no! We both Scratch that! I believe just as telling white lies have become part of human nature, so is pre-marital sex. Instead of parents playing the denial game which results to many unwanted pregnancies, we should explain to them .... 'if you make the choice to be sexually active, then you must make the choice to protect yourself ... never ever let the boy be in charge of your own protection. If he does not want to use it, then he does not care enough about you, and you should not be there.'{pg 118}


...'You know, we live in an ass-licking economy. The biggest problem in this country is not corruption. The problem is that there are many qualified people who are not where they are supposed to be because they won't lick anybody's  ass, or they don't know which ass to lick or they don't even know how to lick an ass.'{Pg 93}  Do I need to say more? You want to know how corruption is done? Then read pages 32 &33.


...'I begged her and she agreed to let you work with her social security card {pg 131} ... 'and spent long minute looking again at the social security card and driver's license  ... All of us look alike to white people ... Just make sure you always remember your new name. I have a friend who forgot and one of her co-workers called her and called her and she was blank. Then they became suspicious and reported her to immigration. {pg 148}.  This is why I advise people not to stay behind illegally. Some might make it sound so smooth, but it is not so! This is why #SSN is guarded jealousy. Some might think, I am being insensitive, please believe me, when  I say I am not. I am simply trying to help...you can read page 179 to know how she got a job.


...'Why was 'nigger' bleeped out? ... I mean 'nigger' is a word that exists. People use it. It is part of America. Thing is, each time you say it, the word hurts African Americans ... I don't think it's always hurtful. I think it depends on the intent and also on who is using it ...That is nonsense ... If my mother hits me with a stick and a stranger hits me with a stick, it's not the same thing.' {pg 168-169} ... If an African American calls you a Mandingo or booty scratcher, he is insulting you for being African.{pg 173} You see my people, I don't like to get involved in this racism-ish of a thing because all parties involved are guilty.  Well,...'Because this is America. You're supposed to pretend that you don't notice certain things' {pg 155}.


...'She stared at the phone and then the at the bills on her table, a tight, suffocating pressure rising inside her chest {pg 175}... I can't have sex with you ... {pg 189} ... Can you come twice a week? ... She looked at her life, in this tiny room with moldy carpet, the hundred-dollar bill on the table ...{pg 190}...Won't you ask me what I did, Aunty? Won't you ask what I did before the man paid me a hundred dollars? {pg 191} I wept for her because bills are not what you toy with in yankee! I have explained it here, but some people back home think  one is either exaggerating or being stingy, when they see the fake-life of some returnees. It pains me when I hear stories  of what some Nigerian ladies go through in the hands of men for money and papers. Yet! The demands from home keep coming in!



I love Chimamanda satirical approach to Christianity practices and beliefs in Nigeria.
Her honesty and objectivity of the going-ons in Yankee and Jand by Nigerian immigrants.
Her practical approach to the issue of sex. 
The frankness  talk about the state of corruption in Nigeria.
The only objection, I think I might find about this particular novel is what I initially thought in the first paragraph ... but I will keep my fingers cross since I am in still in part 3 , chapter 24 ... NOPE! I don't want to jump to the last page ... that will be cheating! #winkS#
Happy stress-free weekdays ahead people :D











Friday, April 17, 2015

AM I BECOMING A FEMINIST?

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I don't know if you ladies remember your mothers quarreling with you, when you refuse to do chores or cook, and telling you something like this; ' Nah you sabi o! If you like don't learn how to do all these things, nobody go help you when you get to your husband's house! I won't be there!' Well women that grew up from the 70's-90's might remember, if the youngies don't. This is because, ladies back then, were trained and prepared for wifely roles in future. 


Well, I ain't bring up my daughters that way!  NO! MA'AM! I simply tell them to know how to do things so they can take care of themselves when they get to college. I intentionally refused to drum that husband's ideology into their heads! I am not so strict on the cooking and chores, I simply let them do the basic cleaning, and prepare passable meals that can fill their stomachs! They know Flo's food blog, if they want something different. I am not gonna train them to stress themselves out doing chores and cooking! I am gonna teach them to think of their comfort first, then other things will follow! There are African shops that sell different soups at $10, get 3-5 different types and put in the freezer, or pay a  caterer, $100-$150 to cook assorted stews and soups for you that can last a while! Even thanksgiving meals cost about $200. The young men brought up here, can take care of themselves! I am also teaching my sons to clean and cook for themselves and not be waiting for somebody else daughters to take care of them!


