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Sunday, March 22, 2015

...WHY WAS IT CRITICIZED SO MUCH?

There was so much talk on it, that  my excitement was stifled, but when I eventually made up my mind about it,  I pondered, Why was there so much criticism? 


I won the novel in Toin's giveaway in March 2013, check it out, here.


Half of a yellow sun movie is beautiful!



I didn't see any steaming romance scene when I watched it in netflix last week; Is it where a part of her upper region showed as she got out of the tub? Or where she and her fiance laid on the bed, with her upper region unclad and him resting on it? Or was there more to it? If yes, please let me know, if no, then, some individual media pages should be edited also! I see worst! Does that make it right? Hell no! But who am I to judge, when none of us is a saint!


Got my 2 thumbs up!


It pains me her twin sister was never found. Because, there is an adage that says, it is better for a child to pass away than to be lost! Survivors of the Biafra war always pray, that Nigeria should never undergo such a thing again! March 28th will soon be here. Please, cast your vote quietly  and return to your homes to await the result. Please, whatever, the outcome, let us accept it peacefully. Heavenly father, please manifest Your presence in my country Nigeria and let Your will be done. AMEN.


Have a fulfilled week ahead.
P.S I look forward to reading and watching Americanah.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

THE THINGS I HEAR AND SEE....UNBELIEVABLE!

My guys,  the things I see and hear in court cases leaves me astonished! Some things are so unbelievable! Humans can lie ooo! I hail the judges who are able to break through so many lies because, I believed some stories until they analysis it and expose the liars in the cases! I have seen parents sue children and vis versa! Siblings sue each other! People sue for as low as $8.65! $3.00! $11.00! Best friends of 15 years fall out because of $100! And the washing of dirty linens of the individuals involved nko? My people, no be for here o! 



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I am learning a lot from Hot bench, People's court, Judge Judy, Judge Ross, Judge Mathis, Judge Mablean and Divorce court.;Always have a burden of proof which must be a receipt, a notarized document or a signed document! I know! I know! It's nothing new to hear, but many of us overlook these  when we are dealing with friends and family. We wave it aside as small thing o jare, until wahala come! Then, we would know that when it comes to money and property, there is no brother, father, sister, mother and friend!



I am watching one where this couple was allowed to live rent free in house by the Landlord, because they had no money. Next thing he knew, they bought a SUV when they got money! Is this not wickedness? I remember how a tenant in a property I was managing was not able to pay his rent for over a year, the Landlord pitied him, after hearing the guy lost his job, by mistake, someone asked him what was his car he just bought doing in a mechanic workshop? That was when the Landlord knew that he bought a car at a giveaway price from a company's auction  because he didn't want to miss such an opportunity, but he could not bring it home since he knew he had not paid his rent, so he parked it at the mechanic workshop. He held grudge against that person who innocently spilled it out, and who didn't know he was owning over a year's rent! When he went to bring half the rent, the landlord rejected it and asked for the full rent payment! He sent people to beg, the kind landlord, accepted. He got another job. Before he moved out, he dared not owe the landlord when his lease expired!


My guys, is it wrong for a woman to evacuate an ectopic pregnancy on doctors recommendation? Well, an employee was fired for using the company medical insurance to pay for an abortion. The NGO who happens to be a religious group, was strongly against abortion and expected her to bear the risk of carrying the pregnancy to the full term, believing a miracle could happen. The judge was not happy with the employer but she had to rule in her favour because of the State law that supports her! 

I was gobsmacked! A mother's life was at risk, and you expected her to die in the process of giving birth, leaving the new born motherless? The employer's argument was more on her faith and belief! Don't we serve a living and loving GOD? Don't nature itself expunge a foetus from the womb if there is complication and we call it miscarriage?This reminds me of the religious body that don't believe in blood transfusion, hence, some women have died on delivery tables for loss of blood. Though, I enjoy reading their educative booklets, I refused to accept their beliefs. Personally, I support evacuation if the pregnancy is a result or incest, rape and the mother's life is in danger! But I am not in support of elective elimination by AS couples if the foetus is SS, the best solution  for them, is not to marry!

Saturday, March 14, 2015

I DON'T BLAME HIM O JARE!

