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Monday, February 17, 2014

SMART? SELFISH?

An un-married diaspora lives frugally, to enable him send a large chunk of his income back home to assist his family and he has no savings. He spent a lot to process his younger sibling traveling documents, so that both of them can continue the hustle here and help in improving

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the family standard of living and bring all of them over in the future. The younger sibling intentionally made his girlfriend pregnant, when he knew he would be leaving soon, because he wants to have a child in Nigeria.The family kept this from the diasporan until all traveling plans were concluded, he was angry when told later.


'Hmmm', I muttered .........what a self-centered j***! In his church mind, he thinks he is smart chei? His elder sibling puts his own personal life pursuits on hold so as to  make them comfortable, but he puts himself first! To me, this sibling does not share the same goal with his elder sibling o! By the time he arrives, and begins to face the reality of living abroad, he might not play his own role, which would become a problem! I know! I know! My pessimistic mind is running ahead of me, but the chances that it might happen is high. My first cousin did same for his younger brother, they had a huge fall out after living together for a while and each went their separate ways. I have visited my first cousin since I arrived, but not the younger brother because of poor communication...yep, it is that baddd!


This brings me to the issue where some Nigerians think that their families cannot survive without them! But they come to realize the truth when the chips are down! Please don't get me wrong people, am not against helping out family members, but one should know where and when to draw the line or they would find themselves in a jam! Let me share these 2 stories with you guys to buttress my point:


A lady's father left this realm and he had no landed property in the village as custom demands. This lady being the first born borrowed money from a Nigerian association and sent it to her family to build a house. After a while, the family were ready to bid their father farewell, but this lady was flat broke as in no money for ticket sef! Alas! Her family went ahead with the celebration without her, while she sat un-happy in her room the whole day, because she believed they would not dare go ahead without her consent.......WHOSAI!  Another came abroad as a student and was working his a$$ off especially during the holidays to assist his family and help his father build a house. The recession hit and he was not able to make much money again and he never saved because he believed there would always be jobs. He could not pay his tuition fee and rent. To make matters worst, his student visa expired, and no money to renew it! He dropped out of the school, moved in with his girlfriend, and seldom goes out because of fear of deportation,(for how long I wonder?).......see GOBE!


I am asking; Are their family members not surviving without their support? Did their lives come to a stand still? The annoying thing is that these same family members would turn around and say these helpers did nothing for them when they cannot get more! Or ask what they spent their money on sef, if they go broke? They would not be happy when these helpers decides to pursue their personal interest or see their spouses as rivals because their attention is deviated from them and they have more responsibility apart from theirs!


My take is that, helpers should not put their life on hold simply because the helping never ends. These family members would always come back in the future for one request or the other. Peace out!

11 comments:

@ilola said...

I completely agree with you. SOme family members are so selfish, that they don't even take it on their wards abroad, They become lazy and refuse to hustle, and wait for the person outside naija to do all the work.

Patrinas Pencil said...

You know my take on this. Its called 'enabling' in America. The consistent 'help' starts to cultivate a lazy attitude that smells of 'entitlement'...that other word that is married to 'enabling'.....because, as you said...the help never ends. American's are growing these lazy gardens too! PEACE OUT! :)

Toinlicious said...

When it comes to your life and future, i think it's ok to be selfish sometimes. Do all you can, when you can but don't burn yourself out trying to please others

Tamie said...

The last paragraph summarizes it all. No putting your life AND savings on hold cos you are helping out. Actually very simple.

Flo said...

The thing is that some people, in their effort to better the lives of their family members back home, get sucked into it thereby creating the impression to those in Naija that money grows on trees in obodo oyibo. But problems no dey finish nowwww.

On the other hand, some of the "helpers" do this for glory. Why would someone borrow money to build a house before her father who is no longer here to enjoy the house would be buried? Tradition ko, custom ni. The truth is that people feel ashamed about such things especially because she (a child of the deceased) lives abroad hence the pressure to quickly build a "befitting" house before the burial. Think am now Dawn! lol

New Dawn said...

So true ailola.
Yep! I do Patricia.Enabling is one of the words I learnt here as freeloading, a practice greatly frowned upon here.
Yes, Toin, selfishness pays off sometimes, or else one would be sucked up like a piece of orange and discarded.
Indeed! Tamie. Very simple.
Ahahaha...I think am well well o! All for effizy! By the way, Flo, you are doing a wonderful job with your cooking, I watched some of your videos this weekend and liked the simplicity and presentation, that I am excited to begin trying them out..starting with donuts...ehehehe.

This reminds me of the gist where a disporan went visiting 9ja and the relative he was constantly helping showed him a house he was building and was even asking for financial help from the disporan to do the roofing. The disporan was shocked! This is the relative who made him believe things were very difficult for his family in Nigeria, but he was building a house!.When he returned back to jand, he blocked all contacts!...ahahaha...and the disporan does not even have any landed property in jand or 9ja!

Thank you so much ladies for your comments. Have a stress-free week ahead.

sykik said...

The one that annoys me the most is when some relatives think it's a right for them to fend off you......they never appreciate anything you do, na so so complain as though you owe them the favor...

New Dawn said...

That one nah dey vex me pass for the whole matter! What makes them think it is their right sef? Thanks.

angelsbeauty said...

Lol I have missed your blog!!!! You have a. Good point. They will survive without your help. Help but not to your detriment. Took me a while to stop feeling bad when I physically couldn't help, but is got there at he end.

New Dawn said...

Awww, thanks very much Angel for all your kind words and comments
They believe when you give, it's from your surplus, which is very wrong!
With all my brukata, I don't feel bad at all....ahaha.

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