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Wednesday, April 23, 2014

BLACK-OUT

The lights went off around 4;00pm yesterday. I immediately put a call to my service provider to know what happened,  after several network failure, I was able to get through and put on hold, I heard the voices of my neighbours outside, so I peeked out of my blinds to know what was happening;

Their apartments were also affected! Which means the fault was within the estate and not from my provider. This was confirmed as I was speaking with the customer care and giving all basic info and they were trying to locate my apartment on their system, the lights came on; It was 4:24pm... NO-PE! I was not worried ... no be 9ja I come from ehn?


The fear I had was that everything is connected to electricity; My home-line went on a searching mode, if my hand-set was not charged or monthly subscription expires, it means I cannot make calls. If it was a major fault that would take hours to repair, it means no food for a while expect snacks and no heating if it was during the cold season! This reminded me of the first black-out I witnessed... it was during Hurricane Sandy!
Source:Google free copyright
My first Hurricane experience was terrifying and exciting the same time. There was plenty awareness and warnings as usual, sirens blaring and people rushing to the malls to get torchlight, food, bottled water, batteries, generators ... all the torch-lights were sold out by the time we arrived at the malls around us. We bundled ourselves into the biggest room, with all our mattresses, bottled water and snacks, un-plugged all gadgets, dressed in our warmest clothes and sandwiched the children between us...then the storm started as it was predicated!


Me-hn! The howling of the wind was like people mourning and whimpering ... we were praying and singing ... putting our trust in GOD ... the crashing sounds against the building was like ... do you know how an empty tin sounds when thrown to the ground with force? Imagine that sound x10 ... then you would get my drift ... the electricity went out around 2;00a.m, so no more internet, heating and communication ... we had to use our handsets for light until we drifted to sleep ... how we were able to do that was a miracle.

When we were able to come out the next day, the wreckage before our eyes stretched miles away! It took 2 days before electricity was restored in my area, but for some, a week. We bundled ourselves together to generate heat and ate cereal and bread and tea mostly. Many people food went bad. Luckily, some had gas-stoves against electric ... so they warm themselves by opening the oven door and sat around it. So yesterday made it the 2nd time am experiencing black out since I arrived 2 years ago. I pray that a black out should never exceed for long period of time because ... HMMM ... it ain't gonna be funny 0!

Sunday, April 20, 2014

YOU THINK YOU KNOW HUH?

How would you feel after preparing a sumptuous meal for yourself, only to go into your room and come back and the food was gone? This is not a hypothetical question 0! Some guys share an apartment to cut cost since they work in the same place. One of them arrived home after a tedious day and decided to give himself a treat after days of eating microwaveable meals. He dished out his food to cool down while he quickly went to do something in his room, only to come back to stare at empty plates! All his flatmates denied eating the food! Nope! It was not April fool's day! He was livid! But there was nothing he could do! ... In this same scenario, a guy complained how his flatmates finds it difficult to buy basic toiletries but they would be expecting him to buy it every time! He suggested they have a monthly contribution to meet this general need, but they refused! He is fed up with this parasitic relationship and is looking for a studio to lease and live alone.


I remember talking about a guy who used his flatmate's sponge, towel and wore his cardigan, that the flatmate left everything for him, even to buy bathroom tissues nah problem sef! They all earn the same income 0! I just tire for these kain of paddy-men shaThe issue here is that, you don't know anybody until you live with them 24/7! Forget that you've being friends for 20 donkey years! The moment you begin staying together, all hidden flaws would be exposed which of course lead to quarrels.
source: Google free copyright
I wanted to share a room with my BFF when hostel accommodation was proving difficult for me to get at school then, but a mutual friend of ours advised against it that we would quarrel, luckily for me I was able to get the accommodation. I and my room-mates were cooking together because we liked each other and thought it would save cost. I contributed more, which I didn't mind, though, a course mate advised me against it. I became broke and it was during examination period! I naively thought my room mates would provide ... WHO-SAI! It then became 'each-to-your- tent-0-Israel!'  I could not travel back home because I didn't want to miss any papers and it was not long I came back from re-stocking! Garri and epa {cassava flour and ground-nuts} became my meal. Luckily for me, my uncle's fiancee stopped by my school to say hello on her journey home and she gave me money when she saw my condition. I went to the market and prepared a pot of stew and locked it inside my cupboard! My room-mates were surprised at my attitude, but I no send 0! My parents eventually heard through my uncle, they called a relative that lived close- by to give me some cash immediately while they repaid it into his account. Next semester when we resumed, everybody carried their own cross and bear their papa name o jare! People would always take advantage of a weakness if you allow them! You either fight back or end up being a doormat!


