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Saturday, February 08, 2014

WEARING IT WITH PRIDE!

The condescending looks and insults from relatives, friends, neighbours and even bloggers, towards me as a housewife in Nigeria did get to me atimes. It was one of such vulnerable moment I met Patrina in Jaycee's blog through my comment.. To understand my pain then, let me tell you what a relative said :
'That I refused to do anything because I am waiting for my inheritance!' I cried bitterly, that words of consolation from my hubby and mum could not comfort me. The relative denied it when confronted. What about an elderly neighbour who advised me to get something doing and not depend on my hubby because my kids are growing and there would be more expenses? This same neighbour saw I and my friend talking downstairs one early morning from her balcony and she asked if my friend was not going to work? And our Nigeria culture did not help matters sef! HUMPH! My guys, I hear am o!...hehehehe.
source

Hence,  I go on my knees and thank ALMIGHTY GOD for bringing me to America. I thank HIM for removing the veil of shame and disgrace from my face. I thank HIM for making me to have the last laugh! Some might brush this aside as no biggie, but it is to me. Being a housewife in 9ja was emotionally and physically draining! That was why I advised my friend not to resign from her job when she was finding it difficult to manage her career and children then......but today, she is coping quite well, as the kids are getting older.  And, yes o, am having the last laugh....these same people are trying to curry favour from me now! One even greeted me good-morning ma when we talked, that I turned around in my room to see if another person was with me!...ahahaha...This same person who believed I deserved no iota of respect simply because I sat down at home 'chopping' my hubby's money! Another wants an invitation. And That same neighbour (she travels often) is asking for my number, but I told my friend not to give her! I just want to be left alone to savour this new phase in my life.
source

It was a surprise to me that SAHM are respected here as career women. In America, they hold women and children as first priority. During my pregnancy, I got smiles and help from strangers. Child-care is expensive, compared to Nigeria, thus, SAHM are not looked down upon because they know the women are putting their own lives on hold for a while and manage the family income. Hence, I don't feel bothered again.....I am now wearing my SAHM badge with all pride!


Does it mean I encourage women to be housewives if they want to?On the contrary, NO! This is because everybody have their own level of patience, tolerance, endurance and faith.

Have a blessed weekend. 

17 comments:

Patrinas Pencil said...

Thanks dear friend for the mention. I remember your emotional pain well...as if it were yesterday. But much has transpired since those bleak times. You have risen above all those labels and sneers. You are very much your own person. Strong confident. Peaceable, kind, loving, forgiving, thankful and wise. How those labels and sneers were capable of pulling you down in the first place is beyond me...as I have come to know you as a woman in her own right. Fully capable of standing on her own two feet...even in the midst of ill undeserved treatment. You ROCK, girl! Glad you aren't allowing the scrunched up brow of a jealous man/woman to dictate your position as the nurturing mother of your children. There is no higher position to esteem to...in any culture. It is a God ordained position...and comes with much purpose, responsibility and long lasting benefits.

40 years ago....it was still a highly esteemed position ...the SAHM. But with the embankment of the Feminist moment....it quickly was pushed to the back burner. Equality for women's rights began to define motherhood. It wasn't the intention...i don't believe..but none the less had a huge spiraling effect on the family. I am inclined to believe that it played a viable part in the brokenness of the American family today. It is making a slow move back. But the damage has been done. The lost generation of children that became the nations 'latch-key' kids...are now grown...and seeking their place in society. Many...not all of course...are breeding the same lifestyle in their kids...for lack of knowing the importance of the other way.

I could go on...but this is your post...your space. :) I am pleased that you are comfortable in your God-given position to remain at home to nurture your children and family...it will bring huge pay-offs in your later years. Your children will rise to you blessed!

Carry on!
Patrina <")>><

N.I.L (Naijamum in London) said...

Like Patrina said all the confusion about whether being a SAHM is admirable came when some women started translating equal rights to mean that a woman choosing to take care of her children is now a disappointment. We have a womb for a reason.

I do work but I work around my children - dropping them off in school and picking them up when they close. That choice came from witnessing the issues that 'latch-key' kids have when they grow up with little or no supervision. I have to add that these issues are more evident with young boys here.

I have a friend who is married to a very busy professional and she has been a SAHM for some years. Unfortunately, she is always complaining that she wants to work. Considering her hubby is never home - due to work - I asked her how she intended to cope with work and four kids? My other friend in Abuja is eager to run a side business and I told her that as long as she has made arrangements for her son i.e. her own mum coming to help her for some time.......she will have to ensure the son is well looked after.

If we look at our parents, there will come a time when we get to an age and the question we will be asked by our peers is not '...And what do you do?' BUT '....And what are your children doing?'

Failure to plan is planning to fail.

