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Monday, March 02, 2015

THE NIGERIAN WOMAN IN YANKEE VS IN NIGERIA.

Living in yankee gives one a sense of comfort and freedom that makes some women in yankee to lose touch with the reality on ground back home, Hence, they always have a different view on issues brought up by women in Nigeria. I remember, I had to agree to disagree with some in my old blog on few topics. Now, that I am here, I must say, few were not being diplomatic with their comments, because, they fail to balance their argument. Let me, explain with this 3 examples;

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1}Nigerian woman in Nigeria; My husband does not help with the chores at home. I am always tired. It is affecting our sexual life, and he is complaining. But it's not my fault! I have so much to do! 



Nigerian woman in Yankee; Your husband must be a lazy and wicked man! Why can't he help with the chores? My hubby does the chores with me.Talk to him! You Nigerian women, are at fault! You take a lot of crap from your men and Nigerian mothers train their sons that it's the woman's job to cook and clean!!


Nitty; Nigerian men in yankee do chores not out of choice, because they MUST do it! The society and system, makes it impossible for only one person in a marriage to do it alone! Especially for immigrants trying to settle down! All hands MUST be on the paddles to row the boat to it's destination! The markets are structured and easy to shop without haggling price with sellers and grocery stores are along the roads, so the men just have to drive in and pick what is needed at home. They don't wash their clothes with their hands, simply go to the laundromats where they will see other men doing their family laundry or load their machines at home! What is difficult to microwave food? Or make toast or oat? or eat cereal? Or will they be waiting for their wives that went to work? Dollar is the motivating force here! They came to have a better life and make money! So, my sistahs in diaspora, it's not a feather to our cap when our men do chores and cook here because it's all about survival! If this same man goes back to Nigeria, he will help less! Abi, you want his family to accuse you of turning their son to ode?


More-over, due to electricity 24/7,women in diaspora cook in bulk and refrigerate for weeks! Can my fellow women in Nigeria boast of such pleasure? Maybe the very rich who can run their generator 24/7... but now, we are talking of the average Nigeria woman on the street...the Iya Rasaki, the mama John, and Mrs Labaja. What of the gadgets to make cleaning so easy? How many homes in Nigeria have these gadgets? The few that does, how many times do they use them? Madam diaspora, do you sweep outside your apartments? or wash the gutters? Hell no! Because the management of the apartments keep everywhere clean! But most women do this where they live or contribute money for a cleaner to come once a week! 



2}Nigerian woman in Nigeria: Oh! I need a maid! Coping with work and running the homefront is taking it's toil on me and our marriage. But, I am afraid, because of all the tales of woe I hear. What should I do? I am at my breaking point!


 Nigerian woman in Yankee: You are lazy! What do you need a maid for! I have 3 children,I work and look after my children. Take them to  the creche! 


Nitty; Humph! Madam, diaspora! Take it easy! No Nigerian woman in Nigeria is lazy! You don't have a maid not by choice, because YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO! Yes! We cannot pay a maid from what we earn! And because you cannot adhere to the rules governing the hiring of a live-in-maid; Remember, the maid must have her own room, not share a room with your children or sleep in the parlour o! Her salary must be well documented to enable her pay her tax and get tax returns at the end of the year! So, it's not the #5-10k we pay to their agents in an accumulated sum! 


Moreover, working hours is very flexible; You can work at morning, hubby works at night! Can that be compared to the 8-5 working hours in Nigeria? Leaving home at 5:30am? Or one of you can work part-time. Is this luxury affordable in Nigeria? If both of you work 9-5,  you can leave home by 8:30am, and you can drive back from work within 30mins to pick the kids from creche or after school programme, because the roads are in very good condition and no traffic. Can you say that for 9ja? Unless the person house is behind the office, then he can get home 30mins after closure. Leaving Island to mainland takes 2 hours or more! GOD forbid, a trailer falls on the road, #whistles# ... it means it's the next morning people will get to their homes! So who will pick the children from school and creche? Who will stay at home with them until their parents come back from work around 9pm-11pm? 



3}Nigerian woman in Nigeria; My husband chases everything in skirt! He comes home late! Always out on weekends. I am just tired of his infidelity! I have done most of the things I was advised to do; Pray. Dress sexy! Give him kangaroo and Jaguar styles! Cook his favourite meals always! Yet! he cheats on me! No man can ever be faithful! It's the nature of men to cheat!



Nigerian woman in Yankee; Please! Don't generalize! Maybe your husband can never be faithful! And it's not in nature of men to cheat! My husband is faithful to me. He can never cheat on me! Maybe you are not doing all those things you said right? I will advise you to continue praying harder! Spice up your bedroom more. I don't know for you, my husband is always home immediately he closes from work,  so I trust him very much.



Nitty; #Laughs sarcastically# Why is it always the woman's fault when a man cheats? Why should it always be the woman to make the extra effort to keep a marriage devoid of infidelity? But my sistahs in diaspora, some married men do cheat on their wives here! The few Nigerian men that don't cheat are afraid of child support, blackmail and false rape accusations! The ladies in yankee ain't smiling o! It is not like in 9ja, where the men can get away with their atrocities! So, any Nigerian man that knows what it took him to relocate to yankee and what he came to do,  he will respect himself and tie his third leg from wandering off after every skirt it sees! And they know divorce is favourable to women here than Nigeria and bigamy is punishable by law! So, why leave your father's land to another man's land and want to get into trouble with the law over a pu***? Why break up your family because of a moment's pleasure? When some men see that it does not worth the trouble, they stick to their vows and not because you gave him snake or tiger style on the bed laid with Egyptian silk! Or served his food with golden plates or adorned your body that look like a mona lisa with diamonds!



Please, my sistahs in yankee, cut my sistahs in 9ja  some slack, they are doing their best in a society that has so many odds against them. Thank you. 


P.s I have no absolute idea why I am writing 2 posts within  2 days! I just have this sudden urge to talk about it. Read the first interesting post here

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