Wait 0! How can I forget to tell you guys this particular gist? I know! I Know! The post is getting long, but this gist makes me laugh whenever I remember it. Some guys in the corper lodge where I served ate together, as long as any of them cooked. But these corpers would go clubbing when they received their allowee, except one who was very prudent, hence he ended up feeding these other corpers most of the time. His babe came visiting, when she saw how her boo was been treated, she prepared a pot of egusi soup with eba, dished out the portion they would eat and hid the balance inside her travelling bag! 


The corpers smelt the sweet aroma but could not find the evidence in the kitchen or the room. They asked the guy 'how far nah?' He replied nada! {Nothing}. But they didn't believe him because his babe was around. When the lovers went for a moon-light-walk, one of the corpers that hunger don wooze taya, followed the scent of the soup with his nose and busted the mystery! They confronted the guy when he came back, that was when he gave them a piece of his mind with the support of his babe. After that, everybody arranged themselves for their corner 0!



Simple things like toiletries, cooking and cleaning causes friction between room/flatmates/family members. Some might think how petty or irrelevant such things are, but I tell you, they ain't! Until you are at the receiving end, you won't understand! ' Nah who pack s***, dey remember, and not who s*** am! {Who cleaned up the feaces that remembers the stench and not the person that passed out the feaces!}  Listen, for the fact that I was living in a 2 -bedroom flat in 9ja with my nuclear family and 2 extended family members, some people would still approach us to 'help' accommodate them or their relatives or children for a while because we lived just a bus ride away from a popular university but we always declined! 


There would  definitely be a strain on available resources, which would led to anger, grudge and eventually a fall out which would end with these parting words: 'dem no good!' {They are not good!}.There is this Nigerian mentality that a host MUST provide all necessary comfort to the guests at their own dis-comfort, so as not to be seen as bad. And the human nature is such that, what we don't pay for, we don't feel the pain or pinch! Hence, we don't appreciate it! When we relocated , our host out of the goodness of his heart asked us to stay with them in their house since it could conveniently accommodate 2 families, hence, our expenses would not be much. We politely declined, because for 2 women to share 1 kitchen, is trouble with a capital T!'Sooo, why all these long tori (story) I.B?' You might ask?'  ... well, very simple; We should not be too quick to call an individual selfish or intolerant or wicked when they take certain decisions because we have not drank water from the same kettle like them and know how it taste like!


Still wishing y'all a happy Easter. GOD bless.


P.s I have being reading so much about P-square, I sincerely pray it is not true because this is the only musical duo I like and enjoy their music. I will give the same advise an elderly woman gave to me on my wedding day: Do not ever get involved into the quarrels of brothers  or side any one of them as a wife, because they would eventually settle and you would be seen as a 'bad' person. Sit on the fence on a neutral land. 

Friday, April 18, 2014

LET THE PEOPLE SAY.......


Father, as Your children remember the 'Grace' You have given them to come boldly to Your presence to plead for 'Mercy', look upon them with pity and heal the nation. Put Your loving and comforting hands around them, to heal their broken hearts. Protect them, just as a bird hovers around it's nest to defend it's young.......Let the people say
A-MEN!
Have a blessed Easter.

Monday, April 07, 2014

I AIN'T BUYING IT!

I made a mental comparism as I watched how polygamy is practiced here with what I know back home. The 'sister-wives' show is presenting a picture of unity and harmony in a family consisting 21 people! I read between the lines and interpreted the body languages. Now, the first wife has only one child, all her attempts to have more failed, but she is not giving up...the 4th wife told her she would willingly be a surrogate for her ... and I wonder, if they are 'one' as they want the audience to believe, why want more? Why not simply accept her step-children as hers? Oh! Very simple! My own, Your own, Our own, is different!

The 3rd wife has only 1 son and 5 daughters, the 2nd wife has 4 sons and 2 daughters, and the 4th wife gave birth to a son as her first child for their husband and the 3rd wife was thinking of going for baby 7 hoping it would be a boy ... and I ask why? Jealousy maybe? The 4th wife was a divorcee with 2 children from a monogamous marriage, and I wondered, how she was going to make it work this time around when she has to share ONE man's affection with other women?

The 3rd wife was hurt when her husband married the 4th wife who is a trophy wife because of her looks...yeah, she is the prettiest amongst the wives.. followed by the 1st, 3rd and the 2nd wife...who went to the gym to reduce her weight after the 4th wife came in...is that not envy? ...  and when asked if he would allow his daughters to go into a polygamous marriage ... he hesitated a teeny little bit to gather his thoughts and said yes with a lots of IF's ... that emulates his own kind of person, and I thought why the hesitation in the first place? Why not an enthusiastic YES! ... maybe he exhibited the fear of every parent concerning their daughters and future son-in-laws? ... and one of the daughters said she would not go into any polygamous marriage ... w-h-y? ... so you see the reasons why I ain't buying it!

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I dislike polygamy! Yes! I know, certain religion approves of it as our culture does, and part of the old testament did. But I personally do not see any good it does to the women, except ONLY the man who gets all the fringe benefits!

