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Friday, September 12, 2014

I WILL NOT SHUT-UP!

Once again, the Nigerian community buzzed with the news of a woman who passed away and laid the blame on her children. The woman struggled alone to bring up her 2 sons, who got married to white ladies. She grew old and was taken to a nursing home, she expected the eldest son to take her into his home as our culture demands. They said, IF the sons have married Nigerian women, she won't have died so soon. 


I asked; Do they know the type of accommodation the children live in? Do they know the nature of their jobs?
Do they know their financial status? And what makes them to think that Nigerian wives like the idea of their MILs living with them permanently? And are Nigerian wives super-human? They would look after husband, children, themselves, cook & clean and they are still expected to take care of their MILs! I will not shut-up o! LET THE TRUTH BE SAID FOR ONCE!



I was asked if I was the MIL nko? Afterall, I would be one someday. {amen o}. In all honesty, I said, I would prefer the nursing home, rather than stressing out anybody and I would have my space and privacy. If I was back home, I would prefer a live-in-help. Did someone say; 'When you love your parents, you would let them stay with you?!' Lemme tell you one naked bitter truth if you

would believe; Even the most loving child, gets weighed down of looking after a frail old parent, especially when s/he needs full attention. This is where I get very angry with our Nigerian men; THEY WOULD LEAVE ALL THE CARING ON THE WIFE'S SHOULDER! Did I hear someone suggest they should have gotten someone to look after her, while the couples are out?! And I would ask, do you know if they could afford the expense? Care-givers charge by the hour, you know? And senior citizens who have worked and paid tax during their hay days, are entitled to benefits from the Government. In the nursing homes here, there are medical personnel and caregivers to look after them, activities are planned everyday, they socialize with each other, families and friends visit as often as they want and they do spend holidays with loved ones in their homes, so it's not as if one is forgotten.



I will end this conversation with this gist: A man brought his mother to live with him without informing the wife. She was sent away by her husband because she was troublesome to the other wives. This MIL saw her DIL as a 'co-wife' and was always vying for her son's attention whenever he came back from work by calling him into her room after his meal, and jested late into the night with burst of raucous laughter . The wife would wait for her husband until she fell asleep. Her MIL sang in parables, that one day, she told her, IT WAS HER MATRIMONIAL HOME AND NOT HERS! Of course, her husband scolded her! She began suffering in silence. One day, she was walking, lost in her thoughts, not knowing she was voicing it out, until, a stranger, asked her if she was ok? She broke down in tears and explained everything to the stranger, who advised her to be patient and prayerful, because only her husband had the power to make any decision about his mother.



She continued to endure, until a time came, her son had to be operated on. She sent her relative living with her to go home and get some food. The hospital was a walking distance away. Meanwhile, her husband was getting ready to leave for work and see them en-route. He had waved his mother good-bye, and walked out of the front entrance, only to forget something in his room, not to disturb his mother by ringing the bell, he let himself in through the back-kitchen door unknowing to his mother. The relative rang the bell and his mother answered. The relative entered into the kitchen and began dishing out food into the food flask, only for his mother to berate the relative not to finish the food at home. The man was shocked! His mother? The gal explained that her aunty and her son have not eaten for a while, so they would need plenty food, since nobody would be at home later in the day to visit. 'And so?' His mother replied. 'People at home would not eat?' The man could not believe his ears, and barged out of his room and shouted MA-AMI! The look on his mother's face was epic! She tried to explain, but he refused to listen and told the relative to take all she wanted, and asked his mother if she had bothered to visit her grandson in the hospital?



He got to the hospital, the wife cried when she heard what happened, and her husband apologized to her for never believing. Her husband called his father that he was sending his mother back to him! His father refused, that since she left, his home was peaceful. But she could live in an uncompleted building he had, if his son could complete a room for her inside. The son did, without telling his mother. When he told her she was leaving his home, she refused and began quarreling with his wife. Even his married sister came and cussed out his wife! He drove her there himself to ensured she arrived safely because he didn't trust his mother not to pull a fast one on him and get him into trouble!



I have these questions that has always being at the back of my mind; Why don't we hear stories about father-in-laws & son-in-laws scuffle? and why don't father-in-laws live with any of their children in Nigeria?



Have a blessed weekend. # Team wash hands always with soap#


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