A lady called her fiance when her car broke down by the road side. As a shinning knight in amour, he ran to her rescue and the car was taken to the mechanic. Time to pay the bill, her fiance said, he had no money. She  had to use part of her rent to offset the bill, and was not happy with her fiance and broke off the engagement! Her bone of contention? She stood nothing to gain from the relationship since his 'below department' was also lacking in size as his pocket was! Afterall, she cannot lose 2 things like that ke! What will she be enjoying in the marriage? 
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The lack of money was the most motivating factor, which makes me angry with her and my empathy rather lies with the guy o jare! So, she  expected him to forfeit his own rent for her car repairs abi? In a country where you must not joke with your bills or else...humph! What pissed me off is that, she knows what his monthly pay was! Salaries are open secrets here. It's not like in 9ja, where it is a heavily guarded secret. When you tell anybody where you work, they already have an idea how much you earn, and they might know one or two persons working there, so no biggie! Why didn't she have savings and credits of her own?



If she was back home, definitely, her fiance would have paid! Because, our society expects that! He would have borrowed the money, if he did not have sef!  But not here! No man is obligated to spend on his lover or fiance! If he does so, it is because he wants to! And the non-African women do not expect such either! Infact! 9ja single guys are smiling and balling! They don't have to borrow or break the bank to impress any woman they are interested in. Going on dates and buying gifts is done within their budgets. I was told that AA women like our men because they spend on them, unlike their own men, who finds it difficult to give out $20.00 sef! I was also told of a 9ja guy who spent $600.00 on a bag for his first AA babe, when she refused him sex, and reported him to their office for sexual harassment, he asked for the bag back, whosai! The babe no answer am! Dem yab the guy dyee! Because it was one third of his salary! 



I do applaud our men, because they have this strong sense of responsibility towards their women, especially when they have the means, which intrigues AA when they see our men paying all bills at home, with the women contributing little or nothing! It's not so with them. They share everything! That is why it is common to hear their women 'beat their chest'! So for this 9ja babe, to be angry with her fiance, was uncalled for! If she cited the latter reason for the break up, I will have understood jor! 



Tuesday, March 10, 2015

AHAHAHAHAHAA

I laughed so hard while listening to this video! The guy was ranting about 9ja people back home who squanders money sent to them to build house or do business. He is really pained! Which he ought to be!   


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3 weeks ago, a friend called my hubby and suggested to him to send money to buy land and start to build a house. Hubby thanked him and said,he was not interested. 

He didn't know, we already have a property before we relocated. I told hubby that, even, if, we have not built a house, I will not support him sending a dime! More-over, we arrived here in 2012! 2012! My people o! So, why is this kind of talk coming up? That was how someone suggested to us, to be sending cars. Hubby laughed, and told the person, we were just 2 years old in the country then!

 A guy we know, is ruined, because of  all the cars he bought and shipped to 9ja, he did not get his money back! He is regretting, bitterly! That was how a friend in 9ja threatened, a guy in yankee to stop disturbing him for his money, after selling the car he sent. Objectively speaking, I don't blame my people back home, but the Diasporas that flaunt all fakeness on the media, and exaggerate every thing! The same person said, a friend's brother that left within a year, sent in a car! Really? Good for them! Dem no go tell pipo the truth o
  

I find it ludicrous for one to be living in a tiny apartment, depriving oneself of comfort, and be sending money home to build a mansion! I am sorry! It's a warped sense of thinking! Many Diasporas do so, because, they don't consider abroad as their home! Believing anything can happen! And some want to build a house for their parents to reflect the new acquired status of a diaspora!  Heck! Not for me! 



This mentality by some Nigerians back home, that, they must enjoy the milk and honey that flows from across the seas by force by fire is so annoying! Because, they have no idea, what Diasporas go through to send that money! It is the tax return season, many are either sending the money back home or traveling to build their houses, especially now that the exchange rate is high! Laudable! But some of them have bad credits or  will start jumping from pillar to post to pay their bills later! Is it not a penny wise and pound foolish approach huh?


