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Sunday, April 06, 2014


I was sad when I read that another wife has bite the dust. My condolences to the bereaved and the departed rest with the Lord peacefully Amen. I had so wanted to talk about marriages in diaspora for quite a while, but I continued pushing the urge away and saving it in the draft because I would tell myself, it is not yet time. But with the recent happenings, it gives me the right platform to present my objective view...i think.

When I arrived on the Land of the Brave and Liberty 2 years ago, the first question I was asked by a 9ja  was; 'What do you want to do?' 'Teaching!' I replied excitedly. There was a surprise look on her face as she asked; 'Teaching?' 'Yes!' I answered. 'Why?'... There is no money in it!' She exclaimed. 'Because I have a passion for it!' I grinned widely as I spoke. 'Money comes first here, and not passion.......' She went on to explain to me the strategies Nigerian- immigrants adopt to survive in this great country called America. But I still refused to buck under the persuasive pressure from people around me because I knew what I wanted! It was only one guy that agreed with my decision and told me this nursing issue was over-rated! And there is an association of nurses who are mostly divorcees ... and he explained further. I refused to believe all he said, because I know the 9ja mentality of always blaming the wife when a marriage goes sour!

I had cause to change my opinion when I observed the happenings amongst 2 couples: Both wives were the breadwinners and work along the medical line. Let me just say that my sympathy went to their husbands rather than my fellow women for doing a great task of taking care of the home. Their authoritative attitude also rubbed off on other 9jas around them who grumbled ... that their pastor continued to preach about submissiveness ... remember, I just 'got off the boat' and I was already getting some wrong vibes. But another 2 marriages which have the wives as the breadwinners ; One is a RN, the other a social worker, are  'humble' that their husbands sings their praises unlike the previous 2 all I heard were regrets!

The truth of the matter is that some male Nigerian immigrants got their legal status through the 'hard-way' ... I mean they did s***! unlike some of us who got it delivered on a 'platter of gold'. My grouse is with these certain men who would travel back home with a calculative purpose to marry a young gal who would be very productive to them. Factors like age, educational qualification, family background and religion plays a role in choosing the perfect bride! The 'chosen' brides are lured with the 'milk and honey' story. Only for them to arrive and the reality dawns on them like a fist aimed at the mid-region! And remember what they say about 'who pays the piper, dictates the tunes right?' So she would continue to dance to the tune of the piper ...but the piper tend to forget they are now in a country whose norms and values differs from what is obtainable back home...should I call it selective amnesia?
When these wives become empowered, the roles in the home are reversed. NOW! THIS IS WHERE THE PROBLEM ACTUALLY BEGINS!!!! Some husbands begin to taste their own pills and find out how bitter it is! Some wives hold the specter of power and wedge it with a mighty force! If any of the spouses refuses to bow down, the home would become a battle ground until a victor emerges! 

I know, as usual, there would be dis-agreement and agreement from different quarters which is ok with me ; for I believe in 'lets agree to dis-agree... with maturity. My friends, the truth is that, every action gets a reaction, be it positive or negative.

 Thank you.