 Imagine a family of 4 women and 16 children with different personalities veering for ONE man's attention and affection, and there would not be bickering? pettiness? jealousy? competition? grudges? conspiracy? fights and whats not? What about the expenses? All the wives are working and contributing their quota to the upkeep of the home... I can imagine the pile of debts this family would be paying through out the days of their lives for mortgage, insurance, medical and college! In all sincerity though, the husband in this TLC show was fair in his dealings, but I refused to believe he won't prefer one of them most ... personally, I like the 4th wife looks more ... and the 1st wife calm- maturity.

The difference with polygamy in 9ja and yankee is that structures and facilities are in place to make the family comfortable ... and probably happy? ...  But am still ain't buying it! 

Sunday, April 06, 2014

MY OBJECTIVE VIEW ...I THINK.

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I was sad when I read that another wife has bite the dust. My condolences to the bereaved and the departed rest with the Lord peacefully Amen. I had so wanted to talk about marriages in diaspora for quite a while, but I continued pushing the urge away and saving it in the draft because I would tell myself, it is not yet time. But with the recent happenings, it gives me the right platform to present my objective view...i think.

When I arrived on the Land of the Brave and Liberty 2 years ago, the first question I was asked by a 9ja  was; 'What do you want to do?' 'Teaching!' I replied excitedly. There was a surprise look on her face as she asked; 'Teaching?' 'Yes!' I answered. 'Why?'... There is no money in it!' She exclaimed. 'Because I have a passion for it!' I grinned widely as I spoke. 'Money comes first here, and not passion.......' She went on to explain to me the strategies Nigerian- immigrants adopt to survive in this great country called America. But I still refused to buck under the persuasive pressure from people around me because I knew what I wanted! It was only one guy that agreed with my decision and told me this nursing issue was over-rated! And there is an association of nurses who are mostly divorcees ... and he explained further. I refused to believe all he said, because I know the 9ja mentality of always blaming the wife when a marriage goes sour!

I had cause to change my opinion when I observed the happenings amongst 2 couples: Both wives were the breadwinners and work along the medical line. Let me just say that my sympathy went to their husbands rather than my fellow women for doing a great task of taking care of the home. Their authoritative attitude also rubbed off on other 9jas around them who grumbled ... that their pastor continued to preach about submissiveness ... remember, I just 'got off the boat' and I was already getting some wrong vibes. But another 2 marriages which have the wives as the breadwinners ; One is a RN, the other a social worker, are  'humble' that their husbands sings their praises unlike the previous 2 all I heard were regrets!


The truth of the matter is that some male Nigerian immigrants got their legal status through the 'hard-way' ... I mean they did s***! unlike some of us who got it delivered on a 'platter of gold'. My grouse is with these certain men who would travel back home with a calculative purpose to marry a young gal who would be very productive to them. Factors like age, educational qualification, family background and religion plays a role in choosing the perfect bride! The 'chosen' brides are lured with the 'milk and honey' story. Only for them to arrive and the reality dawns on them like a fist aimed at the mid-region! And remember what they say about 'who pays the piper, dictates the tunes right?' So she would continue to dance to the tune of the piper ...but the piper tend to forget they are now in a country whose norms and values differs from what is obtainable back home...should I call it selective amnesia?
When these wives become empowered, the roles in the home are reversed. NOW! THIS IS WHERE THE PROBLEM ACTUALLY BEGINS!!!! Some husbands begin to taste their own pills and find out how bitter it is! Some wives hold the specter of power and wedge it with a mighty force! If any of the spouses refuses to bow down, the home would become a battle ground until a victor emerges! 

I know, as usual, there would be dis-agreement and agreement from different quarters which is ok with me ; for I believe in 'lets agree to dis-agree... with maturity. My friends, the truth is that, every action gets a reaction, be it positive or negative.

 Thank you. 

Saturday, April 05, 2014

OVER-SABI !

I have tried to avoid marriage talks for quite a while  now because everybody ... I mean EV-ERY-BO-DY have become an expert on it...hey! That reminds me... @ilola wrote a post on it a year ago...let me go and search for it ... and I dis-agreed with her ... me and that gal ehn! But with what I read all around now, I am wrought to agree with her o! I knowww, she would be grinning with that 'I told you so look!


More-over, I remembered advising a complaint who was in  DV marriage to move out and an anonymous made a comment that; 'Me that is managing my own marriage, am telling someone to move out'. I knew it was someone that read my post on the challenges I faced in my inter-religious and inter-tribal marriage and how I overcame them. Thus, a good friend advised me to keep my affairs offline, which I adhered to. But a friend came visiting and she said something, that I decided to say a little ... just a little ... a teeny little thing about marriage .