A lady worked her a$$  off sending money back home to her sibling to build a house for her. This sibling would send pictures of the various stages of completion. She visited  9ja unannounced, and got the shock of her life! The building was still at it's lintel level! 20 years of her labour in yankee, all gone! Where would she start from? Whom can she trust if her own younger brother can swindle her?  A student in jand was working around the clock, sending money home to help his parents build a house. He had no savings, because there were plenty of jobs to do, so no problemo! Then the global recession hit! No more extra jobs! He had only one job to keep body and soul together. He could not pay his school fees or rent or bills anymore or renew his visa! He was evicted from his apartment, stopped from his classes, could not fend for himself, his father stopped building his house, he eventually moved in with his girlfriend, and lives in fear! If he had saved all those monies, would he have been in such a dilemma?


LISTEN! I am not against having an invest back home either for you or your parents. All I am saying is that, one should apply wisdom! If you know, your stay abroad is not certain, by all means, invest all you have back home. But if your stay is assured, I see no reason for investing heavily back home when you know, this is the country you have sworn allegiance to and it's now your permanent home! You have started a new generation here! So who are you building the house for? Ok! To generate more income when it's leased out? Money that you won't smell, talkless to see and touch?


Please Diasporans, put your nuclear family first and save for your children education, so that they won't have so much loan to pay back the government after graduation and  save  for your retirement, so you will be well looked after at old age! I believe, where you make your living and have your family is your home!

Saturday, March 07, 2015

ERRORS I MADE!

I will share some of the errors I made when I newly arrived in yankee;


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Firstly, it was looking for accommodation. We did not read previews on the property we were about to lease. I did not like the attitude of the management. This experience left a sour taste in my mouth, that when we moved out to another city, we read all the reviews of past occupants on the properties, and we were satisfied. I have no ish with this management at all! I have a good rapport with the manager and maintenance guys. I have learnt to read about any place we want to move into. The school ratings, residential properties, management, crime rate etc.


Secondly, When filling the school forms, and it was asked if they have allergies. I said, they reacted to cheese, sausage, and sandwich fillings. Because we all broke out in rashes when we ate them the first few months of our arrival. We later learnt our body was adjusting to the new diet. Hence, all my kids were not allowed to go on trips for fear of cheese allergy reaction! Infact, the school nurse asked us to get E-PEN from the doctor within the first week of resumption to be kept at school in case of an attack! I later read on allergies, and realized it was not a thing they joked with! By the time they moved to a new school, they have adjusted to all meals, so  they have no allergies again. The E-PEN is still in the cupboard.


Still on school; My son had temperature, he stayed home. Only for me to get a call from the school to ask after him. I told them why. I was asked to bring a doctor's note. So, I learnt that, you just don't keep a child from school without due notification! But during the flu season, they advised parents to keep their children at home if a child displayed symptoms so that he or she don't come to  school and spread the virus. On a Saturday evening, this same hyper active son of mine, jumped and tripped hitting his nose hard on the edge on the bed, blood was gushing out, we rushed to ER, thank GOD his nose was not broken, On Monday, he went to school with a swollen nose and a note from me explaining what happened that he should be careful when playing, and I didn't cut the identification bracelet off from his wrist. {I didn't know it was supposed to be removed immediately after leaving the hospital, I thought, since he had another appointment that same week, it will be used to identify him.}  Immediately! The school nurse called me to come and pick him from the school and go and get a note from an orthopedist that  his nose was not broken and he could return to school! WAHALA! So, to the orthopedic clinic we went o! Luckily, nothing was broken, and he gave him a clean bill of health to resume school. When we expressed our displeasure to the school nurse, she said, she was simply doing her job, because she did not want any litigation! Yes o! The fear of a lawsuit makes everybody very cautious! So I learnt to keep my writings and thoughts to myself o! I simply talk to my children! 



Thirdly, hubby called to say the car developed a problem on his way to pick me from work, he had to take it to the mechanic and took a bus home. He told me to do same. But no buses ply my route at my closing hour! I had to beg my co-workers to help me to the next bus-stop out of our place of work. My people, e remain water to comot for my eyes, until one of them reluctantly agreed to drop me at the nearest bus-stop close to my route.  I so much thanked this lady ehen! The others, simply gave one flimsy excuse or the other! I got home late that night, hubby was worried, talking to me on the phone. I later learnt that, people don't give lifts because of fear of insurance and litigation! If perchance an accident occurred, the affected party can sue! Believe me, when I say, you don't want to get involved in insurance palava! So for a week, I rode the buses, while hubby rode the trains.


