Saturday, November 22, 2014


A lady was introduced to a man by a pastor, since both were legal immigrants and at marriageable age. She was told he is a doctor, and was happy to hook up with him, but after few dates, she found out he was not a practicing doctor in yankee but in 9ja, and does survival job here. Hence, she backed out of the relationship. Of course,
friends of the man, were angry with her, but I wasn't, and simply told them, she knew what she wanted and walked out. After all, a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage abi? Ha! It became an argument o! I said, 'lets put sentiments aside and analysis the situation:

She might have seen what lies ahead, and weighed the pro and cons, and realized she cannot deal, so she let go! You see, as a doctor back home, if he wants to practice here, he has to be re-certified. As a legal immigrant, he can apply for loan/grant and work part-time while doing that. Now, if this lady marries him, the financial burden will fall on her also! Like I always say, everybody came here to seek for greener pastures! It's all about survival! So who wants to carry another person wahala for head?! She might have her own financial obligations back home and money is always the biggest issue in marriage... not infidelity as y'all might think!

I said in an older post that we humans are hypocritical, and of course, many disagreed with me. But I stand on it. I asked them, if the lady happens to be related to them, will they advise her to marry him seeing what might lie ahead? Like I said in my mini-e-book, love is not enough in a relationship, but perseverance. There is a lady here, who is the bread winner of her family back home. She tried to bring her younger sister to hustle with her and reduce the burden on her, but it didn't work out. She also wanted her fiance to relocate, but her family grumbled about it because they have seen him with other babes and they were afraid that if he comes over, he will be dependent on her for a while and be in control of their finances as the head of the family, which will affect the flow of cash to them! Well, their prayers were answered, he was not granted visa also!

I know, some might dislike me for saying all these, but this is the bitter truth! When it comes to choosing a spouse, love alone ain't enough! So many things are put into consideration! Our sentiments most times clouds our thinking; Like what happened to a friend of mine; He was in love with this beautiful lady, whose mother was hell bent against the relationship. My empathy was with the guy and wonder why the lady's mum did not understand they were in love! Eventually, she died after a brief illness and fingers were pointed at her mother. He mourned her and  continued with his life..... years later, as I remember the whole thing, my empathy went to the mother instead, because, I am no longer the 22 year old naive lady who saw the world through rosy-eyes, but an older woman, who knows that, the words; 'I love you', will not put food on the table, or pay rent or school fees or hospital bill! Rather, 'love' will jump out of the window when the quarrels start!

Let me use this opportunity to advise young couples in love, to try and listen to words from the elders. Like I said in my parenting post, every parents wants their child to be an improved version of avoid the same mistakes they made in the past , hence, they might come out sounding harsh. I know, love can block out all rational reasoning, but take a breather and ask why they want you to break off the relationship. Some parents do turn around after explaining their fears away persuasively. While some still remain adamant! Then the child should let go! My advise to parents is that, give cogent or valid reasons for going against your child's choice of spouse. It's not gra-gra, it's simply dialogue! And if the child is adamant on marrying his or her choice, then let it be! I will also admonish parents not to poison their children mind against any of their relatives who was not in support of their union in the first place, because when the children grows older and begins to understand the issues of life, their view might change and GOD forbid, the parents utter any word of disagreement with their  choice of spouse in future, the animosity they felt for that particular relative will be turned on them!