HA! Does this means I am now a feminist? HELL-NO! I still believe that the man is the head of the family while the woman is the neck. And, the man has the larger responsibility of taking care of his family than the woman, unless situation dictates otherwise. I am training them this way because I am a SAHM, so I pray they NEVER, NE-VERRR, experience the insults I have received. We now live in a society that encourages independence and  individuality; Remember, I said that it was my maiden name that was put on my son's birth certificate? It is now I understand why woman still stick to their maiden names after wedding, it is mostly for logistic reasons. Also, money is the koko in every society! Remember the saying; When the pocket is full, the mouth is confident!


'If you were living in Nigeria, would you have this same mind-set?' A voice is asking me. YES! I will! Simply because the way women thought during the previous generation and my present generation differs! So it is expected the next generation of women will improve! The only constant thing is change itself! Nigerian women are now finding ways to reduce the stress of cooking and chores. They either have the latest gadgets, if electricity is available for them to use it or hire a washing and cleaning lady on weekends. As for cooking, caterers  have now upped their game, they prepare different soups to be delivered to homes. So on weekends, hire them, weekdays, prepare simple soups like Okro, ewedu, vegetable and use canned banga extract than starting from scratch. Market women have also upped their skills; They have sliced vegetable, grated okro, blended ingredients....etc. Simply get them and throw into the pot! It is not the time to be cooking elaborate meals! Leave that for weekends! In addition, they will learn a skill either in tailoring or hair dressing or pastry making, in case of no job, they will have something to fall on.

So, am I now a feminist? AHAHAHAHA.
Thanks for reading.
Have a happy weekend.


Wednesday, April 15, 2015

PICKING THE RIGHT COLOURS

Choosing colours for chairs, curtains, bedspreads and walls are important when you have children. Let me disgress here a bit; Remember far back in the 80's-90's any girl that wears red, black and brown under wear was considered dirty? Even ladies were expected to use white under wear during the monthly flow! Now, I can barely see white underwears in the malls! I wonder if some still have the same old mentality?

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Picking colours for the above mentioned items is not the problem, but maintaining it. Always think of the cost-in-use. Some people like all things white, but these items turn brown for lack of proper maintenance, due to poor finances or no enough time or energy. Therefore, find colours that can easily be maintained. Also, remember, others in the home might not share the same zeal for cleaning as you!


Personally, I like neutral colours.  Because, I have a large family with young children, I picked all shades of brown and blue for my furnitures and fabrics. I picked black for gadgets. That is why I am not so happy with the cream coloured walls and white doors apartment buildings have. It is not child-friendly! I am always wiping off pencil, crayon, marker, candy stains! Infact, marketers know this is a problem in homes, that they have door to door sales of stain removal.

Whatever colours you intend to pick, let it complement each other and have a continuity.  For instance, My settees, beds and dinning table are brown. Bed spreads, are blue. Tv, micro wave, blender, and electric kettle, are black. Infact, I am planning to buy black cooking pots sef!  This old mentality of having only shinning aluminuim pots does not gel with me again jor! You can also read this to know more of what I like  in a house.



Saturday, April 11, 2015

I AM SO ANGRY!!!

My guys, please, is it proper for a married woman to be asking an unrelated married man for financial help? A lady connected  on FB with a secondary school mate of hers after many years. Several weeks, she came up with a sob story,needing about 100k! This pissed off the married man, that he immediately blocked her!

When I heard, I was so angry! What was she thinking? That the married man does not have his own responsibilities at home that he will cough out such an amount to her in this hard time? Is she not a married woman herself? How does she expects the wife to feel ?  Why disrespect her husband like this? Have she asked all her  in - laws and relatives first? This is how some married women look for trouble o! They will call such men 'helper'. 'Helper' my a$$!


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I believe you guys have heard about the Kenyan man that killed his wife and himself? And also the Nigerian who killed his fiancee? You see, such men makes me so angry! For crying out loud; WALK OUT of the relationship if you cannot cope! Than killing somebody's daughter and mother! If some African women start to do what these men did, there will be plenty orphans and fatherless children! Our African men cannot take a quarter of the BS they dish out to African women! Living abroad rips off the crown of power on African men that some become sore losers! HISS! RIP to the deceased.