I left home 5:30am the first day in that week, I nearly missed my 2nd bus, I had to run and banged on the side of the bus as it was about to leave the station. I learnt that a minute matters in your bus schedule. The next day, I left home by 5:00am. I no fit shout o! If it was by our car, we left home by 7:30am after the kids have gone to school. Less than an hour drive by car, became a 4 hours journey by bus! Nope! I ain't kidding! I rode 3 buses to my place of work, then the endurance trek nah join nko? My pipo, car nah neccessity for here o! That was how I stood on the wrong side of the road waiting for bus 42. I didn't know it was the ongoing bus 42 I had to enter and not oncoming bus 42. O Boy! Come see me as I dey run, dey shout for the driver to stop! WHOSAI! The guy-man no even look my side! I was the only one on the street, no car was passing sef to help me flash the driver. My saving grace was the traffic red light! When I entered, panting like person nah run marathon, the driver said, I was standing at the opposite side, so he cannot stop! I learnt that, as long as the driver did not see any passenger at the designated bus/stop or no passenger was getting down there, he was not obliged to stop for anybody!  



My other error in my bus experience was lack of coins! You know how we don't value coins in 9ja chei? So, I never carried coins in my purse! I simply kept them in a container at home because we were told we could change the  accumulated coins to notes in future, that some use it as a saving device. Infact, a guy said it helped him to pay his house rent one certain time that he was so broke. Buses required exact change! You simply slot in the exact fare and the machine will print out your ticket! But I had no coins! So where it was $2.35, I paid $3.00! Where it is $3:50, I paid $4.00! Where it was $1:75, I paid $2:00! I boarded a total of 6 buses to and fro for a day! The next day, I filled my purse with coins! On the 3rd day, as I was paying, a dime fell out of my purse on the bus floor, and it rowed under the seat of a passenger. 
I left it simply saying it was just a dime! Another passenger entered, saw the dime and picked it up. No biggie! He didn't steal it! Here, people pick coins from anywhere it is found.


The next morning, as I was about to pay for my 2nd connecting bus, I found I was short of 5cents! Yes o! Me that said no biggie with 10cents yesterday, was short of 5 cents! SHIOR! It can't be ke! I began searching inside my bag o, maybe some coins fell inside, because , I was so sure I had enough coins! It was a gentleman that paid the 5 cents for me o! I silently thanked GOD within me, because if I had paid with the cash notes with me, it will affect me in the other buses I would have boarded! Oh! I learnt humility that day, and I never commonized coins again! You say whats in a penny? nickel? or dime? HA! don't worry, when you are not able to pay for your groceries because you are a penny short, you will know ke! 


I have learnt from my errors, but I still make a few now and then because as human beings we learn everyday, especially in a new environment. Thank you for reading and commenting. Have a blessed weekend.

Monday, March 02, 2015

THE NIGERIAN WOMAN IN YANKEE VS IN NIGERIA.

Living in yankee gives one a sense of comfort and freedom that makes some women in yankee to lose touch with the reality on ground back home, Hence, they always have a different view on issues brought up by women in Nigeria. I remember, I had to agree to disagree with some in my old blog on few topics. Now, that I am here, I must say, few were not being diplomatic with their comments, because, they fail to balance their argument. Let me, explain with this 3 examples;

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1}Nigerian woman in Nigeria; My husband does not help with the chores at home. I am always tired. It is affecting our sexual life, and he is complaining. But it's not my fault! I have so much to do! 



Nigerian woman in Yankee; Your husband must be a lazy and wicked man! Why can't he help with the chores? My hubby does the chores with me.Talk to him! You Nigerian women, are at fault! You take a lot of crap from your men and Nigerian mothers train their sons that it's the woman's job to cook and clean!!


Nitty; Nigerian men in yankee do chores not out of choice, because they MUST do it! The society and system, makes it impossible for only one person in a marriage to do it alone! Especially for immigrants trying to settle down! All hands MUST be on the paddles to row the boat to it's destination! The markets are structured and easy to shop without haggling price with sellers and grocery stores are along the roads, so the men just have to drive in and pick what is needed at home. They don't wash their clothes with their hands, simply go to the laundromats where they will see other men doing their family laundry or load their machines at home! What is difficult to microwave food? Or make toast or oat? or eat cereal? Or will they be waiting for their wives that went to work? Dollar is the motivating force here! They came to have a better life and make money! So, my sistahs in diaspora, it's not a feather to our cap when our men do chores and cook here because it's all about survival! If this same man goes back to Nigeria, he will help less! Abi, you want his family to accuse you of turning their son to ode?