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I prepared Iyan and ogbono soup for lunch and served it on the dinner- table, but as I was bringing the bowl of water for washing hands, she said jokingly; 'Stop it! Let your hubby stand up and wash his hands at the sink'. I replied jokingly; 'I was not home-trained like that, as you give water for drinking, you also give for washing hands.'I knew she meant well, and having stayed abroad for over a decade, she saw such thing as 'servitude'. But the truth my people is that, her husband likes the way I serve food whenever they come visiting because, she does not do that for him. If I was an Iyawo {new wife} I might have listened to her. This is why I have always said that, people should never, ne-e-e-ver, take anybody's marriage as a yard-stick for measuring theirs or see any married couple as a role model!

Some women have this over-sabi attitude in other people's marriage. For the fact that their spouse accept certain behaviour from them, it does not mean that they should super-impose it on other women and when their advice is not taken, they cuss out such women ... I remembered I was called docile and lazy years back when Sting did an interview with me ... but such women could be taking worst bull -s*** and craps from their husbands that they would never tell anybody! Abi, you want them to be a laughing stock as they have laughed at others chei? So to the Iyawos and brides-to-be who might read this post; My $2million advice is that; Simply KNOW your spouse and DO whatever you can to make yourself and marriage happy. SHIKENA!
OK! I don talk my own finis!



P.s; I tried finding @ilola old post, but couldn't.
P.s.s; @ilola, if you manage to read this post, please paste the link will you? Gracias.
P.s.s.s;Sting, if you manage to pass by my blog, kindly paste the link will you? E se o.


OK! Off to fry my puff-puff now! Have a lovely weekend :D

Friday, April 04, 2014

ACCOMMODATION PALAVER!

Reading Abiola's comment in the previous post prompted me to write about accommodation here. It  is so much easier to lease an apartment compared to my experience back home. Properties are searched for on-line. Then contact them to set an appointment for viewing. You would provide the following if you are interested:


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Your #SSS number.
Your pay-stub to see how much you earn and if you can afford to pay the rent. If not working yet, you would provide your bank account statement to show that you can cover many months rent ahead before you get a job and immediately you do, they should be informed.


The name of your bank so as to know your credit ratings: Are you credit worthy? {if buying a house} Do you pay your bills?
The address of your last accommodation IF you are moving so as to investigate if you were a good tenant! If for the first time, a referral to someone living here already with a good credibility.


They would carry out their investigations and write to you if your application is accepted...oh that reminds me... you would fill out lot of forms, asking several questions like; How many people are going to live there and their names, their occupation...blah..blah. Because there is a restricted number of people to an apartment...that reminds me again...there is a difference between a house and an apartment, in 9ja, we use the words interchangeably.


If your application for lease is accepted, you would sign several forms and pay only a MONTH'S rent! In some estates, they have incorporated water, sewage, trash cost into the rent, but in some, they are paid separately. There are different type of lease agreement:  monthly, 3 months, 6 months, and 12 months and they are renewed. A month to 2 months notice is given ahead if you want to move.


Have a fun-filled weekend :)


Thursday, April 03, 2014

SO LOVING THY NEIGBOUR!

'A cop lives in the same building with us?' Hubby asked this morning as he walked into the bedroom after dropping off our kids at school. 'Yep!' I replied, as I picked up our baby for nursing. 'I never knew o!' Hubby said. 'Neither did I until I was chanced to meet him on his way to work hurriedly one evening when I went to check the mail'. I explained. 'How did you know?' I asked. 'I saw him at the car park'. He replied. 



My cop neighbour lives directly opposite us, yet we barely know each other! I cannot really recognize him or any of his family if we meet somewhere else. Yes, people, it is that bad! And funny enough, I kind of like it sha! Surprised? Don't be o! It makes the law 'Love thy neighbour as thyself' much easier to fulfill. Nobody go vex say, you no greet am! Nobody go jealousy you say, you dey denge pose! Nobody go say, I no like the kain eye you take look me jor! You don't know me, I don't know you, NO PALAVA! Everybody waka go their own jejely.

I only hear footsteps, doors opening and voices. I seldom venture out myself even before I put to bed. And when I do, I see one or two person, daz all! Well, summer is kicking in, so there would be more activities, especially at the pool, play ground and barbecue area, but we still would not socialize! When people don't cross their boundaries, there would be peace, because no over-familiarity or see-finish that usually cause strife among people.



Tuesday, April 01, 2014

YOU KNOW WHY.

When I look into the mirror everyday, I am grateful Lord, and You know why.
When I walk down the memory path, I thank You Lord, and You know why.
When I look at my family, I appreciate You Lord, and You know why.
When I remember my errors, I worship You Lord, and You know why.
When I take an overview of my life, I glorify You Lord, and You know why.


People may not understand, but You do Lord, because my whole life is a testimony unto You.
Thank You Lord for the privilege to know You and building a relationship.

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