Wednesday, April 08, 2015

*SIDE-EYES* TO MY HUBBY!

Hello, my guys. I have been taking a look at different creches to put my son. I wanted a creche that they also teach a little. You know in Nigeria, he will start nursery school at 2 years, but here, a child must be 4 before he starts pre-school. I have another appointment by 10:00am this morning sef!  I am also job hunting ...
nah here me and oga dey get small pata o ...he said I should still wait small ... EHEN? 

He was afraid that his son will not be well looked after, but when he saw the modus operandi of the day care centers, he felt confident that he will be in good hands ... but we are on a waiting list o! I don't want to use home creches because, I want him to learn and avoid 'had I known talk o'. Another issue I am having with my hubby is the type and time of the job, he wants me to be back home by 4 , because my kids will be back from school by 4, and creches close by 6:00pm since they open by 6:30am. *side-eyes* to him o jare!



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I refused! I told him if no space in any of the day centers I want, I will have no choice than to take him to home creche for a while, and he will be dropping and picking him up, since I don't have confidence yet to drive on the highway at night, because the home creche I like, is an hour drive from my apartment. Schools are vacating June 4th for the summer, so he will stay at home with his siblings, while I work. Another of his reason is that, my eldest daughter was accepted in a science academy, which is far from our present abode, so we are moving closer to make it less stressful for her... he wants me to be patient, and start working from there. I no gree o! Why? Because I received a letter  that I still need few hours of work to get my name into the Social security programme which is like a retirement benefit at old age. I stopped working when we moved to Texas and found I was pregnant, so I want to work until we move in August. But this man just dey drag him feet o! I know this trick well! E no go work! I pray, the creche I will be visiting in 2 hours time will have space o.

Okay, my guys, that is the summary of what I have been doing so far...including apartment hunting. Have a blessed week. Ciao!
p.s Happy Easter in arrears.

Wednesday, April 01, 2015

HOUSE CHORES

'Why are you on your fours cleaning, don't you have a mop?' A friend asked this question when she came in and saw me cleaning the floor with towel. 'I do! But whenever I want to do thorough cleaning, I do it the old fashioned way.' The basic house chores are bed making,  washing the bathroom, mopping the floors,  sweeping all rooms, washing the dishes, laundry and dusting. There is a difference between sweeping and swe-ep-ing! One can use a broom and quickly run it on the surface of the floor to remove any dirt on it. That is sweeping. One can use the same broom and put underneath heavy objects to clean, move items to clean behind it, and lift up things from the floor to remove dirt, that is called swe-ep-ing! Which I will refer to as detailed cleaning.


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Detailed cleaning and basic cleaning are the two ways I do my house chores. Let me digress here to explain that there some chores particular to certain environments. I grew in Nigeria, so washing the gutters and sweeping the surroundings is an everyday chore. I do detailed cleaning every once a week. This includes, cleaning inside and behind chairs, lifting up mattresses and cleaning underneath, wiping all surfaces, cleaning out the fridge and scrubbing the floor.


House chores in a large family can be tasking. Hence, it is advisable to distribute it out according to ages. Presently, my eldest daughter {13} is in charge of the kitchen. It must be in order! She once told me I have OCD! She washes her own dishes, assists me when cooking, and washes my bathroom. Her siblings washes their own dishes immediately after eating. My 2nd daughter {11} is in charge of sweeping and washes their own bathroom. My eldest son {9} is in charge of mopping. My 2nd son {7} does the dusting.  My 3rd son {1} is in charge of throwing his toys, food and clothes everywhere! They all make their own beds. I sometimes rotate the chores amonsgt them so that they will all appreciate each other task and not make it difficult for the other person.  


I sometimes get tired of doing house-chores. When I get in such a mood, I just let it be and relax either by blogging or reading or watching movies. I have learnt not to over-stress myself, because house-chores never get finished or done! I simply do my best for the day and continue tomorrow. The trick to house chores, is simply cleaning and putting things back  the way it was immediately after use, and sternly tell kids not to mess up the home.  All the same, my apartment sometimes look like a train ran through it! Hey! Kids gonna be kids right?

Happy new month to you all. 

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