More-over, due to electricity 24/7,women in diaspora cook in bulk and refrigerate for weeks! Can my fellow women in Nigeria boast of such pleasure? Maybe the very rich who can run their generator 24/7... but now, we are talking of the average Nigeria woman on the street...the Iya Rasaki, the mama John, and Mrs Labaja. What of the gadgets to make cleaning so easy? How many homes in Nigeria have these gadgets? The few that does, how many times do they use them? Madam diaspora, do you sweep outside your apartments? or wash the gutters? Hell no! Because the management of the apartments keep everywhere clean! But most women do this where they live or contribute money for a cleaner to come once a week! 



2}Nigerian woman in Nigeria: Oh! I need a maid! Coping with work and running the homefront is taking it's toil on me and our marriage. But, I am afraid, because of all the tales of woe I hear. What should I do? I am at my breaking point!


 Nigerian woman in Yankee: You are lazy! What do you need a maid for! I have 3 children,I work and look after my children. Take them to  the creche! 


Nitty; Humph! Madam, diaspora! Take it easy! No Nigerian woman in Nigeria is lazy! You don't have a maid not by choice, because YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO! Yes! We cannot pay a maid from what we earn! And because you cannot adhere to the rules governing the hiring of a live-in-maid; Remember, the maid must have her own room, not share a room with your children or sleep in the parlour o! Her salary must be well documented to enable her pay her tax and get tax returns at the end of the year! So, it's not the #5-10k we pay to their agents in an accumulated sum! 


Moreover, working hours is very flexible; You can work at morning, hubby works at night! Can that be compared to the 8-5 working hours in Nigeria? Leaving home at 5:30am? Or one of you can work part-time. Is this luxury affordable in Nigeria? If both of you work 9-5,  you can leave home by 8:30am, and you can drive back from work within 30mins to pick the kids from creche or after school programme, because the roads are in very good condition and no traffic. Can you say that for 9ja? Unless the person house is behind the office, then he can get home 30mins after closure. Leaving Island to mainland takes 2 hours or more! GOD forbid, a trailer falls on the road, #whistles# ... it means it's the next morning people will get to their homes! So who will pick the children from school and creche? Who will stay at home with them until their parents come back from work around 9pm-11pm? 



3}Nigerian woman in Nigeria; My husband chases everything in skirt! He comes home late! Always out on weekends. I am just tired of his infidelity! I have done most of the things I was advised to do; Pray. Dress sexy! Give him kangaroo and Jaguar styles! Cook his favourite meals always! Yet! he cheats on me! No man can ever be faithful! It's the nature of men to cheat!



Nigerian woman in Yankee; Please! Don't generalize! Maybe your husband can never be faithful! And it's not in nature of men to cheat! My husband is faithful to me. He can never cheat on me! Maybe you are not doing all those things you said right? I will advise you to continue praying harder! Spice up your bedroom more. I don't know for you, my husband is always home immediately he closes from work,  so I trust him very much.



Nitty; #Laughs sarcastically# Why is it always the woman's fault when a man cheats? Why should it always be the woman to make the extra effort to keep a marriage devoid of infidelity? But my sistahs in diaspora, some married men do cheat on their wives here! The few Nigerian men that don't cheat are afraid of child support, blackmail and false rape accusations! The ladies in yankee ain't smiling o! It is not like in 9ja, where the men can get away with their atrocities! So, any Nigerian man that knows what it took him to relocate to yankee and what he came to do,  he will respect himself and tie his third leg from wandering off after every skirt it sees! And they know divorce is favourable to women here than Nigeria and bigamy is punishable by law! So, why leave your father's land to another man's land and want to get into trouble with the law over a pu***? Why break up your family because of a moment's pleasure? When some men see that it does not worth the trouble, they stick to their vows and not because you gave him snake or tiger style on the bed laid with Egyptian silk! Or served his food with golden plates or adorned your body that look like a mona lisa with diamonds!