I love my job but I love my family more so I make no apologies for putting them first.

To be honest, if you look at quite a lot of Naija homes here - that have both hubby and wife working long hours - you will see that they are not working for their homes/kids....All their efforts are devoted to satisfying/impressing people back home by building a house (that remains empty while they still live here) or starting a Naija business (which will be run by relatives who plunder any income from the business)

I no fit shout. You have no reason to answer to anyone. As long as your husband supports your decision to be a SAHM, I dont see what the problem is.

Regarding the invitation...Invitation ko..Recommendation ni. No try yourself and invite wahala into your life oh!

Shine your eye no be curse
xxxxxx

@ilola said...

Well done. We all make our own choices, and must be ready to stand by it. Let everyone do what works best for them and their family.

Highly Favored said...

The Lord has surely brought you laughter and strength. You are the CEO of your home and that is an honorable position to have in these days. Continue to run your enterprise/home with pride and honor.

Abiola said...

I can totally relate with your post even though I am not a SAHM, have friends who are.

I get to hear about the insults from people who have no business advising them in the first place. Parent In laws nko? That's another story. The common belief is that SAHMs here are lazy and wants only to live off their husbands. God help you if your choice of being a stay at home is borne out of lack of job options and not a mutual decision!

I believe the family should come first and if I feel my kids are suffering in any way, away with the day job ni o. Why are we all working and stressing ourselves in the first place? Is it to look good and buy all manners of gold + headgear for all manners of owambe?
It's only people with misplaced priorities whose opinions would differ. I have a friend who just gave up a well-paying job on the Island to be a SAHM because she never gets to see her kids. Before they are awake, she's off and they are almost always in bed by the time she's home. Think 5am - 10pm!
People should really learn to mind their own business; unfortunately, our culture gives room for all kinds of unpleasant stuffs.

Why dem no go try curry your favor now? You are now a queen raking in dollars in the white man's land...

Keep up the good work jare.

New Dawn said...

Yes, much water has gone under the bridge .......thank you very my dear friend for your vote of confidence and kind words towards me......again, words fail me completely to express myself as I want. *e-hug*
Oh! Please, you can go on and fill my space ma'am and I would read it with utmost pleasure :)

New Dawn said...

ahahahaha @ invitation ko and shine your eye...I will sistah...thanks a lot....the word 'disappointment' summarizes the undertone I hear from so many advice....as if getting or having a job only, determines the value of my person and womanhood.
Yes, hubby wants it.....he puts people in their place when they go overboard with their advice or comment....so true about the Nigerians I have seen here so far......when I told someone I wanted to teach rather than do nursing, the person said, I don't like money o...I replied that teachers are also paid...I would live within my means.

New Dawn said...

'Do whats works best for them and their family'....thats it!
Thanks @ilola.

New Dawn said...

I like your analogy Favoured.
Indeed! I am! :)
Thank you.

New Dawn said...

Ha! Abiola! You voiced out my thoughts! ......apart from accusing me of being lazy, I don't have a right to make any opinion on critical issue,.......yes, our culture is not favourable to women at all.........when some people want something, they begin to fuss around the person..........raking in dollars?...AMIN oo!!!.... I claim it in JESUS name....ahaha.
Thank you :)

sykik said...

I will just read comments on this topic.....thumbs up to SAHMs...it's not easy giving up dreams, aspirations and one's life to take care of the home and children....it's a huge sacrifice. God bless

Okeoghene said...

The growth of every family goes through seasons but the most important thing that should be on the mind of parents is "who and/or where is my child getting his first information from?" Is it from teachers, house helps, peers or from me? I have experienced both sides of the coin and true they both have their sacrifices; best to do what works for your family.

New Dawn said...

Thank you Sykik :)

New Dawn said...

Yes! Both sides have their sacrifices....none greater, none less, which I want people some people to understand......I worked for the first year when we arrived...we made and took risky decisions, which we did not really like or comfortable with....that it got to a point hubby asked me to stop working...... I was reluctant at first, but my family comes first to me.
Thank you :)

Tamie said...

I really don't get why people think SAHMs are lazy. I actually see it a full time job. Cos if you aren't doing it,then maybe paying someone else to do it for you or you are lucky to have someone who is doing it free of charge for you.
My cousin was a SAHM with 5kids...and even developed hypertension on the 'job'. Its not as bread and butter as some pple think.

I guess some don't like it because of some peoples experiences where they were home mums and later lost their spouse with no solid family plan to fall back on.
Glad you feel lighter as the weight of condescending remarks and all has dropped.

New Dawn said...

Tamie, I don't understand either! YES! It is a full-time job, and like all jobs, it is tasking.
Yes, so am I... ..afterall dem no dey see my face again..ehehehe.
Thanks Tamie.
......

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