Please, my sistahs in yankee, cut my sistahs in 9ja  some slack, they are doing their best in a society that has so many odds against them. Thank you. 


P.s I have no absolute idea why I am writing 2 posts within  2 days! I just have this sudden urge to talk about it. Read the first interesting post here

Sunday, March 01, 2015

MAAMI

There was an icy storm last week Monday and Tuesday; We stayed warm under our blankets and watched nollywood movies; I like Funke Akindele movies, so when I saw Maami, produced by Tunde Kelani, one of my favourite producers, I excitedly clicked on it, and I was not disppointed at all! One thing I like about our movies, though, I am a passive lover, is the message passed unto the viewers, and MAAMI, didn't fail to deliver! The movie was well scripted and tight!

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The moral lessons I learnt from Maami were: Kindness is like a relay race, when the baton is passed unto you, pass it to the next person, but should not be done in foolishness. And life is like a market place, where some came to eat, some are eaten and some came to play. For the purpose of those who have not watched it, I will summarize the movie; Maami means mother; A single mother living in abject poverty with her son. Eating meat was a luxury she could not afford even on his 10th birthday, so she went to beg for scraps of meat from the butcher and people gave her foodstuff and money when they found out her plight. She saw 4 beggars,on her way home and decided to give from what she was blessed with. She had money for only 3,but the 4th beggar, was asking for his kind of rudely ... that was when she told her son the above parable.


It is blessed to give, and the bible says, when you have 2 coats, you can give out one. But, the word has been abused by many! Even the church is not left out! But I ain't gonna get into that! What I want to stress out here is that, some people like taking advantage of a kind gesture! For the fact that someone decided to carry you on their shoulders, it does not mean you should smother the person with all your weight! Simply because, some people don't come out to whine about their financial problems, it does not mean they don't have any! Some have learnt to manage with what they have. Please, let me state clearly that, this is different when it is comes to medical and education financial problems.



Why am I talking about this? It is because, last week, a guy asked a friend for $20. This friend said, the guy was wearing an expensive wristwatch! So, he could not understand, while he does not have $20! Why he no go pawn his wristwatch?  Some will squander their income to maintain their lifestyles, then come with sob stories, looking for empathy from friends, who lives prudently! I sincerely have no ish with anybody's taste, but when such people want to take advantage of a kind heart, it so pisses me off!


Another reason I am talking about this is that, since we arrived yankee, the financial requests hubby gets from friends and extended relatives, is so alarming, I tell you! Now, our immediate relatives don't ask for a dime o! Rather, they are concerned about our welfare and  always praying for us. But some certain people back home asks out of the blue. Hubby will tell them, we are yet to settle down! or is not up to 3 years we left o! or I have my family responsibilities also! You see, hubby was working in a bank in Nigeria then, and  we know this 9ja mentality of a banker = money. so many people visited him there, and he helped out. Now he is abroad, and that same mentality of yankee = money is really getting on my nerve! He has learnt to ignore such requests. Because these people earn an income! So why can't they do with what they have? I lived in Nigeria for 38 years, before relocating 3 years ago, so wetin dem wan tell me, I no know? 


You see, some will spend their money on frivolities. Yes! Anything from the usual bills, basic food and clothings are frivolities! If you cannot afford something,  you either let it go or find an alternative! This belief that somebody out there will help you, should just STOP o jare! Yes! GOD will always make a way, where there is none, and HE will always use someone to meet you at your particular need. I said need and not want! But don't see it as a right, but a privilege! Don't take it for granted or abuse the opportunity. Because, there is an adage; 'You say, give me, give me, give me, one day, I will tell you that, where I do collect from is finished!'


Please, as we have entered this new month of March, we should lay out our priorities and live within our budget. Everybody likes the good things of life, but if you cannot afford it, cut your cloth according to the material you have and no longer your size! Some will say, don't discourage others from giving,  please, I am not, because I have been a giver and receiver, but I wish atimes you can hear what people say behind your backs or how some will hold their kindness over your heads like the sword of Damocles! And some givings are unclean!  


Have a blessed and fulfilled month everybody! :D
OK! I am off to the laundromat now.
Good morning to y'all!

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